Negotiations, Closing Deals, Waiting for Others to Act, etc.

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I'm wondering about the general Aspie handling of things mentioned in the title. I know they are stressful for people in general, but I am going through some of them now and would be curious to get your reaction to note if AS could be involved in how I approach them. For example:

1) I am involved in negotiating a new buy/lease agreement for some rental property I own. This involves coordinating two other parties and coming to agreement over certain issues, plus making sure I don't get screwed or hold the bag for something unforeseen. The other parties are being very nice overall, and I am assured verbally that everything will be OK, but still I obsess over the details and worry that something will throw a wrench in the works. My worry becomes ALL-CONSUMING to the point that I cannot enjoy anything else, or be productive at anything. When I request that one party look into some detail and report back, I get impatient waiting for them, even if they are very nice and seem reasonable.

2) I am presently unemployed but doing OK financially (for awhile). I had a job interview yesterday that went really well, the potential employer being very enthusiastic and trying to please me. They even went so far as to say that the lastest I would hear back is early next week. All signs look good, I was thrilled when I left the place, but as with the other stuff above, I obsess and get this feeling of dread that something - some little detail - will wreck it all. And yes, it is a true feeling of DREAD.

Does this match your experience? Is there any existing research that indicates that AS'ers have particularly difficulty with these issues as opposed to NT's? I did have another AS friend who fretted in the same manner, and was always pessimistic.

There are people who do this type of thing every day (negotiations, open-ended stuff) for a living and quite frankly I don't know how they stand it.

Hi! I'm sorry I don't have any advice... but I can tell you that I can totally relate! Ok, maybe I do have some advice. I am SO bad at waiting, and bad at not being in control of things.... the only way for me to stop obsessing about something like this is to distract myself with other things... like work or exercise, for a while. Or sleep!

Also, remember that, even though maybe you are not "good" at this kind of stuff, you are probably good at other things!

I hate to say it, but I am a HORRIBLE negotiator, and I can see my reasons why in many here! The reasons?

1. Desire to act fast due to hyperfocusing, and a desire to limit appearing slow.
2. Being slow due to weighing various criteria.
3. Meltdowns from the above.
4. The whole social thing.

SO, and I don't generally get to do this, BUT...

1. SET LIMITS! DON'T let them keep you!
2. RESPECT YOUR RIGHTS! If they tread on them, LEAVE!
3. Record questions and concerns, and DON'T LEAVE without them being answered, or passing it up. If you lose the list, TOUGH, THEY LOSE THE SALE!
4. TREAT A LIAR AS A CONMAN! If they are clearly lying, ********LEAVE********!
5. DON'T TRUST ANYTHING/ANYONE!
6. SET YOUR PRICE W/O CONSIDERATION! Who cares what others do, etc?????
7. DON'T SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE!
8. GET DETAILS!
9. try to SLEEP ON IT!
10. realize that if you don't need it, YOU DON'T NEED IT!

If I followed that, my life would be FAR better!

Thanks for your feedback.

The odd thing is that I am a consensus builder, and try to understand everyone's position on these things. The negotiations themselves go OK, and everyone is nice. On the one hand, I don't want to be railroaded, on the other, I want everything to come to an end so I can move on and put the issue behind me. VERY similar to points 1) 2) 3) above.

Shortly I am going to the local brewpub to see some friends, the weekend is coming and that will help.... but meanwhile this feeling of DREAD ..... argh

What you say certainly describes me. When I had to negotiate with a private landlord for a subsidized housing situation, I was generally going nuts with worry. I am excellent with written communication, and had written him a letter telling a little about myself, because of the stigma associated with "low-renters." I can clearly remember how stressful it was to wait for a reply, and how I also had the subsidy office pressuring me to find a place by a certain deadline, because there were so many others waiting for funding. I could clearly envision how many things could go wrong, but spent next to no energy envisioning a positive outcome. It all turned out well, in spite of my worries. I keep promising myself that I won't take things so seriously the next time, but - we'll see!

Wow ..... in one or two sentences that really sums it up. Those 'things that can go wrong' tend to take on a life of their own, and at a given time I can obsess on one of them to the exclusion of the others, but each little thing has its own turn in my mind. To my therapist I once described my brain as being like a distributor in an old engine: the rotor spun round and round, sparking each plug ('thing') at regular intervals, until I felt overwhelmed.

Wow! Sounds like my brain.