Regardless of whether or not I actually have aspergers...

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I am going to tell certain people that I do...(already have)

It is alot easier for me to interract with people when I can explain why I can seem so detached and distant and particular and blunt and cranky.
It really breaks the ice when i can tell certain people that I am not cold and sometimes rude because of something they have done wrong, but because I am really particular about needing my space, and i can't stand small talk..I am not good at open "emotional" conversations..don't like to "hang out"...don't like physical contact.....blah blah blah...

If I can put a lable on the reason why I need so much space, then it will make more sense to the people I try to communicate this to...so that maybe they can back off and not feel like they have been dissed by me.

I think finally finding an answer in Asperger's for one's behaviour is not an excuse, but rather a starting point to see how we can address the things that make us unhappy about ourselves, and also the people around us. It is a beginning of understanding, about knowing what we are able to change and what we have to embrace and ask people to embrace about us.

Being rude is not an inherent aspie trait. We are not rude. We behave in a rude manner without meaning it. If you mean it, perhaps reconsider your aspie diagnosis. If you don't, perhaps reconsider whether you must not make small changes to the way you say things, your tone of voice, your consideration of how other people feel.

I make an effort at work to do a bit of small talk, even if it is just listening to my NT colleague telling me the details of her weekend. At some point, I excuse myself gently and say something like "I really have to get to work now", and I feel like I've done my bit. Just shutting them up and saying, dude, I really, really don't care, won't win you friends.

And being on this forum, trying to reach out, trying to get and gain understanding is ultimately about our biggest challenge in life: finding friends, real ones. And, yes, NT ones.

So, sorry for being rude (laugh): shape up. Don't let asperger's become your excuse. Let it become your inspiration and the fire that fuels your creativity and thought processes.

You misunderstood me.
I am not overtly rude and I did not mean to imply that Aspies are rude....I have pretty pervasive struggles with social skills ,and inadvertantly come off as rude to some people without meaning to.
I am not simply cold and uncaring. I am overwhealmed.
I am exhausted by small talk.
It drives me nuts.
The people who are around me the most know that i like my space and the worse thing they can do is corner me with chitchat.
Other people who hang around me and don't know me as well, simply think that I hate them because i don't respond well to their way of interracting, and I would like to be able to explain to them that I have a condition that affects my way of interracting with people. Once they understand that about me, then I am able to interract with them in a less frustrating way, because they understand a little better where I am coming from.
Being able to explain it in the context of my possibly having aspergers could make it easier for people to understand....I don't want to use aspergers as an exuse, but more as a tool for helping people understand where I am coming from....and only certain people.

So far it has worked. I explained about Aspergers to a girl that I was particularly not getting along with because the ways we communicate were clashing...and now that she understands the way my mind works a little better, though our personalities may still clash, there is more of a mutual understanding.

Do you ever question your own perceived notion of having aspergers?

And if I have ever said "are rude", I meant "SEEM rude" also. It comes from either speaking your mind, or simply telling the truth. HEY, if EVERYONE did it, it would lose its teeth and not be looked at with such disdain. Frankly, I HATE it when I find out I have done something that left a bad impression and someone always just let me do it because they didn't want to seem rude! I would have preferred to have just been told about it. So NTs "politness" is, ironically, part of our problem. Some "body language" we miss is because of a misplaced attempt at politness.

And YEAH, even if we don't OFFICIALLY have aspergers, we probably DO have some symptoms of it. After all, WHO wants to identify with a group that has any stigma if they don't have SOME connection to it? Seeming rude IS one more connection I have. I have to sometimes put a concious effort towards avoiding it, etc... and I HATE it! I knew one person that probably has LOTS of people laughing behind her back. Some problems AREN'T correctable, but some she COULD correct if she was told. Even the ones that aren't correctable would be less comedic if she knew about them. I can't tell her because it "wouldn't be polite".

Don't get me wrong, I like politeness but, every now and then, you need to have that laughing kid that says the emporor has no clothes!

Thanks for defending me.
Sometimes I have a really hard time controlling my reactions in certain situations...I can become irritable when confronted in certain ways...Sometimes i just don't feel like responding when I am in certain moods and people say stuff to me like "you don't look like you're having much fun tonight"...because I don't know how to respond to stuff like that.

All i can do afterwards is think about the way that I responded and chalk it up as another negative social experience...or bad impression made. When it is possible, I try to make up for it later...likesay if it a person I will be coming into contact with repeatedly....

I don't feel the need to explain it to everyone....just certain people from time to time.

Hey poopylungstuffing

Sorry, didn't mean to be so harsh, and yes, I misunderstood. I have the same problems as you do, so I feel double bad.

I think what is going on in my mind is the judgment some people has, when they know about one having AS. I am too scared myself to tell anyone, so you are quite brave in that way. I don't want people to treat me differently but yes, I also want them to understand that sometimes I need just space or to be left alone, and that it is also ok not to be as social as everyone else.

whatever works for you brah, do that one