How do you tell? (NTs, you might be able to help too)

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How can you tell the difference between friendly teasing and when someone is being malicious?

I can't, they look just the same to me, and because of it I'm always finding myself in situations where either people are getting upset because I "can't take a joke" (yes I can, actually, but first I have to realise that it is just a joke), or feeling like I've just been punched in the gut because a situation that I thought was just harmless joking around has suddenly turned nasty.

How do you tell?

I'm the completely wrong person to ask, sorry.

To be honest, as a neurotypical, sometimes you can't tell. The best you can do is to analyze the person's character from past interactions. Are they the type that would make of you, or do they respect you? If it's a person I don't know, I just give them the benefit of the doubt for the sake of not causing any trouble.

Best of luck with that one. I can't do it... and when I "friendly-tease" someone else, they take it seriously...

I give up.

I guess the smiles might be the closest you can get. When they vanish suddenly, it's time to start backpeddling...

you can tell an NT, but you can't tell them much..

This is very difficult to explain. I can almost invariably tell the difference; however, upon reflection, I have absolutely no idea how. These are the only things I can think of:

- Like Phagocyte said, take into account the personality of whomever you're dealing with. If it's a friendly person who likes to goof off, then the teasing is more likely benign, as opposed to if it's someone who maybe has a past history of...not liking you...or something.

- I think that it would be unlikely for someone to make fun of you in mean spirit if they were alone with you, so you probably do not have to worry in that situation. If someone were to be malicious, it would be for the purpose of humor, and that purpose is lost when there is no one else around to see it.

- That said, if you are in a group of people, look to see if the person in question frequently glances around to observe the reactions of others as he/she talks to you. That might be a good sign as to whether they are trying to be funny at your expense.

Of course, none of this is remotely definite, so take it with a grain of salt. Sorry I can't be of more help.

I think all humour is a winner/loser an us/them kind of statement, so in a way you have to suspect all humour.

An aspie is going to cop a lot of criticism and feedback from others, often in the form of humour. It can be stating that 'you're not one of us' or it might be highlighting some of your problem areas. Maybe they're indicating areas you need to work on? There's not much you can do about the 'you're not one of us' humour because it's true, just develop some retorts.

I often now days give the benifit of the doubt because I have miss interpreted before and insulted the other person who was in reality trying to bond with me. If I am constantly being made fun of by the same person or group I feel I have a right to get defencive and they are really making fun of me. But if however the person joking around has a good relationship with me, or is just that kinda guy and wont keep doing it then I dont have a problem and usually will laugh with him.

I think it has something to do with that person's tone of voice. When they tease you, they sound less serious.

Not sure.

My understanding of ribbing is it is often fishing for a reaction. That is how bulling starts. If it confuses you or it annoys you and you show it they will lay into that.

NT tell the difference using a complex combination of clues, including facial expression, body language, tone of voice, context, and the past behavior of the person doing the teasing.

One point is that -- most of the time -- someone that is usually nice to you is not going to just randomly start being mean. Conversely, if someone is usually mean to you, and they tease you, it is unlikely to be friendly teasing. Usually, if the person smiles and looks at your face for more than a second or two, they are being friendly and are hoping to see signs that you find their joke funny.

If someone acts as though you are terrible at something that everyone knows you are good at, this is almost always a friendly, indirect way of giving a compliment.

When you aren't sure, it is good to give the benefit of the doubt. The consequences of error are, in my experience, highly asymmetrical. I think it is better to treat a mean comment like a friendly joke than to treat a friendly joke as if it were a mean comment.

In fact, many socially skilled people deliberately treat mean comments as if they were jokes. When politicians get insulted, for example, they often smile, laugh, and try to say something funny in response even if they know the other person was trying to be mean. It kind of makes sense when you think about it -- if someone is trying to hurt you with a mean comment and you laugh it off as if it were a friendly joke, you've defeated their intent while looking self confident in the process. The only danger here is that some people can't handle getting socially defeated like that and will do something even meaner to try to upset you.