Who here is ultra-sensitive to getting told off?

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When my friend Terrance died and was found the other day, I went up to his room and listened at the door. I knew that I was being taped. I thought to flip the bird at the camera, but was too nice. I thought to wink at it, but that seemed like I was expecting them not to do their job. I noticed a piece of a key stuck in the keyhole. I tried to take it out. I thought I might be able to look in his room just to see his stuff, something that reminded me of him, one last time.


I went up there again and did the same thing, just stood in front of his door. I listened, to see if anyone said anything. I came back a third time. Did the same thing. I think that was when I wrote it. "My name is Terrance Armstrong. I died because my shrink didn't give a crap about me. I needed stimulation but didn't get it. For stimulation, I tried everything. I wrote for important magazines. I emailed my many family and friends. I talked to people and helped them out. I drank and partied and had sex, and I took my antidepressants. I knew it was dangerous, but I had no choice, I was understimulated. This dead world isn't stimulating enough for me. I was too good for this world." Then I wrote in bigger letters, "The ones who get plucked are the prettiest. Survival of the shittiest." Terrance was the nicest guy there, and he had to be the one to die.


I later came back again and just stood there outside his door. I sometimes expected him to open it if I knocked, and say "What's the matter? There was a rumor going around that I was dead, is that it?" A man came out of his room. "Oh, that's the room the guy died in," he said. "did you know that a guy died in there?" I said yes. "He was in there for a week," someone else said. A third person came around the corner and down the hall. "How did he die?" the second man asked, as he walked away. "Overdose," the third man said. I left a few seconds later. The first two men saw me reading what I had written earlier, and they thought nothing of it. They knew that since he had died, someone would probably write something on his door; they said he died when they saw me looking at the writing. Everyone on the fifth floor was talking about it anyway. They were good sports. Why weren't certain staff members?


When the crazy woman next to our room complained about something unrelated (us supposedly banging on the walls, but we weren't) one of the women who worked downstairs came up to talk to both my mother and her abut it, and then conversation turned to Terrance and the woman said that I could talk to a woman named Jasmine downstairs if ever I needed to, that she knew I was probably upset about Terrance. My mother said I was okay, I was dealing with it, and was on antidepressants anyway, but she would tell me that.


Just a few minutes ago, the man named Cam who works here, who makes sure the people here don't go on inappropriate sites, told me not to go on the fifth floor. Did I know why? I stuttered something stupid about "there's nothing up there for me anyway" and he said, "And you know why? Yes you do? About that, we know about it." And I said, "I'll wash it off!" Now that people had seen it I was willing to. And he said, firmly, a bit mad, "His family was very distressed by it."


f**k. The whole world is going to hate me, and then I'm going to end up getting so depressed I hate them, and doing something stupid like going on a shooting spree. f**k! Just fuckity fuckity f**k!


Why am I so damn sensitive about myself, but so insensitive to other people's feelings?


Instead of thinmking, "They're mad, they feel bad, is there anything I can do?" I think, "f**k them! They're mad at me."

i am. i always want to be right but i am willing to change my point of view if someone else is right and i am wrong

i've learned that constructive criticism isn't really about being belittled, but actually an opportunity to hear someone else's point of view, consider their points, and if their constructive criticism is beneficial to my improvement, it is really a good thing, not a bad thing.

demeaning criticism is a different subject. I've learned over time, to deflect demeaning criticism as something negative, probably narcissistic in nature, and to generally not give it the attention and consideration that the bully dishing it out, so craves...

http://www.myspace.com/mikegeorgemusic

one time, in high school, i was doodling in class while my teacher was talking, and she got really mad at me and started yelling and i started crying because i had never been yelled at before by anyone other than family. it was really stressful and caused a meltdown, which just made her madder and i didn't know how to explain myself.. but i often doodle so i can associate what i'm hearing with something visual.. or else i won't remember it... but i couldn't say anything to her. i kinda froze up and just started crying. it was really embarassing.

I am. When I was little I was so sensitive to it that I'd cry if I saw someone else being told off.

Not particularly. I thought that all aspies were like me in that they only often see only the INSTRUCTION and ignore the way it was said. I only come in to conflict when I see the instuctions as being illogical or incorrect.

I can't stand being told off.

Sid :O)

I don't like being criticized. I feel that people have demonized me and made assumptions. Constructive criticism I can take but right now I feel that I am being kicked when I am down.

Sometimes I take it personally when I shouldn’t. If you know that you did not do anything wrong then criticism shouldn’t bother you.

Why cant people just tell you when they feel you have done something wrong? why to they have to be so agressive and nasty about it. If i feel that someone is attacking me i get defensive. If i feel that they are pointing something out in a genuine way and in a constructive way to the situation, then i am more likely to accsept their point of view. Also Icant stand it when someone does not know the full story and just assumes i have done something wrong with out taking the trouble to find out the facts.

Guilt, fear, anger at self, failure, they have it all, they were supposed to be keeping watch,

now they run around locking barn doors, which is blocking grieving for normal reactions, Ana54 was just normal, her friend, and all of them lacked feeling, and did not even know his name.

when It gets really bad the floor above the fourth becomes the sixth, no understanding, no learning and contact, but great at coverup.

You have real thoughts about a real person, thinking of the world is not good,

Terrance will be held in memory by someone who knew and liked him.

Just try telling me off and see what happens.

Good fortune,

- Icarus taunts the dynamite monkey...

it crushes me. It's almost overwhelming. To the point where I surround myself with people that I always either agree with, or am vastly more intellegent than so that I will never be wrong.

I think that being ultra sensitive to criticism is my biggest weakness.