Mild autism and fed up

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I was diagnosed with having a mild form of HFA when I was 14 I always felt different to other people in some way I did rubbish in school all the time I don't like the way I walk it feels strange people seem to stare at me a lot my mother told me then it was so mild that it won't affect me much but I think it is for example when I was doing work experience I was asked to do something different in the work place than usual I didn't know where most things where they just expected me to know I don't think I'm a person that is employable I'm 20 now and have no job and no real friends anymore a lot of the time I feel like getting a gun and blowing my head off but you can't get guns where I live I feel a lot of rage since I have no money and can't do what I want I strangely hang onto my childhood memories where I did not feel awkward back then I was happy most of the time I also talk to myself like of something I want to say to a friend that I don't have which is strange or its like I'm pretending I am having a conversation with someone but even when I'm happy I do that my interests seem to go back and fourth
But when I went to meeting's the lady said I had a hard time understanding people but I don't I can tell very well if someone is upset happy or depressed if I had autism would I bot find it hard to understand someone's emotions because I dont. the only reason I still live is because I the only way I would kill myself is with a gun so I'm not sure what to do I am mostly worried about having no money and no one will employe me everyone seems to have it easy compared to me they all did well in school parents buy them a car they have no problem getting a job but I do I just don't feel up to scratch with people especially in a work place

I would look for work in small companies. There are fewer people to deal with, they usually do not have a sophisticated hiring process designed to weed out traits that many autistic people have.

If you wish you can post your resume on here. There are certain things employers look for. Remember to change your name and address so people do not see you posting to an autism forum. A great resume can not get you a job, a poor one immediately eliminates you from contention.

Wrong Planet Work and Finding a Job Section

As far as you not understanding people, I do not know you and can only hazard a guess based on the experiences of other higher functioning autistics. Many autistics can recognize obvious signs of emotion, if you see a person crying they are sad, if they are screaming at you they are angry at you. What more mild autistics often have trouble with is more subtle nonverbal language. Sometimes we get hyperfocused and do not pay attention to other people.

A resume is a “CV” where he lives, though he might know “resume,” too.

Sorry you’re having a rough time.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I was lucky to find a job where I worked mostly by myself some interaction.

Since this is your first post, welcome to Wrong Planet. Are you living at home with your parents are you out on your own?

I'am married my wife is a great supporter she helps keep everything on track.I was able to work as stated now retired just great to talk with people in the same situation as me.Thank