Would you like a label?

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The problem with labels: a rant.

Many people think I'm mentally ret*d. Others think I'm 'very smart'. I'm neither. Given a choice now, I would readily and without second thought turn both labels down, because they only bring overwhelming frustration.

See, the problem with labels is that people automatically assume you'll live up to them. If you've been labeled the first, nobody really cares. You're a waste of space. If you've been given the second, you have to constantly prove yourself. You have to, right? Because if you don't, you're either 'stupid' or 'lazy'. People never remember there could be a whole world of factors which might influence an outcome, especially academic. Calling me 'lazy' is unfair, just as calling me 'stupid' or any other variation is. You can't fit people into an equation and expect accurate answers. People are different, and thinking that they all fit every diagnostic criteria or characteristic is a mistake. Paralysis by analysis? Definitely, but I don't really see how it could be any other way.

Expectations are a burden. Whether they be too low or too high, they both annoy and cripple me. And you know what the worst part of it is? My expectations. They're very high...for other people and especially for myself. Nothing I do is ever good enough, regardless of praise (even if sincere) or inflated grades. Perfectionism can be a debilitating disease, especially if you know beforehand there will be many people reading and judging everything you do.

My mother is convinced I'm extremely able. So convinced, in fact, that when I passed the admittance test to get into my University of choice, earlier this year, she packed everything up and not only dislocated herself but both my siblings 2000 km so that I could study and be extremely successful (since, according to her, I'm extremely able, that that necessarily means I have a very bright and wealthy future *reeking of sarcasm*). My sister has adapted herself well, on some levels. My brother is almost suicidally depressed and going to fail his school year (another "overly sensitive" person) and I feel responsible in some ways for that. I won't even begin to mention the huge debt I owe to my mother, who has been the only person to support and encourage me (a bit too much) regardless of how many times I snap at her.

Which brings me to my next point: ill coping strategies. I've lied (yes, even about my mother), cheated, manipulated situations (but never people) to make life a little easier for myself. I've taken well meaning intentions and twisted them to make them fit my purposes, and I genuinely feel like dirt for doing it. I was becoming that what I despise: arrogant/narcissistic (to cover up for low self esteem), manipulative and a liar.

I'm not trying to justify anything. I just think a bigger view of the picture is important for those who are making judgements (in real life). I accept all the consequences for previous actions.

I don't need people pointing out my faults, I already know them. I won't point out the faults in others, because I know nobody's perfect.
I only hope those I've wronged in real life (which would be practically everyone, I'm sure) believe in second chances, and would be willing to give me one. I'm sorry. I really am. I would just like a bit more room to breathe.

Has anyone else suffered from being labeled?

I dislike labels and the expectations they inspire as much as you do, but there really isnt any way to get away from them in the world as we know it.

Humans like things to fit in nice neat little packages, thinking that if they do then those differences will be easier to understand. Of course, it rarely works out that way, most people wind up on a sliding scale somewhere between the extremes, and in the long run this leads to less understanding about individual needs, personalities, and desires.

I've found that the more a person needs a label to understand me, the further away from actually understanding me they actually are.

that's a very interesting and thought-provoking essay. *mulls over what he's just read* Thanks for sharing it.

Well said, though you ARE preaching to the choir. It is nice to be thought of as smart, but some equate that to genius, and some think geniuses can do ANYTHING! The fact is that even some idiots can do some things geniuses have trouble with.

So receiving too much praise can lead to stress and high expectations from others. Being declared ret*d can limit things you can apply yourself to, and may cause the ret*d person to even stop trying. No test tests everything anyway.

It seems like almost everyone here has been on one of those sides, and some have been on BOTH!

I don't think the problem is the label as much as the problem is in the idiots who use the label to justify ill behaviour, discriminate against people with the label, use the label to hurt/harm others...etc.

My general defense is that labels are just words. So, the label will have the general connotations ascribed to the group of words within it. For instance, if we didn't all insist that the dirty four letter words were: sh*t, f**k, d*mn, h*ll, c**k, c**t, etc, would they still be dirty four letter words? No. They would just be words. I challenge myself to use f**k in as many types as possible: noun, verb, adjective, superlative, etc. Just to prove the point that it is just a word and it is only bad because others say it is.

Which brings me to the point of how most people feel about autism in general. That feeling and the false beliefs that accompany that make the label bad. At my house it's just another kind of moment, i.e. "well, that was an autistic moment!"

Only we can change the stigma behind the label.