faking nt takes away from the soul

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we were made a certain way for a reason....
in response to the faking nt article i must say that i have been living that lie for my entire life and it only takes away from the pride one gets from actually being yourself no matter what...no i am not saying ignore people
or even be overly aspie, but when the time comes dont deny what you are because someone else may not understand...easier said then done i know..i can remember starting off with a white lie just to keep people at a reasonable distance thinking that i am normal...in my mind i felt guilt and the longer i lived the lie then the more i had to nurture it in order to keep it under wraps and the truth from coming out...

next thing i know i feel like crap and have relived the situation a thosand times thinking about the truth that i could have said and how crappy i feel now...i am a genuine and honest person and i still dont understand why i do i lie now...i have lost friends, lovers, and self respect from being truthful and in the end not letting anyone tell me that my differance is something negative gives me more clarity and perspective than most....

i am desparate to get this back because i have become accostumed to the fitting in and i forget myself sometimes...that is the result on the more extreme scale of things...i ask all who read this to remember that being like us is only as much of a burden as you let it be...Our obsessive attention focused interests or broad array of intellict and creativity can be used to shape this world, the moment you realize the kind of gift you are the sooner you can get over being the "weird" one....

Know how you feel. I'm still trying to regain a sense of self from those years I lost in middle and high school. The bullies lied to me, and I had to learn first that they did, and second, I had to figure out when and where they did. But in order to survive, I had to lie as well.

Ironic; the thing I hated the most was the thing they forced me to do.

yeah I am happier and more natural in my long denied don't care mode but I get a sense of accomplishment being able to pass as NT and express NT personas on message boards.

I strongly agree that faking NT takes away from the soul. My parents NEVER let me be myself when I was growing up. When their demands for me to fake NT got to be too much I ended up in the psychiatric hospital. But once I was 18 they threw me out. So now I'm kind of "being overly Aspie" just trying to regain my sense of self. Plus I was emotionally abused constantly in 6 group homes over 2 1/2 years, which also took away from my sense of self.

I constantly get labeled lazy, "just not trying", "using my AS as a crutch", etc. Used to be it was exclusively Baby Boomers who made these claims to my face. But now it's literally every non-Deaf-Blind NT I meet who makes these bulls*** a** claims. I sure don't see how "faking NT" as we've discussed here on WP would stop or reduce the incidences of these claims. I REFUSE to fake NT in an attempt to deter these claims. People need to accept me for who I am!! !

Having to feign in order to survive has destroyed my self-esteem and confidence completely.

But some of us live in countries that never heard of AS and would never find a job if suspected of having some sort of disorder, and there's no government help for AS. So even if my soul is destroyed, I have to survive and I'll keep faking till I die - though I know faking doesn't help long-term. At some point they kick me away.

I NEVER fake NT. I will NOT kill my dignity or self-respect by taking away from my soul. Never again. If I act NT, it's because I mean it.

This thread title stayed in my mind going to bed last night.
I think i am only just beginning to realise how much i've been buying the NT standardised behaviour rules, probably since school at age 5, but getting much worse from age 10 when understood was a girl, which was another complex NT thing i didn't get and cost me way too much ( energy , intelligence, resources, health ) over the next 16 years!.
It made me always want to have another life, yearn for others parents, others houses, that "something or other" which NTs had. Friends. Certain activities.
Was getting close to this AS revolt of feeling a couple ofyears ago when thought to myself "doing things/anything because of a person/people is a recipe for disaster for me". I am so "bad" at people that including people in my calculations always makes me make the worst mistakes of my life.
MUST STOP trying to take other people into account, except as objects that require maintenance and care in case of my son, and attention as if driving a car when in amongst, but NOT as having any other greater value of any kind.
Trying to do the NT way, in which people for some reason are top priority, is self-destructive for me.
And then i feel so inadequate cos don't get it , cos keep failing at it.

Fortunately, in many ways, I have become more functional. Now that the years of being bullied are long behind me, I am relaxed.

I finally brought up the fact that I thought I had AS to my mom - she agreed. It's very mild, so I can rather easily pass for NT. However, she told me I just need to try harder - to be less twitchy (when I'm bored, I stim, although I keep it pretty hidden), to be more focused in conversations, to try and interact with people more, to be more enthusiastic, to stop talking about my interest areas, etc. Again, none of these things are completely impossible for me - no one knows I have a problem - I think they just think I'm a bit introverted and TV-obsessed, because I often function fine. But it's annoying me - I've worked really hard to get to this point - yes, I could try harder, and be very normal. I could hang out with people all the time, make sure I don't stim, feign enthusiasm in hangovers and relationship issues, and never bring up tv again - it's all possible. But suppressing myself like that just makes me more miserable and negates the happiness brought on by making more friends and seeming more normal. She just doesn't get it. She knows a lot about different medical/physical issues, including AS, so it's not like she's just confused. We watch a lot of documentaries on transgendered people. I feel like saying to her, "If I said I was transgendered, would you tell me to just try really hard to act like a girl?" I mean, it solves the problem of what others think of you, but doesn't solve your own problem about how you feel. I wish I could explain it better.

I know what you mean, I'm just back from Mexico City and I know how hard it is to find a job there.