Have any of you ever been called out?

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A few weeks ago I was talking to one of my friends that I'm starting an autism support group with. She has a daughter with AS, and she's also both of my boys' teacher. I was explaining to her that I'm not very good with tact, so she may have to handle situations where someone is monopolizing the groups time, or whatnot, because if I do it I may not put it very delicately. I jokingly said that's one of my AS traits. To my surprise, she said that she noticed a long time ago where my higher functioning son got it, and that she believed me to have AS. At first, I was relieved that someone else noticed, especially someone who knows a great deal about autism. It was kind of validating, of course until I got off the phone, and started to over-analyze the whole conversation in my head. Now, I'm obsessing over what gave me away. I thought I did an excellent job acting like everyone else. Guess not.
Has this kind of thing happened to any of you? If so, how did you handle the situation?

yes, I have been 'caught out' several times that I can remember long, long before I knew myself. I remember someone I knew saying 'and I looked up and thought to myself "wow, that woman sure can't walk in high heeled boots' and right then I knew it was you. you always walk like that" I was annoyed at the time, but I remember her saying it.

Asian women spot me immediately, I have had Asian women refuse to give me a manicure just by walking into the shop "no, not you! you too hard to work on!" or one woman said something in Hmung to the group and they all laughed then she waved me out of the shop. I remember one woman at the hair salon doing my hair and then snapped her fingers and said " oh, now I get it! you're too youthful for your age!" then she started talking to me like I was a child. I thought she was insane at the time, now I know what she 'saw'!

People roll eyes and look at each other meaningfully when I state something obvious to me, but obscure to them. I don't know if they realize or not that I see them. I don't think they care, as they are reinforcing their own mirror neurons .

Just last year, I was wondering why. . when pushing 60 I still hadn't 'grown up' and become an adult. I had always told myself it was because I hadn't raised children, or I was young at heart, or I was a 'flower child'(which was the actual case in the 60's and 70's) Later that year, I found the DX and self diagnosed. . .

Merle

Yeah, story of my life. I never knew anything was wrong with me though, how do you respond to people when they tell you, "'why don't you talk?'" I always said to myself that I never had anything to say (to justify why I didn't speak).

Which was wrong, because I did have stuff to say to them.

All my life people have rolled their eyes at me. And said hurtful comments like "you're ditzy, you're flighty, you're odd, unique, eccentric, strange, weird, odd" etc. It's so painful : (



It wasn't until I read about AS and came to this message board that I discovered the REASON why I have acted like I act. No diagnosis here... I hope *someday* I'll go to a "professional" for assistance with a diagnosis... but just reading this website everyday makes me feel validated. I read so many things that are "A-HA!" moments for me. It's been a real blessing.



But to answer your question Serenity, I've never been called out for AS. I told a lady one time, whose daughter is very Autistic, that I suspected I have AS and she said I could be and that she and her husband think that he (her husband) has it, too. But she didn't say anything else about my possibly having it. She's very kind to people and I think she would have been afraid to say much else about it. I really wish someone who is very familiar with AS would walk up to me or call me someday and tell me straight out that they think I have it. Wow, how liberating that would feel! Are you diagnosed with AS? Or you just felt validated by someone saying it cuz you already wondered about an AS dx?

Yeah, this was how I found out I had AS. I play poker one night a week and one of the guys who plays with us is a psychiatrist. Right in the middle of a hand he looked me straight in the eye and said "for someone with Aspergers Syndrome you handle it quite well". Three days later I had an official diagnosis and I suddenly realized why I had been having so many problems in the past.

Ed Almos

OMG Ed, how lucky you are!! !! Did you ask him why he figured you have AS?

An online colleague of mine (who's also an Aspie) figured I was AS long before I got my diagnosis, which is somewhat perturbing. I mean, if it's that obvious through just textual interaction, how obvious must it be in real life?

Everyone notices that I'm "odd," but no one tells me to me face. I'd hear others tell me they heard others say things about me like, "___ is: weird, crazy, ditzy, an oddball, or goofy, etc." When I would ask, then I'd either be told "I recognized aspergers in you but didn't want to say so for fear of being rude" or "I can't explain what's 'wrong' with you."

I think it would only be obvious to those who are knowledgeable about it - and there aren't very many of those around .

A former employer called me out as Autistic.

I get caught out when i meet a psychatrist or school teacher. Mind you is it nessicarly a bad thing? Its all very well hiding from your identity but in the end it leads to denial of your true being. (oooo head shrink in the house)

Back in the '60s, I was part of a group in our school where regular classroom kids did activities with mostly non-verbal, autistic kids. I got along with, and was comfortable with, the autistic kids especially well. A couple of the teachers mentioned similarities to each other (between behaviors) and I overheard.

After getting my dx at age 38, a couple people I worked with, also 'professionals,' would point out things to me.

Usually, I just get feedback that I don't waste words, quiet, intense.

Thanks, but there's no way I would describe myself as lucky. We'd known each other for three years or so by the time he mentioned AS for the first time so he had lots of examples to refer to. A couple of days after the game I went to his offices and we worked through a formal diagnosis, this was about twenty years after I first started having psychiatric problems.

Ed Almos

In the area I live being "called out" means someone wants to fight with you. They don't want to do it inside, so they "call you out". I hear teenaged girls mostly saying something like "I'm calling you out" or "Are you calling me out?" That's what I thought this thread was about. I thought, "what a strange subject, let me check this out"

To answer your question: No, I've never been called out, in either sense of the phrase. I get the eye rolling all the time and it's so insulting. I also get what I call the "conspiratorial glances" when two or more people turn to each other after I have just said something that was apparently strange or weird or inappropriate in their opinion, and give each other looks like "is she strange or what?" I don't let them get away with this kind of behavior anymore. I "call them out" not to fight, but to let them know they are being rude. I seem to have to do this a lot with my in-law.

My boyfriend at the time figured it out.

At first I was resistant, but the more I looked into it, the more obvious it was that he was right.

Every time that I read one of your posts about being mute, or near mute I'm amazed at the fact that were only just recently diagnosed. It's mind boggling to me that it took until adulthood for someone to give you the correct dx.

No, I don't have a dx, so it was validating, but it was also a little embarrassing, too. I can't help but wonder if all my sons' teachers, and paras chat about the possibility of me having AS during their lunch after an IEP meeting. Do you think that you'll ever go get an official dx, ChatBrat? I think I may someday when I can scrape up enough money.

LOL I never heard the term called out to mean fight. I totally know what you mean about in-laws, some of mine are coming to visit next weekend. I'm not looking forward to it.