Speaking harder than Writing harder than Art

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I find speaking my mind next to impossible.

I find writing basically easy except it can't convey everything.

I find myself relaxed when I'm making art. Even if I know 'in half an hour 9 people will look at it', I still forget they're there, almost forget I'm there and throw myself wholly into it.

The thing I hate most about speaking is I have to do it in real time and with another person who's always trying to butt in and second guess me.

If I definitively want to say something, I write to someone. People find this overly formal and somewhat passive-aggressive but it's the only way I have to protect my boundaries & make sure I'm not talked into something or afraid to say something or they change the topic.

The trouble with both writing and speaking is that sometimes I have a 'grasp' of an idea in my head but don't yet have words for it. I'm not even sure if it can be put into words.

I had this with writing earlier on today. I was going to post something about cancel culture and cos it was too complicated I ended up not writing it. I had the ideas in my head but not in words. Esp not in words that could avoid being twisted.

Poetry is easier to me than prose.

I have a separate grasp of art and poetry and nobody expects those mediums to be 'easy' so they let me take my time on them.

Is this an autistic thing? A social anxiety disorder thing? Or just a me thing?

Might it be that you're strongly visually minded, or possibly that plus autism?

Translation of verbal thought to speech is different and requires more processing than translating verbal thought to writing.


In case of social anxiety or mutism -- there's fight or flight, overwhelm and inhibitions.

In case of dyspraxia, it's more about body-mind dynamic.

In case of cognition, it may be low VIQ related to real-time word retrieval and usage.
It may be hyperlexia to do with better encode-decode, while comprehension may be compensated with pattern seeking which is easier in writing/reading than speaking/listening.
Or it might be just any social related processing issues regardless of one's verbal aptitude -- tone, speed, body language, some unspoken dynamics, etc.

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I feel like I have thoughts which I'm not smart enough to put into words.

I think in words in my head but when they come out, they just don't. They stay stuck.

Esp irl when I have an NT going 100mph on her own train of thought or an NT interrupting me to change the topic etc. Or just trying to put across something when out in public then a crowd of idiots starts yelling their heads off or laughing drunkenly or a baby cries or a dog barks and I'm stuck not talking, forgetting everything.

Esp when it comes to important stuff.

When it comes to IRL I don't really express my opinions much because they're all diluted through interpretation or constantly being interrupted etc.

And noise pollution really annoys me. It cuts off my entire mind. I forget what I'm saying etc.

I find it easier for me to express myself though my art than it is to do so verbally.

Speaking is much harder, because it's interactive and there are cues you are supposed to give and receive. It's difficult for me to put my ideas or feelings into words, and even harder to do this in real time while also worrying about tone of voice, etc. Even on the telephone without visual input or the barriers of body language, it's hard to be articulate or express my thoughts in a linear direction without being able to edit, revise, or delete the content I don't like.

I feel the same way—in that my “smart thoughts” often do not translate into “smart words” neither in writing nor in speaking.

It’s frustrating. It’s kept me back.