Not finding your/my/our people

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Never really found my people. Spent years in various online communities and still felt like an outsider. If I do get to the stage where I begin to feel like I'm a part of an online group, the group disbands. Spent years in jobs where most people were older and I didn't connect with them, then switched job, it flipped and suddenly I was the older person the the young weren't interested in. Or, you could paint that with the colour 'boring' and the colour 'interesting'. It's always that, yearn to meet a particular type or person or group of people, then when I do, I'm not seen, or, I don't feel seen, or mainly just watch from afar.
I don't know what I can realistically expect "my people" to be. They'd have to enjoy at least three of my interests. I'm not even sure if I want to meet people any more. I get too easily annoyed and irritated by people, sometimes angry about it.
I got family, live with partner and 2 kids.

Last edited by frollpoff on 15 Aug 2025, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In online spaces I often get anxious when I see people being critical of other people. If it's not specific, I'll automatically assume that it could apply to me quite easily. Will become uncertain if applies to me or not. Distrust those who speak with too much certainty or absolutes.
I will read many posts sometimes, but don't often directly respond in any to-and-fro discussion. Mainly post semi-random interjections which arose from something I read in the thread.
Don't tend to join in with the threads where people are having a really tough time and need support, always find in difficult to think of something genuine to say... to a bunch of one's and zero's on the screen.

I don't really mean that, that that is all I see, when reading what people say on internet forums,

often times equate my usernames with unworthiness of other's responses, that's the conclusion drawn

the internet reflects real life, just as it is in the realworld where friendships don't break beyond the boundaries of the school/university/work, so it is online with the forum. if they even form at all.

from above: got family, live with partner and 2 kids.

Well you have those peeps , i d say you might be doing pretty well. just have those some of us do not even have them.

I also haven't connected with anyone though I've meet many people in my life. I guess I feel diferent from most so can't connect.

I can relate. I too can never seem to find my people. By the time I ever start to really figure someone out: what is their type of fun? What silent games are they playing? ...by that time they drift out of my life, or I'm moving away to some new place again for my own survival

Thought found some peeps that I fit with, then later on, I discover there values are not any where what I expected.
So afterwards I end up being a targeted person by them or worse. Nothing like good Ole Aspie Naivete.

You're part of this community just by joining.

We are "your people"

...lolzzz. fun,, now thats cool,now at least one bucket list item off the list.. Now I do not need to try LSD now, before I die...lolzzz.

Early days for me here. I've started watching Astrid: Murder in Paris because of joining wrongplanet, quite enjoying it. Watched the 1st episode of series 4 by accident, wasn't sure if I'd stick with it, just watched S1E1, pretty much hooked. Can't speak a word of French, but fine with subtitles.
I always wanted to have some sort of special gift like that. Never found what it is though. I don't have genius level IQ. Around 125.
Beginning of last year I was diagnosed autistic, only two and a half years ago I first thought oh actually that could be it, and my mind was racing through past events connecting dots!

I'm really into niche topics, which doesn't help.
For example, I'm religious, but I'm a religious liberal. So I don't fit in with conservative Christians or secular progressive types. As another example, I'm interested in Russian culture, but I don't like Putin -- he's horrible. I sorta joined a Russian group of anti-Putin activists online, but I'm not Russian or an activist and so I don't really belong.
I don't know if that's because I'm autistic or just because I'm me. Sometimes I wonder if I even have "people" to find, or if I'm just a weird group of one.

Also, I like potato chips, but only day-old salt and vinegar flavor ones. (I just made that up, it's a joke)

Yeah that's how I feel, I gravitate to niche topics also... Music for example, I gravitate toward niche music (and find a large amount of popular music unbearable (because so often there's no choice, it's forced upon people and I can't switch off from that), music that's too niche for most regular people, but not niche enough for others. Or it's the wrong niche, not a good niche to listen to, I'm not a proper music fan, an imposter. Not always sure if I'm just imaging that part, or that's just the barrier I put up to protect from rejection, but then feel rejected because nobody comes to me to exchange thoughts on a mutual interest.

niche topics are largely personal. For example what's your favourite song, music, food, colour. what side of bed do you wake up on in the mornings. No surprises.

Who knows, you might meet some of "your people" here. But, to make that even a remote possibility, I would suggest that you edit your profile to add a signature line that mentions your interests. I would suggest that you ALSO add your location -- not specific enough to endanger your privacy, but at least your country, and, if it's a large country, your province/state/region and/or nearest major metro area.


It's great that you have your family.

Later in this thread, you wrote:


There are some religious liberals here on Wrong Planet (as well as some conservative Christians and secular progressive types). Keep an eye out for them in the Politics, Philosophy, and Religion section.

The tribal nature of human beings is just pathetic. In western society people are usually encouraged to be individuals that think for themselves, but people who aren't part of a social group are seen as loners, and loners are supposedly all freaks, deviants, even a threat to others.

Yeah, well, I guess the less time I spend around them, the less I'm a "threat" to others. And the world as we know it, supposedly.