Accidentally Rude Conversational Agreeing

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I really need to be more alert when in conversations, but sometimes I just have a knee-jerk reaction of "yes" or "indeed" or some affirmation when someone pauses, and that can REALLY SUCK when the person wants you to disagree with them (usually when they're putting themselves down). I'm not even asking for help here (though it's happened to me twice in the past month and both times I felt horrible). (More parentheses: If you have a way to prevent oneself from doing this, DO TELL ME but I don't think it's easily fixed.) I mostly just wanted to ask if anyone else gets this happening to them. Share your embarrassing stories. Whine. Go eat a candy bar, then brush your teeth. You have total freedom in how you react and respond to this, even if it's just a playful response such as "Yes, you need to be more alert, you idiot. Oh, wait, I wasn't paying enough attention, uh, you're, uh... nice. Yeah."



By the way it's not that I think it's an Aspie thing necessarily; I understand that people want to be contradicted; I've just had these weird slips where I was paying attention, not spacing. Maybe it's because when I AM focusing there is usually a mental reverberation where I'm not just absorbing information but also processing and associating it, and this means that while I am paying attention, I am not necessarily in the same place mentally as the conversation is temporally. I'll get there, but not perfectly timed.

yeha, this happens to me now and then.

It happens to me if there is a second stimulating source in the room. Such as if the TV is on, my concentration in conversation drops very quickly. Only help that I can provide is to eliminate it (turn the TV off, or ask to move away) or - and this one is harder - try and concentrate solely on them. My most successful method is to imagine a cone where the tip is pointing at your face, spanning out to the peripherals of your vision. Imagine it's your concentration and gradually tighten the cone up until it's centered on the person's face. I find that as the cone closes in on their face, my mind can block out what's outside the cone.

It's not 100% successful but it has worked for me.... maybe give it a shot.

I do something similar. Usually I know where the conversation is going but I come up with too responses and I say the one that matters to me not them.

For example someone says I think this skirt makes me look fat. I think no you look fine then I think what fabric is that skirt made of. The thing that comes out of my mouth is the second one about the fabric. Not what they want to here but the one that I am actually interested in

Y

hmm...yes.. indeed..

What blows my mind is that that was not the first response I got. I really thought it would be.

sorry t'dissappoint you...

Indeed.

...

I mean, you didn't disappoint me. I was just expecting someone to be as much of a wise acre as me.

((This has got to stop at some point.))

I was surprised as well.

I do get this reverberation thing that you were talking about. And the ideas that spark in my head are likely to be the direction I move the conversation in.
I know this irritates people, but sometimes it just feels more honest to me. I can hardly even picture myself feining a canned response that someone wants to hear. I am more likely to point out that they already know the answer to their question.

(The answer is "yes you should invest in parentheses.")

I think it's a little bit their own fault if they are fishing for a compliment by putting themselves down and they don't get the response they want. It is what is called a "loaded question" when somebody asks something like "do I look fat in this skirt" and it isn't so honest if they say "this dress makes me look big" if they want to hear you say "no, it doesn't".

Sadly, it is usually due to low self-confidence and usually if I'm asked this type of question I say "no, you don't" but I consider it a bit silly.

If they asked and you gave your honest opinion, they should be grateful. Do they want you to lie? What kind of friend would do that?
If they don't like it, it's their problem and they shouldn't ask such questions of you if they know they will get an honest and straight answer. Sooner or later, you'll meet people that will really like that quality in you and appreciate it.

Nah, it's not even my honest opinion, I'm jsut not quick enough to properly addres the self-deprecation if it comes out of nowhere.

This reminds me of the Geico commercial (which just came on a minute ago) where a guy is reading a newspaper, and his wife comes and asks if her dress makes her look fat. In a daze, he responds, "You betcha".

In the time it takes you to set up the sleeper sofa, you could save hundreds on car insurance by switching to Geico.