Why does asking questions about someone make you judgmental?

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In the past I was accused of being judgmental when I ask questions because I wanted more information about something. I wasn't going to be making any assumptions or judgments without knowing all the facts first. But yet I would still get accused of being judgmental. Hello, isn't being judgmental jumping to conclusions or assumptions without knowing the whole story?

Like you see a single mother with five kids and you right away assume she is on welfare and WIC and foodstamps and is single just because she looks young and has no partner with her. You also think she is one of those mothers who abuses the system and keeps having kids. That is being judgmental because you don't know her and her life like if she is married and if she makes a lot of money or her husband makes enough to support them all and they don't get that stuff.

Well anyway I was on another board and this mother says she drops her kid off at daycare at 8:30 am and picks him up at 5:30 and she considers it a long time but he seems happy. Then she asked if there are really people who drops their kids off at daycare at 7am and don't pick them up till 6pm. She also asked how we felt about it and if we are happy about it and if lot of people do it. Then she asked for opinions.

But instead some people accuse her of being judgmental. Uh she asked a question, I don't see how that is judging. Like I say, wouldn't you have to assume for it to be judging? She be judging if she made assumptions about people who do it. But she made no assumption. I think people read into her OP too much and it pisses me of when people do that stuff. I wish they would just read what exactly the person writes. Same as what people say.

So why do people consider you being judgmental when you ask a question? Could it be the tone like the way you ask it?

Someone did copy the OP's post and underlined where people interpreted her being judgmental and said it was the tone. So could it not be asking questions that makes people think you're judgmental and it's the tone instead?

I could actually see how that would come off as judgmental; I don't know if she meant to be or not, as I wasn't there, but considering that this isn't an Autistic person you're referring to, I'm guessing it was highly likely.

I suppose also there is the assumption that people make of why you are asking the question. I think most people work more on assumption than on fact most of the time, whereas people with AS find it hard to create social assumptions and like to work with facts (and so ask a lot of "inappropriate" personal questions).

Myself, I don't like the obsession with judgement. We have a massive movement here of so-called "non-judgemental counselling" and I always ask how you can form any opinion, or offer advice or counsel someone without judging. I think people confuse judgement with discrimination, and assume that the only reason to form judgements is to negatively discriminate against people.

I don't understand how that's judgemental at all. But then, since when did NTs need any actual reason to make stupid assumptions?

I agree with StuartN. The assumption seems to be that if someone is asking questions about something, then they have already formed an opinion about it.

It could also be that some of the people who were doing what she suggested feel guilty about it, or have been attacked by people who wanted them to feel guilty about it. It may be very possible that a person's employment situation could keep them from being able to pick their child up until late in the evening -- either because of long or unsteady hours or because of a long commute -- and they already feel like people are judging them, so they are quick to snap at anyone they feel may actually do so.

I know for a fact that people with AS tend to be judgemental (excuse me if you are an exception). If I see a civilian wearing his hood over his head, I instantly feel intimidated (providing I am close in proximity) and I think that he may spontaneously attack me, which is ridiculous.

I still fail to see it.

I don't see why it would make anyone seem judgmental.

My feeling is that the bolded part of the sentence is what caused the problem. She seemed to believe that she left her kids at daycare longer than she should. She then asked if others left their kids at daycare longer. My guess is the other parents felt she was trying to feel better about what she was doing by telling herself that she wasn't as bad as they were.

The way you state it happening, I would have taken it as a request for information much as you say you did.

it sounded like she was surprised that someone would leave their kids there even longer.