New here, and maybe an aspie.

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Hello Wrong Planet.

A couple of months ago I found this forum and have been mostly on the chat. But it's not so easy to write long descriptions there, so now I'll post something here.

At first, a bit about me. My name is Anne, I'm 29 years old and come from Denmark.

In April this year I was at the psychiatric hospital with a severe depression.
When I came home, the doctor had written in my journal papers, out of some descriptions from my childhood he had read, that I had some fundamental difficulties in the social cognitive area, with motorical skills and with making structure and general view. Therefore they assumed that I might get difficulties with getting a job. (I am a student of theology).
A neuropsychologist also read the childhood descriptions and guessed that I might have a pervasive development disorder or something similar.
And the doctor gave me the (temporary?) diagnosis: mixed development disorder of specific skills. (This is a translation; don't really know what the diagnosis is called in English).

Moreover I found out (it was in my journal papers too) that my family guessed that I might have Asperger's, but they had never told me (it's difficult to say such a thing when you are not sure and the person is functioning well in everyday life).
I didn't know myself what it was and decided to find out, and so I found this page, among many others, and joined the chat.
At first I found some things that really applied to me, and other things really not, but when I found out it was a broad spectrum, I guessed it could make sense anyway to assume that I might have a hint of Asperger's. (I was really amazed to see e.g. that what I just thought was my odd habits in the childhood, and partly still today, was probably the thing known by others as the concept of "stimming"... )

Having read a lot on the topic, I wrote down all the traits I thought I had, and also those I didn't have. Amazingly, I found about 23 traits (still-existing or no-longer-existing), of which one of the traits, namely the stimming, counted 14 stims!

The doctor and neuropsychologist, mentioned before, think that a test should be made, but another psychologist, from the local psychiatry, just thinks it's a waste when I function well in everyday life (which I do) and doesn't really understand why it matters to me. Fortunately he seems to be the only one of that opinion, so I keep on working at getting a test, to get sure.

To this other psychologist I told about what my family had guessed about Asperger's. He told me that he wasn't an expert, but he had seen people with Asperger's before, and I didn't look like one of them in my way to behave towards him and so.
Then he asked me if I had obsessions, and I answered no, not really. And if I could read his facial expressions; I said yes to that.
His conclusion was that he was completely sure I didn't have it, but after what I've read here, I knew that you couldn't tell just out from those two questions.
So the next time I came up to him with my long list over assumed traits, and concluded, therefore I can't exclude that I might have a hint of Asperger's.
But you do have!, he answered!
I asked, are you sure? He answered, yes, you just explained that to me!
But then again, when I had a well-functioning life, there was no reason to test me... so I don't know if I'm just self-diagnosed with his approval, and it's going to say that in my journal papers?
So those days I try to call the neuropsychologist and ask her if it's really possible to do this. I'm not sure.

Now, originally my plan was to post my list of (maybe) aspie traits, and ask you what you think. (Of course it's not a diagnosis I know, but I've seen others do that and thought it could be interesting to see some other's opinion).
But this post is already getting long..........
....so I'll make another post on this thread for that.

Excuse me if there are errors in my English; it's not my first language.

Regards,
Anne (Pande).

(Or Edna Penna, as one on the chat writes, turning the nick around).

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Hello Anne, it's nice to meet you! It is great that you know two languages- don't worry about your English. You might want to introduce yourself in the Getting To Know Each Other forum

Hi Tim_Tex and aspie7120, and thanks for the welcome!
I'll leave for a couple of days, but I return next week and continue my long story (lol).

AnnePande,

Du taeler englesk meget god! Jeg taler dansk men det er sandsynligvis ikke saa god som deres engelsk! Jeg har ogsaa ikke en ordbog nu med mig.

Sorry, but I thought you'd get a kick out of it, if nothing else. I still mean it. I just haven't spoken danish in a long time. Hey, tell us about yourself. Yeah, I don't seem that unusual at first myself. I would probably get the same reaction that you did.

Hi again,

well it's a couple of days ago, but I'll give it a try.
(BTW the psychologist mentioned before has kind of changed his mind, and now thinks it makes sense to look a bit more at what might be about me. )

But here it comes - my long list of posssible aspie traits:

1. I could read at an early age, and before school (4½ years old), and did it very well too, never made spelling errors at school, even with difficult words, or so. I think it's quite common.

