The NT Perspective

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Hello, forum. I'm new here.

I'm an NT but I work for an Aspergers' Association so for both professional and personal reasons I'm curious about this topic: As an NT, how can I avoid inadvertantly offending or upsetting someone with Aspergers' when I talk to them?

Just as people with Aspergers' sometimes don't realize when they're not following a social convention and end up being seen as rude, sometimes an NT like me might end up accidentally saying or doing the wrong thing when talking to someone with Aspergers'.

I guess what I'm saying is: If you have Aspergers' what do you wish NT would realize about you that they don't?

I think sometimes Aspies think that NT's are all dumb, or obsessed with social climbing and nothing else -- but often it's just mutual misunderstanding. So don't think we're all callous and mean and only care about those who fit in.

It would be great to get some input. And if you have any questions you've ever wondered about NTs, I'd be happy to try and answer...

Last edited by ichbinilya on 03 Jan 2008, 11:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

One suggestion; don't use the terms Aspergers, or Aspie, unless you have established that someone welcomes and identifies with this team. (Even then the words can be more source of confusion and conflict than useful).
Most people might prefer you refer to them as people, with proprioceptive difficulties, for instance. ( or whatever it is that they have most difficulty with, or are most proud of, a high level of "fluid intelligence" for example)

Last edited by ouinon on 03 Jan 2008, 11:59 am, edited 5 times in total.

Well, I'm an NT and I talk to people with Asperger's like I talk to anyone else. I think such mutual misunderstandings are only made greater in this widespread belief that neurotypicals and those with Asperger's should be treated like two different species.

first off, welcome!
Most of the time if I find something offensive, I make sure the person who is telling it is joking.
but most people with AS probably don't do that.
so avoid jokes that would be a joke on any type of person, incasae we might have some connection if not that type of person, to avoid us Aspies not getting a joke

Talk to them like you would with anybody, engaging them in a normal conversation. However, you'll need to verbalize a lot of emotions, and explain a lot of jokes. Also, some aspies don't like it when people who don't have AS use the word "aspie" to refer to them (think of the N-word analogy). Medical-sounding terms such as "has Asperger's" (the word syndrome is dropped, due to its negative connotation), are generally acceptable. Don't worry about making the conversation too intelligent, since most aspies actually prefer it that way.

Please don't use sarcastic humour... ever. I find it really upsetting even if I'm told it's meant in a friendly way.
Don't give really longwinded complicated verbal instructions and expect them to remembered!! !

Why is sarcasm upsetting? Because you have a hard time detecting it?


Thanks for the replies, everyone. I hope I did not offend with my first post. Of course I don't view NT's and people with Asperger's as "different species." I just think that with the differences between our brains function, there must be things we don't realize about each other. And this is a good place to learn such things.

Yes, and because many of us have been bullied psychologically or physically, or both, and sarcasm makes us defensive or, even, afraid.

I would agree with those who say that you, for the most part, should speak like your speaking to anyone else, but try to be careful not to speak inadvertantly offensively.

In othre words, speak as you would to someone you respect and whose respect you hope for in return.

Yeah, partly because of that. I usually have to ask people directly if they are being sarcastic which isn't good in some circumstances. And if they are, I just don't understand why they would be, why wouldn't they just say what they meant?

I also agree with her, sarcasm, jokes unless u do a smile or some sort of laugh afterwards, i don't get it, i'll be left sitting there very confused. Also don't talk louder to us, even if we look like were clueless, we're not deaf! One thing i also hate is when people talk real slow to me, like I'm severely mentally ret*d or someting.

Anyways welcome to the wp, there are some other nts on here as well, I don't have aspergers, i have classic autism, but i feel the same way most aspies feel when it comes to sarcasm, jokes, and etc...

Sarcasm is often very funny. For example I think sarcastic humor is the wittiest and most intelligent type of humor. Maybe that's biased - I guess it just appeals to me the most.

Sometimes an effectively sarcastic phrase has a similar effect to poetry - making a very sharp and defined point with as few artfully placed words as possible.

...but I understand how people with Aspergers' would want to avoid all this confusion...

I agree with what age1600 said, I like people to speak to me on a level, at work it hardly ever happens. The worst thing of all is if someone speaks to me as though I'm a child, or not all there.

I appreciate some sarcasm, if its in the context of comedy thats on TV I can recognise it. But in real life it strikes me as just being exceptionally rude to the person you're talking to?

We should probably be viewed as a different culture. Treat us you would someone from another part of the world who is not familiar with the local customs.

ichbinilya wrote:

Ah but a lot of Aspie's DO think that... or close enough to it to not make much difference.... Maybe different "tribe" would be better... I don't know. I think the most important thing you can remember is, the spectrum covers a HUGE range, and we're each individuals. Each of us has their own trigger's, just like any NT. Each of us has their own sense of humor (such as I love sarcasm, am a master of it, in fact) and we each find different things funny, just like any NT. I'm not implying that you would, but don't talk "down" to someone with an obvious difference from the norm. They may have a difficulty with eye contact, light, etc. etc. etc. with a 160 IQ. I think too many American Aspie's are defensive about being treated differently, probably because of the way things happened as we grew up. I'm not sure how the European, etc. groups are faring, but I think Great Britain, for example, seems to have a much more "sane" approach to dealing with autistic's than the US.

Can't help reading your user name as scrambled-german for " I am ill, yes!"

Last edited by ouinon on 03 Jan 2008, 1:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I also find sarcasm to be the wittiest form of humour, and appreciate it, but, in my book, there are two kinds:

a) intended to offend and b) intended to be witty

Sometimes people don't really know which type you're intending, and are left a little paranoid as a result. I tend to get overly sarcastic and unwittingly and unwillingly offend people, sometimes. Othertimes it's intended to get people off my back. It's just something you have to be careful with, unless you know that person you're talking to get that you're not being offensive, if that's the case. Especially with people who might not be able to detect it that well. Just my two cents.

Sometimes I think ichbinil2.