Society rules..apply/not apply to you?

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Dej
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19 Aug 2005, 6:07 pm

Do you guys ever feel that even though society has rules for things somehow you don' t feel that for whatever the reason they just don't apply to you? I have this issue sometimes, were i know it is the rule and its how something is done just becasue its procedure, but somehow I i don't feel that procedures for things or certian rules apply to me.

Do any of you feel the same? How is it that we can seperate our selves from the procedures or rules of society to feel that we can approach something differently than others?



Serissa
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19 Aug 2005, 6:37 pm

Yes, I usually find that I don't need to make small talk when people try, usually at cash registers. I know it's not "nice" but I just want to get in and out and if someone wants to talk my ear off (or if I'm having a bad day, talk me into being happy- which pissed me off even more, of course), I will sometimes just not respond, and if they stop what they're doing, I'll point it out to them or say "Can I just go?" depending on my mood. I know I'm being a jerk doing that but I don't feel like I should be obligated to talk to someone just because they feel chatty if I don't know them and don't want to know them.



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19 Aug 2005, 7:11 pm

Quite often. I despise conformity in most cases. And I often feel as though average rules don't apply to me. And I get upset if they are even enforced. I feel it is unfair. Strange.


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Sarcastic_Name
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19 Aug 2005, 7:19 pm

Above them, you mean their's people stupid enough to be below or on the same level as some rediculous social rules? Appropiate conversation? You mean fetishes and sexuality/religion aren't appropriate? Why not? Just because we're highschoolers doesn't mena we have to have high school conversations. Real conversations are so boring, "So, how was Science?", blah!


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Mockingbird
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19 Aug 2005, 7:29 pm

I don't feel I am above social rules. The way I see it, if I want to have positive interaction with people, I need to follow certain rules, no matter how crazy they seem. That's just superficially, though, I think and feel like who I am all the time.



Bec
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19 Aug 2005, 7:32 pm

I don't feel above the rules. I don't think anybody should. In my opinion, it seems arrogant.



Dej
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19 Aug 2005, 7:44 pm

Its not feeling like your above rules or anything, its different like somehow they just don't apply to you, or ou view yourself outside the box, while everyone else is in the box.

I just wonder what allows us to do this, where as NT people don't do that.



Serissa
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19 Aug 2005, 8:58 pm

*to clarify, I don't think I'm "above" small talk rules; I think small talk rules are idiotic and anybody should be allowed to violate them if they have the guts to say to the random stranger who decides that they have found a new conversational partner, "I really don't feel like talking."



Mockingbird
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19 Aug 2005, 8:59 pm

Dej wrote:
Its not feeling like your above rules or anything, its different like somehow they just don't apply to you, or ou view yourself outside the box, while everyone else is in the box.


Umm...I'm pretty sure that is feeling above the rules



spacemonkey
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19 Aug 2005, 9:41 pm

I have always felt like I was outside of certain conventions. What I discovered was, although I had a profound sense of freedom, and I could view things more objectively than most people I knew, this ultimately led to me having little in common with them. Without all of the conventions and phony back patting conversations I seemed to have no way to relate to people. I now attribute this to AS.
It seems to me that there is some sort of social code, like Java or something. I don't have the requisite firmware or whatever to use the applets of society, so they seem totally arbitrary to me.
I think in reality a lot of the stuff is arbitrary, but just by running the program people recognize that you are "one of them" So to society it is anything but arbitrary. It is their true currency.



renaeden
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19 Aug 2005, 9:54 pm

My only friend in rl seems to have this need to talk about all kinds of things to the salesperson when buying something (she's non-autistic). When I am with her, I don't say anything, but I will start rocking on my feet or making as if I will walk away. I will even look for the nearest chair and go to sit down in it.
I guess the point is, I don't see the point of talking to someone like this if you probably will never see them again. Sure, be nice, go through the script and say goodbye. For me, that's enough.



Namiko
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19 Aug 2005, 9:55 pm

Mockingbird wrote:
I don't feel I am above social rules. The way I see it, if I want to have positive interaction with people, I need to follow certain rules, no matter how crazy they seem. That's just superficially, though, I think and feel like who I am all the time.


Heh. I've gotten pretty good at acting through basic social situations. Only afterwards, especially if I'm around more than a few people at a time, I need a lot of time to myself to calm down inside. It's kind of wierd.


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Sarcastic_Name
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19 Aug 2005, 10:40 pm

If I'm going to have a good conversation, it's going to be with other people who discard many social "rules". So, yes. I don't care if it's considered arrogant or not, social rules (most) are below me. They're for people to afraid to be themselves, and so I would rather not have any real conversation unless they're going to be willing to talk about anything and open up. Many conversations are lost because of people trying to be "polite". Well, when possible, I prefer not to be "polite" in this sense. While their are some logical "rules", most are just a waste of time.


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19 Aug 2005, 10:41 pm

On some occasions, I do find some social conventions to be pointless if not outright wrong. One, for instance, is pledging allegiance; after Bush's invasion of Iraq and the appropriation of the word patriot, I became deeply suspicious of national allegiances altogether. I found reverence for the national flag and the other rites of patriotism to be hauntingly similar to the trappings of religion. I am not opposed to people who are religious or highly patriotic, but I am opposed to divisive beliefs. When are people going to learn that all people are just people; and differences like nationality, religion, race, age, gender, sexual orientation, and beliefs are wholly secondary?

I aam also attempting to overcome my social anxiety by acting on joy. Most people don't do a lot of things just because other people will find it odd. They prevent themselves from having fun because of this internalized need to conform. One instance of this was my hopping over the ropes that created a winding line to the ticket booth at a movie theater. Since the place was pretty much empty, I decided to have a little carefree fun and just hop over the ropes. I was with Sophist at the time, and her more introverted personality found this foolish; of course, I disagree with her judgment, but it's all a matter of opinion.



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19 Aug 2005, 11:53 pm

No, I think they do apply to me.

It's pretty stupid to act like they don't apply to you, and then expect people to like you.

Sometimes if I'm in a bad mood I just can't be bothered.

But most of the time I try my very best to make an effort to follow the rules of society.



Last edited by hale_bopp on 19 Aug 2005, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

animallover
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19 Aug 2005, 11:54 pm

I wouldn't say that I think I am above social rules at all - especially not the basic ones to be generally friendly to other people - but I manipulate my environment to avoid putting myself in situations where I would come into conflict with social rules . . .
Generally, for example, I don't talk any more than I have to when I am in public since people generally say that what I do say is 'offhanded and wierd' - then they get upset with me for not talking in public (one of the many catch 22s, I guess) . . .

I do expect that people will not get upset with me for stimming in public (mostly keeping a tangle toy or stuffed animal in my left hand) - so far I have gotten some stares (who cares) and one really negative reaction to that from a sales clerk at a gourmet food store (again, who cares) . . .
I'd love it if they would ask why I do that because I'd tell them . . .