Navigating Asperger’s burnout

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Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m having a hard time differentiating between my autistic burnout and what is presumably the schizoaffective side of my dual diagnosis (Asperger’s / Schizoaffective depressive type). I’m hitting a wall right now, and I think people here might understand the specific frustration of having a brain that functions too logically for its own good.

One of my biggest struggles is that my condition doesn't fit the "Hollywood" version of mental illness. I don't see demons or hear voices telling me I'm the Messiah. Because I lack these "dramatic" symptoms, it's almost impossible to prove to my parents that I'm not just "lazy." In reality, my executive function is completely shot. From the outside, it looks like a lack of will, but from the inside, it’s a total depletion of resources.

The most disturbing part is the thought insertion and broadcasting. I see a constant flow of autonomous thoughts that don't belong to me, mostly accusing me of things. I don't have delusions about the CIA—I know it’s just my brain malfunctioning and "DDoS-ing" me through affect. It’s a biological glitch, but it’s exhausting. On top of that, I have these tactile hallucinations where I feel like insects are biting me. I honestly can't tell if this is just extreme ASD sensory overload or the schizoaffective side flaring up.

I'm currently in Indonesia with no money, no meds, and no job. I'm a specialist in RHEL-like systems and Linux, and I do web-dev as a hobby. But my Asperger’s makes me instinctively reject modern libraries and frameworks—they feel too bloated, "totalitarian," and illogical. I stick to vanilla HTML/CSS/JS, which seems to be a career suicide in a job market obsessed with bloat. I've been trying to find work, but I keep getting rejected, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore.

I’m curious if anyone else deals with this kind of "logical" psychosis where you keep your critical thinking while your brain is sabotaging you. How do you explain these "negative symptoms" to parents when you don't fit the "crazy" stereotype? And for the tech folks—how do you navigate a job market that demands you use tools that your brain just fundamentally rejects as "wrong"?

Thanks for reading.

I have no good way to give you.
I wish you a good life.

it is important to exercise self-analysis under the premise that you are an unreliable narrator

what does this mean?

example: I am a person with mild autism and a lot of anxiety --and like you, I can logically and empirically come up with all kids of reasons that the world is coming to an end, I have some terrible disease, a girl will reject me, whatever. It all seems perfectly reasonable--but it isn't

you are telling yourself that your current career focus and tech interests are the best way to go, and making up reasons that other technologies or career paths are wrong--and you are doing this out of fear and anxiety, not because it is logical

as a person who overcame a lot of problems with autism and anxiety, this was my method:

1. The relief from anxiety and the benefits of action far outweigh the persistent depression and anxiety that comes from inaction, obsessing over outcomes, and beating myself up over not succeeding. I put off a routine medical exam recently because I was worried I was going to get some horrible diagnosis--but I finally went in and had the exam done, because the persistent anxiety of not knowing, was worse than biting the bullet and going in for the exam.

Another example is "I am worried about this new technology, how complex it is, and how it will impact my career"! --and the solution is to go learn the technology.

2. Everyone on the spectrum seeks comfort and shelter--many don't like to be challenged. My son is a lot like you: very smart, but his executive function is bad. He doesn't realize all the skills he has, and he doesn't like being pushed (tried that). The sensory issues are probably anxiety manifesting

you are not a reliable narrator--in other words, the way you view yourself and your problems is not reality, it is a fiction. Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong.

Linux is a marketable skill, and the better you know it, the better the career opportunities (I worked in the IT industry for 25 years). You have the foundation, you just need to grow from it. I am having problems getting my kid to simply take some basic Microsoft exams!