Asperger's Cure

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I know there's like... a huge backlash from members of the Asperger's community every time someone mentions a possible cure, but like... why is that? Is it because they think that a cure is not possible and think it's not worth wasting time on, or is it because they don't want to be cured?

I realize that a "cure" is quite farfetched, but still, hypothetically, I would LOVE to have my Asperger's cured. I wouldn't buy in to gimmicks to do it, which I think is one of the reasons for the disgust towards the thought of a cure, but still... I mean, everything in my life revolves around the fact that I can't relate to people. I have no friends, I do poorly in classes, I constantly think about how I'd love to interact with people but can't...

It's really hell. I don't see how anyone can enjoy being like this. I mean, for most people their life's dream is to become rich and famous, have a family, go travelling, make a difference, etc. However, I know that I will probably spend my entire life struggling with Asperger's. If I could simply become a normal person, I think that I could look back at the end of my life and be satisfied with what I've done.

It's just that as I get older, I look back at the lives of all my peers and see what they've done and I realize what I've missed out on. It's like I've already lost twenty years of my life. I can't ever get those back. I'm far behind everyone else and it feels as though it's impossible to catch up.

"They wish to cure us... and I say we are the cure." - Magneto

Now that I've reached a point in my life where I am comfortable with who I am, I don't want a "cure" per se. I don't think you should look at it as losing 20 years of your life. I know it's depressing to look at people you went to school with and hear about all the things that they've accomplished and feel like you've done nothing.

I look at my life like this. I could never settle down and I always felt like an alien. I travelled the world. Before I was 25, I'd lived in 5 countries and on 3 continents. I'd visited 20 other countries. On three continents. I have had jobs that sane people wouldn't hold. Race car driver, english as a second language teacher, bakery supervisor, window designer...

Then I had a kid. I look at him and realise that all the horribleness that I grew up with was worth it. He's made it his mission to educate people about Asperger's. He laughs at people who call him weird. He says, "yeah, so what, I'm weird, get over it." I think, wow, I raised this very confident, self assured AS kid who doesn't care. He thrives in the AS most of the time. I've always taught him that it's just a personality hiccup.

It gives me hope that he can help to change the way others look at us. It gives me hope that it won't matter.

I think it depends on how we look at it ourselves. If we look at it as some awful thing that needs to be cured, then others will see it that way as well. If we look at it as positive personality traits that are useful, then I think others will start to understand it and see how we can be functional society members. It starts with us. If we're going to piss and moan about how our AS holds us back, no one will ever take us seriously. If we push forward and gain success in spite of the difficulties of the AS, then we are survivors and we can cease to be seen as victims.

Sorry....got on a soapbox, there. I'll step down now.

(Ha! Nice Magneto reference, Aridarr.)

I can't speak for the other members, but here is my assessment. I think the main reason we resent the idea of a "cure", is in the language more than the medical idea. To call it a cure suggests that AS is a disability, handicap, impediment, affliction, call it what you will. I don't deny that it can be a hindrance, as you say it is in your case (my case is similar). The main issue is the idea of how it sounds to others who don't have it.

If others think you have a handicap, they treat you differently. Sometimes this means going out of their way to help you, sometimes it means showing you pity (which is belittling enough), and sometimes it means excluding you from things they think you can't handle.
I'm particularly short, so I got a lot of discrimination throughout my childhood. People treated me as if I was much younger than I was. They had lower expectations of me physically AND mentally. They acted as if everything had to be dubbed-down and explained to me in simpler terms, and that gets degrading pretty fast. People see you as vulnerable and weak, and it's harder to maintain your dignity.

So anything which suggests inferiority is shunned, to keep others from treating us differently. (Of course, there are some who think AS makes them superior, and want to be treated as such, which I don't agree with.)

Personally, I wouldn't give up my AS even if I could, partially because I've learned to have friends in spite of my difficulties. Also, my AS is a character trait that makes me more unique, and a little less ordinary, but I can sympathize with people who would rather not have AS.

I see no sense in "curing" people who simply operate on a different wavelength. Especially when that "cure" is coming from people who THINK they know what's best for me, but don't understand me at all. That's the same as asking a plumber to fix your computer.

What's more, everybody must learn on their own what makes them special. Life is about discovering your strengths, talents, and niche in the world. Nobody can do that for you, and if you live your life trying to fit in and please others, you may as well have no identity or purpose. You are NOT your friends, your associates, or your peers. They don't make you who you are. Your experiences, triumphs, failures, quirks, virtues, and vices make you who you are.