2. I have always had a good language ability.

3. I also had a big interest in music from early childhood. (As an example, I got a toy piano a the age of 4, and soon thought that something sounded wrong because it had no half notes). When I was 5, we got a real piano, and I would teach myself to play songs I knew, even in harmonies I made myself, or make new melodies up. Later (at the age of 8 ) I was taught to play, learned the notes, and later again, kind of learned myself to sing at sight (at least inside my own head, but I can do it loud too, I just haven't had many occasions for it).

4. Stimming (or I guess that is):
a. Snapping the thumbs.
b. Turning around myself when I walk (and then walk along and turn another time), or before walking out of a door or before sitting down. (Mostly as a kid.)
c. Holding on the same place on the radiator (as a kid).
d. Rubbing the back of my head against the shoulders (as a kid).
e. Putting my tongue out, i.e. not to someone special, just doing it (as a kid).
f. Picking my eyelashes so that they were always gone (as a kid).
g. Picking loose skin at the roots of my nails (as a kid).
h. Smell things I took in my hands (as a kid, mostly).
i. Turning things around that I take in my hands, e.g. a book, my phone, or something. (I still do this, normally just one or two times, but now I've found out that it's kind of nice to continue for a while, quite relaxing, in fact. )
j. Making a short hum, in a way so that it resounds in my own ears. (Do that quite often.)
k. Flapping my hands / arms when I get eager or excited. I think I also make some funny hand movements when I talk and get eager. (It's funny because when I read about handflapping as a common stim, I thought, well I've never done that... until the day I took myself in doing exactly that in a moment of excitement! - and of course I knew that I had done it lots of times before, but never thought about it.)
l. Rocking gently, when I'm sitting and thinking.
m. Walking (pacing?) up and down the floor when I'm thinking or am excited.
n. Sucking / biting my under lip when I'm concentrating (e.g. when writing, playing the piano or so).
- All this is something I only do when I'm alone, though. Or if there should be a bit of it in public, people don't seem to notice it.

5. Not very good motorical skills. (This was worse in my childhood though. Today I do all the practical things you need to do in everyday life, but maybe sometimes another way than others would do them - but the result is the same. Today I may sometimes have to try more than once to do a thing, but it helps when I deliberately focus on exactly the movement I am going to do. I may have developed this even without noticing it or thinking about it. I may still not be the most practical person in the world, but in everyday life it's not a problem.)

6. As a kid I had a lot of social difficulties, was bullied a lot in school and didn't really have friends, but today I have, and like to talk to people and meet new people.
It was a problem in my family too, also in my teenage years and further, because I and my family didn't always understand each other. They would tell me that they had tried to make me understand for years, but that I couldn't or didn't want to. When I asked, what I had to understand, they couldn't really explain it... Or they would tell me that I didn't do a practical thing correctly (cf. point 5.) We had a lot of conflicts about all this. So I often could feel a bit alone and different and "beside" all the others - they also told me that I was different, and not like most people. That was true in many ways I think, and still in some.

7. Tendency to correct other people's language. (As a kid).

8. Lack of understanding of irony, metaphors etc. as a kid. (Though it may have been more a question of not considering those things "correct language", than lack of understanding per se.) Today I can still often be a "quibbler", but not because I don't understand.

9. As a kid, I played alone a lot and could get very angry if I was disturbed (and in other cases too!). Often I would prefer reading a book or playing in the wood alone instead of being with other kids. I spend a lot of time alone in my room.
Today I still feel good in my own company, e.g. I can walk around alone in the city a whole day without missing company, or be alone in my room a long time without being bored.

There are lots of more things left, but I think I'll wait to post the rest, so this post won't be too long. (The point about stimming was a long story in itself! )

Anne.

Welcome to WrongPlanet

Thank you, Richie, for the links, they were interesting.

Here comes my continued list of possible aspie traits:

10. Lack of interest in clothes and fashion. To me, clothes are mainly a necessarity to stay warm or not be naked. I can't really follow most people's excitement about clothes, and that has also made conflicts in the family, when we went for shopping clothes and they found a lot of things which they thought looked good, and I just thought that putting clothes on and off was troublesome and wished it all was over...

