NTs and zoning out?

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A few months ago me and my boyfriend had to return an item of clothing we'd bought from a store because it wouldn't fit, and we had to take the receipt with us. When we were coming out of the door of our apartment, I stopped and asked him if he had the receipt, as he's better at holding on to a receipt without losing it, but he didn't really answer, so I assumed he did have it and we set off. But when we were in the store he said, "oh no, we forgot the receipt!" I said that I'd specifically asked him if he had hold of the receipt, and he was like, "did you?"

I've often noticed this with NTs all my life. You'd have thought they'd be in tune to any source of social communication every second of the day, but it seems that sometimes even they switch off or are in a world of their own and don't listen properly when you're talking directly to them or asking a relevant question.

Anybody?

Two thoughts:

• This type of occurrence crops up a lot as a joke formula in stand-up routines, usually from female comedians about their partners: so it could be normal NT male absentmindedness.

• Second thought: I can’t remember which video, but I was watching several talks on autism from researchers on YouTube a few weeks back: one of them stated that “NT human communication is 30% verbal, 70% non-verbal; AS human communication is almost 100% verbal. As a consequence each misses 70% of what the other is trying to convey” not sure if it applies to this instance though.

But, yes it is SOOO frustrating to be faced with social blindness from people who are meant to be the able ones in that field regardless of the cause.

That happens to everyone from time to time... doesn't it?

One thing I've noticed that NTs are likelier to pay attention to what is said if you look their way or better, look them in the eyes when you speak to them.

The second thought may be true to some autistics, but not typically all. I'm not completely blind or clueless to non-verbal communication. Eye contact is natural to me so I assume I made eye contact as I asked, but he was getting his coat on as I asked. I thought NTs were supposed to be good at multitasking and can talk whilst doing a simple activity?

Or maybe NTs aren't as good at multitasking as what Aspies make them out to be.

Yes I had my doubts as to whether the second thought was relevant.
From what I can gather the stereotype is that multi-tasking is a female skill, and something men repeatedly fail to pull off.

I also know there are some neuroscientists who don’t believe multitasking is real: that is, they think a significant proportion of people can switch between two different tasks back and forth very quickly and appear to be focussed on both, but it’s an illusion. (This is debated and controversial however)
The ones that go for this explanation also maintain that NT females are the only humans who are really properly good at it.

I’m in two minds as to whether the scientists are really onto something, or just reading cultural stereotypes into incomplete data...
but I find the notion that multitasking is an illusion appealing, as does my dad (retired headmaster and former psychiatric nurse): he calls it multi-failing!

^I think the scientist is right.

I mean if NTs can multitask so well then why aren't bus-drivers allowed to talk to passengers while driving?

^ The right question disintegrates the illusion.

There are certain factors that can influence how actively aware someone is of what is going on around them. If they are tired, ill and /or heavily focused on their thoughts then they are going to pay less attention to their environment than usual. Personally, I think that everyone can go on autopilot mode every so often once in a while. If I don't get a response from someone and / or they don't look engaged I usually assume that it hasn't registered. My social group is predominately made of what I suppose you'd probably refer to as geeks. I'm used to people who have a tendency to zone out of everything and put all of their focus into whatever project they are working on.

For instance, I know someone who is heavily into coding and when she starts you might as well be talking to a brick wall if you attempt conversation. This is why I usually don't if I see that she is in the zone. If I need to I have methods of snapping her out of it, but the vast majority of the time I simply leave her be when she's focused.

My parents definitely have a habit of getting wrapped up in their own thoughts. It seems to be a trait that keeps popping up in my family; a tendency towards obsession. This has lead to some innovative relatives, but it has also lead to ancestors who weren't exactly the most mentally stable. Anyway, that's an entirely different conversation.

I'm also aware that sometimes I speak too quietly (and even too loudly at times) so that's another reason I tend to wonder if it has registered with others. Personally, I think that multitasking is only possible to a certain extent and that there are probably a lot of people who tend to overestimate their ability to do so.



Wait, they aren't?

Huh. Then in that case I've been on some bus journeys that have broken such rules. I used to get a bus where the driver would chat with an old woman who stood near the front throughout the journey.

Similarly, I once took a bus where the driver had a speaking device and kept making announcements and asking questions to the rest of the people on the bus such as what everyone's plans were for the holiday. It was just a regular bus. He started the journey with "Alright, who feels safe here?", which made me a little worried about what I should anticipate. Thankfully it turned out to be a safe journey.

One time I was on a bus that took a detour that wasn't on the route and the people on the bus kept pointing it out because they were confused about what was going on. As it turned out, the driver had taken a slightly different route to pass someone's house. He called out to them and they walked up the drive and started to talk to the bus driver. Took about ten minutes for them to finish their chat, then the other man went on his way down the street (he didn't even get on the bus). I mean, the bus driver technically didn't break the rule of no talking whilst driving but it was slightly annoying.

There's another bus driver I've come across who tends to use a lot of rhetorical questions because he get angry at the traffic. He says things such as "You call that driving?", "Do you even know how to indicate?" and so on. That probably doesn't count as talking to passengers though.

Haven't a clue what's goin on tbh..