I've done my share of trying to fit in, and I would be a liar if I said that I never suffered moments of doubt or despair. I won't be the last person to admit that there were times I felt isolated, and that feeling different got under my skin. But eventually I realized that there are more important things in life. I don't want to be "normal". I don't want to wake up one day, and realize that I spent so much time "fitting in" that I don't know who I am or why I was put on this Earth. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing preventing me from success is technique. As in- what are my strengths? How can I use these to my advantage? Where do I apply these advantages? I'm now putting more focus into finding the answers to these questions, and discovering where I stand and where I am headed based on those answers, and you know what? I'm happy.

Why do you care about other people's ambitions? What about YOUR ambitions? What do YOU want to do? Other people's lives having nothing to do with your own happiness and well-being- you need to really look within YOURSELF and decide for yourself what you want out of life. You might even find that you don't want what everyone else wants. That's okay. Or, if you feel otherwise- that's okay too. Whatever YOU want is okay.

Furthermore- don't fixate on how other people's lives have turned out. It's self-destructive thinking, and it will only distract you from realizing your own dreams. You still have plenty of time to catch up, but if you constantly obsess over your imagined weaknesses and getting kudos from other people- you'll always be left behind. That's not living, It's hiding.

People tick me off too. So when they do, I indulge myself in things I enjoy- watching a movie, reading a book, researching subjects that interest me, drawing... whatever. Honestly, hardships and adversities in life build character, self-understanding, enlightenment, and make a person truly appreciate the things in life that REALLY matter. Social hour with vapid dimwits does not.

And who says you can't have friends? Go to places where there are people who share your interests. Look online. Or, just simply learn to love yourself.

Lastly, about doing poorly in classes... This is something you need to bring up with your instructors, guidance counselors, or whatever. Or find study guides/tutors. Again, go online. I did pretty lousy academically too (with exception to science, I failed every class), and wasted a couple years in college pursuing a future I THOUGHT I should be pursuing- and then I realized, when I'm actually interested in something, I am totally dedicated to it. Maybe you're just on the wrong path, and that's why you're struggling. Maybe you should make your own path.

Everybody has something that they're exceptionally good at. For most people, It's socializing. I don't know about other people, but I'd rather be the loner science geek than waste my time climbing the social hierarchy. The latter of the two doesn't pay off in the end.

Aspergers: A minor obstacle that eventually pays off.

"I'm not broken; don't try to fix me" - Unknown

Being serious for a minute...

I do wish I could be more socially active and less quiet. However, being cured of that would result in me becoming normal. My intelligence level would also more than likely go WAY down.

So, no.

I do not wish to be cured, plain and simple. Why do you ask?

Ditto.

Sure, I would like to be able to interact socially better. If I were "cured" I would not be the same person anymore. My personality would most likely completely change and intellegence would be decreased. Also I may lose some of my abilities. My family would see me as a completely different person and I would be like a newly adopted child for my mother.

All that for the price of social interaction is NOT worth it.

Cure implies that there's an "error", I've found that many people don't like admitting/seeing the faults they have. Some people like the pain. Some people don't feel the pain others do. Some people don't see autism as a fault. Some people aren't as "bad" as the rest of us.

Just FYI and all, autism doesn't make someone "intelligent"; normal or above, they just say that frequently as it's true that those with AS have a normal or above IQ, but then, so do normal people. A good portion of those with AD have a below average IQ. In addition, autism isn't connected to personality at all, being cured of your social impairment isn't going to make you suddenly extroverted if you are an introverted individual.

To each their own.

I do not want to be cured.
Yes there are alot of struggles with being on the spectrum but everyone has some problems and there are some benefits to. I have a great memory and an insatable thirst for knowledge which I can manipulate to help me with my education. I have incredible drive. I never had to worry about peer pressure forceing me to be someone I'm not. No, getting bullied and tormented wasn't cool, it stunk quite frankly, but at least I knew that I had my integrety and would never lose it just to fit in like those people had. I found support in my faith, my family, and my pets. Sometimes I think that I am a better, stronger, person because of all the crap I went through and was forced to overcome.
With a lot of work and good treatment living life how we want to is possible, even in this strange normal world. It is very difficult, takes alot of time, and much trial and error but its worth it in the end. Life was never meant to be easy.
The desire for a cure does lead to a lot of thos gimmicks as you've mentioned and it takes the focus away from the effective treatments and overrides the research into making those treatments even better.
The concept of cureing autism isn't just unrealistic. Which it is, how do you eliminate a disorder based on genetics, brain abnormalities and brain functioning? But it breeds that old denial. With Beddlehiems "Empty Fortress" and crap like that parents used to think that trapped inside thier autistic child was a normal child who they could somehow break the autistic trap to get to, and this wasn't so. Now they think, well my autistic child can be cured and then be a normal child. They in effect want to change there child into someone else.
Also I ask myself, why should I be cured? I'm not sick I don't need to completly change into someone else. Am I not good enough as I am? Why must I be normal just to have worth?
For all these reasons I'm against a cure. I understand how the parents may want one; they are scared and want what they think is the best for their kid to lead a better life. I even understand where you are comming from. It is so hard to want to associate but not know how and not want to at the same time for fear. Hard to always struggle, to be the "weirod" one. I've felt so worthless, hated, wronged even. I used to cry and wonder why me. It took a while before I was ready to accept and deal with my disorders, I still have mishaps and sometimes feel like I'm not good enough. However, I've learned that I am ok, I can deal, I can live my life, make my dreams come true and be happy even with Asperger's Syndrome. I am proud that I do not need a cure.