11. As a kid I used to walk on my toes (I've been told).

12. I am not totally "rude" or "blunt" as such, but maybe a bit rude anyway sometimes... but I usually notice it myself and regret it. (But often when I mention it, the others say they didn't notice it... )

13. As for smalltalk: I can do this. But sometimes I get tired of special topics / kinds of smalltalk. (E.g. how my studies are (as if that was the only thing in my life, e.g. if they just ask that instead of asking how I am in general); how long I have studied; sometimes "irrelevant" questions I don't think matter). It's in situations like this I may be what I think is a bit rude, and give a "quibbler" answer, or just answer "yes" or "no" to the question instead of chattering on (and then people may look confused at me and don't know what to say, lol). I also tend to be a bit "too" logical sometimes, or just think by myself: oh, why are other people so unlogical so often in their thought?

14. I prefer to do just one thing at the time, and sometimes I say it. (Sometimes it have made some guys reply: I thought women could multitask?! lol.)

15. According to my family, I am "thinking differently from most people", and we often found it different to understand each other's way of thinking (I may have mentioned this before).

16. Parties and gatherings don't bother me, but sometimes, even at a party or something, I can sit / go for myself, just letting the thoughts fly, and it doesn't matter to me.

17. Maybe it's part of the "loner" thing in my case that I, at the age of 29, have never had a boyfriend or really been in love, but really, it doesn't matter. If it might happen one day, that's fine, but it's not a great topic to me.

18. I've always had a more than average good memory, especially about things I have read or heard, conversations and so, especially if I am interested in it. It's also easy to me to learn a song text by heart, even if it's a long one.

19. I tend to have my own way to do things - and therefore my family often has considered me stubborn, because I didn't want to do them in the more "smart" way (that the others thought / decided was "smart", that is), and it may be true, but it could also be because I simply thought my way was easiest to me. It may also be part of this "problems with authorities" thing, but I'm not sure.

20. I've been told, when I was younger, that I "lived in my own world" / "in a glass case" or "didn't notice things".

21. Sometimes I tend to speak in a long train of thoughts that is difficult to stop again (my psychologist pointed that out to me), and if I get disturbed by a third person who begins to talk about something else, I may get annoyed (but don't say it) and just wait for when he's finished, and then I continue exactly where I stopped. Or if the one I talk to say things that in any way disturb the thought, I may say, let me finish the other thing, but then get confused and forget what I wanted to say, and have to think a bit to get back.

22. Then there are some oddities I had as a kid, I don't think they in themselves are aspie traits as such, but some things that contributed to the picture of me "being different": I continued for a long time to do things younger kids might do, such as using a dummy / pacifier (you would see me writing with one in the mouth!), or eating the things laid on the bread before the bread. Or just odd thing as sleeping with the light on because I was afraid of the darkness, and when I finished that, sleep with the quilt over my head (I still do this).

Well, that was my long list... - I also have written some things down about aspie traits I don't have (or which I'm not sure on), but that will be in a new post, and it's not going to be that long - I promise...
And you don't have to comment on every single thing in my posts! - or if you think it's all to much, just forget it.

Anne.

Aspie traits that I don't have (there may be more than I list here):

1. Obsessions. - I'm not quite sure though, if I may have had something of that kind, I'm not sure what really constitutes an obsession. In the equivalent to high school, I once had a very intense interest in Latin and Spanish, maybe almost like falling in love with it. I read a lot more than necessary and therefore learned everything before the others, and remembered what I had read very well and became good at it. But I also thought myself that that interest was a bit too exaggerated.
I have a tendency to become interested in something and want to examine it, and what I find out, I can remember well. As a kid I often would read in books of many kinds, also encyclopedias, atlases and dictionaries, just to find interesting stuff, and often I remembered what I had read so people got impressed over the different things I knew.
As a smaller kid I sometimes had some rolls that I totally got into, and never got out of, or became interested in things like vacuum cleaners or angels (ie. I would talk about them all the time, ask my mom to draw them / make songs about them, wish a birthday cake of that shape, etc.)
And sometimes I may focus too much on a detail, or think a lot over a topic (that becomes a worry) in a way so it's difficult to stop thinking about.
But I don't know if those things are obsession-like. (One has suggested that my interest in finding out about AS has become an obsession? lol.)

2. I don't have hypersensitivity.

3. I don't have problems with eye contact, or with reading facial expressions.

4. I wouldn't consider myself having social problems as such today, generally.

5. I am not especially interested in animals or feel that they're easier to relate to than humans. (I think I have read of that as a trait, but not sure.)

That was all I could think about, I guess.

Anne.

Hi there...............
I got diagnosed today!
(More about that, I'm busy now....)

Anne.