Party: ME vs NT

Post Reply New Topic

Here's the difference between me and a NT.

Good friend says she is having a little thing for her birthday. Meeting at her place, driving to a winery, nice evening. Several of her other friends are going.

NT: Cool? What time? I'll be there!

Me: Who's driving? Is there a designated driver? What if it snows? How far is the winery? How long will we be there? What's it like? What will we be doing, exactly? Can I just bring my own car and meet you all there?

I immediately start thinking of ways out, because while it sounds fun, it also sounds terrifying and waaay too unknown.

I used to be like that. As long as I don't work the next day I just don't care too much anymore. For the most part i'm the same way. I have to have a plan for activities. What winery btw?

LMAO Siuan! That sounds exactly like me! You forgot "how many other people are going?" At the end I always add, "I'll have to see if I have the evening open" or something to that extent. I also immediately think of ways to get out, and I cannot commit to anything spur of the moment. I have to ask all my questions then go home, and think about it.

I remembered

I dunno. I hate to deny a friend on her birthday, but it's finals. My final assignment is due at the end of the weekend.

And it might snow. And my anxiety about some of the ppl who will be there is through the roof. Am I being a sh*thead?

No, you are not! :) Why go to something "fun" if it would not be fun for you?

I'm the same way.

Me on parties:

"How many people are going?"
"Do I know all the people?"
"How far away from where I live is it?"
"Can you give me directions, with landmarks?" (I then have the repeat the directions ten times.)
"Is there going to be loud music?" (Yuck.)
"Will there be dancing?" (I'm not going!)
"Is it an informal or formal event?"
"It looks like It's going to rain..."
"How long will it last?"
"Are you SURE there won't be a lot of people going?"
"...You promise?!"

Nine times out of ten I end up not going. If I must, I sit in a corner and play games on my cell phone, while random people sit next to me and say things like, "you look lonely!" and start talking to me. It's always creepy people, too.

Here's me on parties.

Questions I ask out loud:
"When does it start?"
"Where is it?"
"Can I just get the address so I can Mapquest it?"
"Where can I park?"
"Can I get there by public transportation?"
"How many people are going to be there?"
"Who's going to be there?"
"Should I bring anything?"
"Is it a sitting and chilling party or a dancing party?" (I actually like to dance.)
"What will people be wearing?"

Questions I think to myself:
"Is there a bus route or a train station nearby so I can escape if I need to?"
"Are a lot of 'cool' people going to be there?"
"Is it going to be mostly people I know or mostly people I don't know?" (ups and downs to both)
"Should I bring anything so I won't be labeled as a freeloader?"
"What type of party is it so I can prepare myself accordingly?"
"What should I wear that will match other people and keep me from looking like a dork?"

Count me in, no questions asked. I'll be the first there and the last to leave.

That's the part I hate, though. When is it appropriate to get there? Aren't we supposed to be "fashionable late?"

What time do we leave? What if I'm the last one there?

That happened to me a few years ago. I was having such a good time, suddenly I was the last one there. I was so embarassed.

I always have to check first if I'm free that night then I always ask my wife if it's ok for me to go.

Difference between us if we get invited to something on our own. She tells me that she's going somewhere.

I ask if she's ok with me going.

Not that I get a lot of invites.

No, you're not being a sh*ithead. lol I would be thinking all the same things, even if I didn't have anything pressing to do. I think it highly depends on how close this friend is. If she's a really close close friend that expects you to be there, then yes I think you should go. If she's just a casual friend then you can bow out with grace using your assignment as the excuse.

There are NTs like this too. The fact that you find the idea fun but scary is anxiety.

they may look creepy but they just try to be nice:D

I don't mean people trying to be nice and me pulling away...

I mean guys who can't keep their hands to themselves.

I too must have a gameplan and must always know in advance about something. Spur of the moment is horrible for me. I dont ask a ton of questions unless I must drive a ways. If their is alot of people, especally people I dont know, I make a breif apperence to save face and then make up and excuse for leaving, which can be very difficult sometimes because you have to pick the right moment to tell everyone you gotta leave.

Saturday night I go to this UFC fight night party across town I always get invited too, its a small gathering of people, and one of my best friends birthdays. I plan on attending and watching the fight, but depending on how many people show up will decide how long I stay and how much activity (noise, crowdedness, nowhere to sit ect) will also decide the duration of time I spend their.

But I always have a good time, its always good I think to make at least a breif apperence just to say hi, maby meet a few people and show you did find time in your scedual for your friends cause God knows, friends for us is hard enough, and I fear the day my friends get older, get married and have children, eather ill be lucky enough to do the same, or ill be friendless for the rest of my life...

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH......

This is so true! LOL.

And like Riverotter said, why do something that's not fun for you, just because everyone else thinks it's fun? It's so difficult, though, because you can't just tell the truth: "I don't want to go because it won't be fun for me," because that seems so insulting, of course...

Anyway, yes, I tend to need a plan and hate it when people corner me into doing things at the spur of the moment. But my NT friend went to a psychologist recently and the psychologist told her that the way she analyzes everything and must plan everything (such as, freaking out when someone calls her up and says they want to pick her up in a few minutes to go out and do something) is UNHEALTHY. I suppose that's only the case for NTs...? Although I don't know if I buy it even then... (Also, note that my NT friend only started being such a planner after she met me; maybe I rubbed off on her, haha.)

I am the same. I have less problems when it was something I suggested or when I am the driving force behind the plan, but otherwise, I do find a million reasons to avoid it. Not answering the phone seems to be working the best:)

Even when I agreed to go, I usually make myself physically ill at the thought and cannot even enjoy having a drink etc.

I am usually coaxed into going by others saying "it's ok, it just means this is going to be a good night. You ALWAYS feel terrible before going anywhere"

and then once there, I never really know if I will manage throughout or just duck out to come home.

So, of course, that said...sometimes it is so much more convenient to avoid!