Most of us do not want to be "cured", and do not feel there is anything to be cured. It isn't a disease. If a cure ever came out I would burn the lab down myself. and I mean that.

I think real intelligence has nothing to do with IQ, I've met plenty of intellectuals with a high IQ that I considered stupid. But that's a separate (and convoluted) topic altogether.
People outside the social "norm" though, tend to put their energy in intellect. Both AS and NTs. Trying to fit in distracts people from those endeavors. Even average and below average people (IQ wise) can be exceptional in a specific area, It's all about diverting your resources into one goal. Having tunnel vision (AS) is beneficial to focusing on a goal- that is, if one has a goal in mind.

I think autism is connected to personality, but more indirectly- cause and effect. Being perceived as different and being shunned does tend to have a lasting effect on how individuals view and conduct themselves with/in the world- which I see as more of a societal shortcoming than a personal reflection. Which is not to say that things may be (on a grander scale) different under different circumstances- simply that many things (AS included) contribute greatly to who we are as people, but I can say from a personal perspective that if I was "normal", I would still be the quiet bookish type, but I would certainly have different personal standards and different ways of looking at things.

Any trait that deviates from traditional (social) criteria, in my opinion, enriches a person by allowing them the opportunity to view life from an outside point of view- which I consider more honest and accurate, as that view is not hindered by personal bias.

It's not a question of whether it's better or worse to have Aspergers. It's a question of which parts.

Yes, Aspergers is a disability in many ways. It can also be a gift. If you can maximize it's advantages and minimize the disadvantages, it is a blessing. Unfortunatley, many people such as myself, have to spend years or decades disabled by it before it is possible to get the advantages. And by the time you figure it all out, damage has already been done. But at least you figure it out at a certain point and can function. Not everyone, but at least some.

When you compare the aspects which we may be gifted in to NT's, it is indeed the NT's who are disabled.

In my personal life, I distinguish between having Aspergers, which is simply the way I process info and view the world, and acting autistic. I will always and always have had aspergers. But only at times do I act autistic, and at this point I really almost never do. I know that is not the most scientific or accurate way to describe it, but it helps me make a distinction for myself. For one, there is no adjective form for the word aspergers, and secondly, I view aspergers as things like high intelligence or linguistic ability, things that fall under aspergers and not necessarily autism in general. But when it comes to the negatives, those are more general, such as isolation, inability to communicate, stimming, poor social skills---these things I prefer to call autistic. And I really am not "autistic" in that sense anymore.

I now view AS as a gift--though it does not make up for the years I lost to it when it was a curse. But look at it like that. It may be a disability at the moment, but it is possible to grow out of it--not having aspergers, but the negative traits.

Overall I would say yes, on average, Aspergers is a disability; not a disorder, but if it disables more people than it helps, one can call it in general a disablity. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. I have been disabled by it, but now I am far from being disabled by it. The problem is that there are just too many extremes, and the world was designed for "average" people.

Last edited by Juggernaut on 16 Nov 2007, 3:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

Apollyon,

Yes, "intelligence" itself is an oft-ambiguous trait; I admit that autism allows one the ability to divert energy away from social interaction and dwell inwards in deep thought, which could allow for "fresh" perspectives and ideas. Autism itself, more specifically Asperger's allows one to divert all their energy to a set topic at the exclusion of others; this allows one to specialize to an immense degree. The later facet of Asperger's is the gift [as well as a curse if you cannot focus on anything else].

Whilst I've done no research into it, Attwood, my psychiatrist and other [basic] articles I've read state that autism doesn't affect your personality (other than the nurture thingy which you pointed out), your personality is how you handle having the disorder.

There's a fine line between a gift and a curse; some of us have more curses than gifts.

"your personality is how you handle having the disorder. "

Actually, I will definitely agree with this.

If I do have aspergers I would love to never be cured, I love being obsessed and I dont want a family.