Wondering if my new friend has Aspergers

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Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and quite frankly I'm under a difficult dillemma. Now see, as a half aspie I pretty much have the inside scoop on both the NT world and the Autistic world and am more perceptive than more typical lower functioning ASD or Autistic people. I call myself a "half aspie" because while I was diagnosed with it when I was 9, some other doctors said I don't have it and it just gets confused with severe OCD which I do have.

My main issues are overcoming my anxiety, fear and rituals and also learning to control my emotions and learn to be independent. However socially I am pretty much like the average NT person and have no trouble making friends. I can tell if someone is lower functioning than me by observing their social quirks and this is what I've noticed

You see just recently I started college and I made a friend there, she's a girl a little older than me, she's around 24. And at first she was totally normal, however as I got to know her better she is defenitly not socially savvy like typical people in our age group, in fact she is downright like a little kid. Her appearence is defenitely Aspie like and her voice is kind of strange as well. She sometimes makes inappropriate comments in my math class that causes the other students to laugh at her and while she says she has other friends, so far I think I'm the only friend she's got as she mostly spends time with her parents or quirky older people.

She also tends to cry alot when she gets frusturated and tends to state how she's feeling when she does, saying things like "I'm upset." She takes things wayy too literally and is always worried about offending people whenever she gives her opinion, she also talks wayy too much. She has no sense of humor as again she is a very literal person and doesn't understand how teens/young adults operate and she is also pretty slow cognitively as she is still at the same two year college already for almost 5 years!! Oh yeah and she has no interest in normal pop culture and just likes Pixar movies but nothing else. Even on the internet she is way too literal and always says stuff like, "that's your opinion, you don't have to take my suggestions if you don't want to, I hope I haven't offended you."

Now you see when I approached her with these quirks of hers, she just said she was diagnosed as having a learning disability but she was never diagnosed with autism or Aspergers, however I feel she defenitly is one and way worse than me too. The problem is how do I let her know without offending her, and do you think I'm just over analyzing this or does she have all the symptoms of Aspie Autistic people.....

I hope I'm not crazy it's just that I went to middle school and high school in a Autistic Spectrum school and she fits all the criteria and really is alot like the kids there, also again seeing as how I'm both NT and Aspie, I can see through and observe people's social skills much better than someone who is a full Aspie....but again I could be wrong...what does it sound like to you....

Bump, someone please give me advice.

Sounds possible.

It's also possible if she didn't specify what learning disorder she had it could be she has Nonverbal Learning Disorder which is basically the same as Asperger's but is often diagnosed in girls.

first off you can't be an aspie and NT, the two mutually exclusive term's.
Other than that i can't be of much help, but if she says she has a learning disability then maybe that is it, you could be confusing the two, although i see no reason why she could not have both.

But do you think I should ask her or tell her this or is it a touchy subject. To be quite honest I'm not sure I want to continue being such close friends with her, I hate to be mean and she really is a sweet girl but she's just so much more socially underdeveloped than me and I would like to hang out with more NT people and people that share my interests.

I mean I've already experienced hanging out with people like her in my High School and now that I'm in college I want to experience new types of people you know.

How come she was never diagnosed then, I mean again I could be wrong but does she sound more NT or autistic.....

And yeah, I really don't think I have traditional ASD or if I do it's very mild cause I'm fine socially but I just have very severe anxiety. My dad thinks I don't have ASD either and I just get mistaken for having it due to my severe OCD.j

That's why I refer to myself as a "half aspie" since I do have some symptoms but not all of it. My symptoms are mostly OCD like.

All i am going to say is she might have something similar (if not actually AS).

I don't see why you would won't to stop being friends with her just because she is a bit odd

I have a lot of odd friends believe me, one of my best friends has an obsession with Nazis and Orthodox Jews but I still love her because even though she is also herself quirky I can relate to her well and she has my sense of humor and a regular teenage mindset. This girl on the other hand I have nothing in common with and she acts either like a mom or like a little kid and again why hang out with someone who embarrases me in college and who I don't have anything in common with.

Have you ever had this dilllema, I think it's an especially hard situation for us higher functioning/milder Aspies, in fact I find it harder to relate to lower functioning Aspies/autistic kids than I do with NT people. Does that make sense..... [/quote]

It think it is entirely up to you to decide. No i have never had this problem as i have never had friends. And no it doesn't

Yes, it is wrong.

If you're embarrassed by us aspies that aren't only "half-aspie" like you are I don't think you should even be posting here. It's one thing to not want to be friends with her. It's another to be embarrassed by her and say it to a bunch of autistic people who struggle to make friends themselves.

Thank you for saying what i was to chicken to say.

Oh I didn't mean it like that, really I'm sorry if I offended anyone I just wanted some advice. I mean she may not even be an Aspie or autistic right??

Anyways, I love the people here on this forum and I relate to you guys well and I do very much understand your struggles as I used to have them myself but have learned to adapt to "looking" NT in public, and again maybe I'm cynical because I spent all my teen years surrounded by Aspies and Autistic people and I guess I'm just tired of it.

Also this girl truly is socially unskilled as she speaks very robot like and literal even online whereas you guys talk really typical online.....So yeah.

I also feel it is wrong. You may ask why is it wrong? the answer is simple, how would you feel if you knew someone was embarassed hanging out with you?

It is a choice you have to make for yourself, what is more important to you? fit in with a group of people who would judge you and/or laugh at you for hanging out with her (in other words, a group of pretty shallow and ignorant people), or be yourself and hang out with whoever you want and feel comfortable with? On the other hand don't force yourself to hang out with her if you don't really feel comfortable with her, I mean just for yourself, not because of whatever other people would think.

And to answer the question about her being Aspie or not, from your description it seems she has some AS traits, if not Aspergers probably at least on the autism spectrum, but there may be some other issues, its difficult to tell.

Good luck whatever you decide

Shadi