Need help for my son!

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Hello, I'm new to the site and would really like to know if anyone out there can give me some hints on my 19 yr old son who has Aspergers and having a very hard time. Please help! How do I help him?

Not that I can help... but maybe if you explained what it is he needs help with? What is he doing?

Perhaps it would be easier for someone to answer your request if more information is given.

Yeah, Jett is RIGHT! HELP ranges from sit back, have fun, and watch to all sorts of things like IEPs and other allowances, etc....

All too many speak as if AS is a death sentence. It ISN'T!

You help him like anyone else...love him just exactly the way he is right now and give him plenty of encouragement with the things he loves to do. The worst thing you can do is act as if he has something wrong with himself that needs fixing!

I speak from experience. I too have a 19 year old aspie son. His father is neurotypical, but I'm not. My son is a well-adjusted and content young man. He doesn't have much of what most other people have (like friends, possessions, etc.), but he has what is the most important thing to have and that is he is completely happy with who he is. He will never have battles with typical problems like drinking, drugs, sexually irresponsible behavior outside of marriage, etc. He will never be brainwashed or manipulated by other people because he was taught well at home (kept out of public school). He will never need to take "medication."

Last edited by faithfilly on 03 Dec 2007, 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry.... He was just recently diagnosed last year at 18. He graduated from a special school and now is in a special vocational school that is going to teach him to be independant, such as drive (which he is scared to do), get a job and train him for such job... you get the picture. Anyway, he is 3 hours away and living on campass and he calls crying... wants to come home... misses me.... hates it there.... how do I make him understand that it will help him and that it's ok to be away from me?

Oh wow...that's going to be tough. My son struggled with overcoming his fear of driving, but with plenty of encouragement he did it. In your case, being that your son has been in a special school and is now in another special school, he has had plenty of experiences that compounded his sense of feeling like he is an odd-ball or weird.

I think one thing you might need to do is get a clear picture of exactly what it is he is hating there at that school. He is probably realizing now that no one is going to care about him more than you and that's probably where all his anxiety is coming from. I would bet his greatest struggle is with self-confidence.

What do you mean by "special school"? Aspies generally have high IQs, or at least normal.
Are you sure he has the correct diagnosis?

Rynessa is right. The NEW criteria, that is broader, actually says NO CLINICALLY SIGNIFICANT CONGITIVE IMPAIRMENT besides social.(Read appears to be of at least normal intelligence) It also says they have to have self help skills.

But special school can mean anything.

And he goes to a vocational school to learn to drive?

HERE, you give the impression that he is ret*d. If so, he isn't AS.

And WHY does he want to come back? Is the school REALLY that good?

People with Asperger's can benefit from special education; executive dysfunction and other problems--exclusion of everything at the expense of the narrow/focused interests can require specific schooling (mainstream schooling doesn't have the time to hold hands).

worrisome,

Does he need to go to [vocational] school, especially if it's so difficult for him? His comfort [now] is important too.

One of the best things he could probably do for himself is join this site and be a member of this community.

As I said, "special school can mean anything.". You're right, of course, but a school for stupid kids would KILL someone with AS. I know it would have killed me. I had enough trouble with a normal school.

2ukenkerl, normally I agree with your posts, but not on this one. You barely read a few sentences about a mother trying to help her son, and you've already come to the conclusion that he may not be AS, and that he's stuck at the wrong school for "stupid" kids? I may be taking this wrong, but to me, it sounds like you're condemning the mother's parenting skills, when you know very little about the situation.

I have a son that will most likely require some sort of special schooling for the his entire education. He learns differently, because he's autistic. He's not stupid. He may be "slow", we don't know yet, as he's too young for an IQ test.

OK, back on topic...
Worrisome, do you know exactly why your son doesn't like the new school? I think that if you provide us with a few more details we can see what's going on a little more clearly. This is such a hard situation to gage. There are things that I think my parents should have made me finish. They shouldn't have let me come running home, because I was scared. I needed the life experience that some of those situations would've taught me. On the other hand, there were experiences that they made me do over, and over even though it was obvious that I was failing miserably.

serenity,

Thanks for how you started your post. That's nice to hear! I said if he was ret*d he isn't AS. I didn't say anything about parenting skills. I understood he was 19Yo, and diagnosed at 18. Last I heard, that was old enough for an IQ test. I even already asked if she spoke to him about WHY he didn't like the school, etc...

HEY, I've been there! I EVEN went to a boarding school HUNDREDS of miles away, and called home very upset asking to come back. MY reason was because I was mistreated and I just didn't like how the school was run. OH WELL, I can say I got on the honor roll!(I ended up being forced to do so to leave.)

As for slow vs. stupid? A lot of people here, as I did, admitted we are a little slow in some areas. HECK, I may be the last to respond in a room, but the first to get the answer right. So you can be smart AND slow. Oh well, it is better than being dumb and fast.

BTW I wish you and your son all the best.

on the belief that aspies don't go to special school [there are various different types of special school including EBD,autism or asperger specific,learning disabilities,physical disabilities,sensory disabilities-a lot of people including aspies can have complex needs that require something a lot more specialised than mainstream,IQ doesn't have to come into it],an example of aspies in special school who both contradicts the 'high IQ' stereotype and having no need for a special school would be Barry George [Jill Dando killer supposedly]-he has a proffessionally tested IQ of 76,diagnosis of AS,and went to an EBD special school.
the high IQ thing is not fully realistic,it only has to be over 75 to qualify for AS diagnosis.