Are adult Aspies bad at playing with children?

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In an adult-to-adult interaction, language is the primary mode of communication. Language can be interpreted and processed, so even if you have AS, if your intelligence is high, you can mask your disability, and appear quite normal. I would imagine that the same technique could not be used for children with whom the primary mode of communication is not language. Even if they talk a lot, they have not mastered the language, so reading between the lines and seeing other emotional cues become more important to get the real message.

Am I right in speculating that adults with Asperger's Syndrome feel awkward in interacting and communicating with kids? And, even if your have built an impressive array of coping and adapting mechanisms, you can't effectively use them with kids?

If this is true, I would imagine that interacting with kids could be a better way to diagnose adult AS than observing the suspected person interact with other adults.

Any thoughts?

The opposite, I was told by a somewhat knowledgeable psychologist that it's common for those with Asperger's to interact with children/animals far better than adults/peers.

I'm fine with children; in fact, I'd say I'm perfectly normal in how I interact with them. Anyone over puberty or so and I can barely talk in a mechanical setting, let alone a social one.

yeah, i think you might be onto something there. I recently have been in the company of my older sisters step son and he is only 5, he is very intelligent. I know children have the upper hand in a home environment sometimes because of their energy and outwardness but this little guy has everyone on their toes intellectually, he's figured me out to a tee. He bombarbed me with requests to play with him, so we made a few silly noises and chucked a huge monkey teddy bear around together and I acted childishly (which is easy), however even though we connected in a playful manner - at the end of it all as you say due to the "reading between the lines and picking up on emotions", he picked up that I was 'empty', 'cold', 'distant' and took me the wrong way, as if I was not fulfilling his playtime somehow

maybe i think too much but before he left, the last thing he said before he left was turn around to me and say my name Kerry, he said 'Kerry chicken, kerry chicken', I know what he meant

Amazing how an aspie adult can be almost bullied by a 5 year old NT, because HE could see that I was different

No actually it is the opposite. If I'm in a room and a child comes in, whether or not they have met me, they will still often come straight up to me and start up a conversation. Or else they will grab my hand and drag me off to go play with them. I don't mind. I like children. They think I'm cool.

I would guess that the reason why people with Asperger's are good with animals is because they are very used to THINKING about emotional cues. Typical people do not logically process emotions, but their intuitive understanding of people does not extend to understanding of animals. The coping mechanisms that were developed by Aspies are transferable to other species (like scientific theories have many applications can be applied beyond what they were originally intended for.).

If my assumptions are correct, I do not think that children and animals can be grouped together.

Yeah, I voted the wrong option. For whatever reason I read it as: "Are you good at interacting with children?"

I clicked No when really it should have been Yes.
Although it is a different awkward from the awkward I experience when interacting with other adults.

I treat them as I would an adult. Some kids are in the mood to appreciate this, and we get along splendidly. Some aren't so I tell them to go away. Unless I am in a childish mood myself, kids are largely a waste of time interacting with anyhow.

I always hated it when adults treated me like a kid. I know I was no adult, but NT's can be pretty bloody condescending some times to children.

My nephew for example:

He doesn't care if I don't look at him
He doesn't care if I don't talk
He doesn't require social communication
His emotions are "basic"; fall over equates to hurt (where in adults saying the wrong thing can equate to hurt, no matter the intentions)

My dog:

He doesn't care if I don't look at him
He doesn't care if I don't talk
He doesn't require social communication
His emotions are "basic"; fall over equates to hurt (where in adults saying the wrong thing can equate to hurt, no matter the intentions)

Adult:

Gets upset and asks me if something is wrong if I don't look at them (then I have to explain what's "wrong" with me, this is something I loathe doing as basic greetings hurt me enough)
Gets upset and asks me if something is wrong if I don't talk to them
Since I lack social communication and I don't know what to say to them, I usually say the wrong thing and this equates to the usual lash out at Daniel
Complex emotions

You get the idea.

Yea im also fine with children, feel happier around them, i work in a childrens specialized hospital, so children are my life hehe. I never ever thought i would be good with children, i knew playing with them were a sitch, considering im a kid myself, but taking care of them i surprised myself how good i actually was.

I am really good with kids...even rigid shy kids will open up to me pretty fast.

Aspies tend to lack the social prejudice that makes most adults treat children as inferior. Since we tend to treat everyone as peers. The same reason why it is so hard for us to deal with adults when we are children, is the same reason why we are good at interacting with children even when we are adults.

Children are not used to people treating them like people, and in my experience when you do they react very positivly to it.

Thank you, Daniel.

That is interesting. I didn't think of it that way. It basically means that children are more forgiving of Aspies for their disabilities/mistakes. In other words, as an Aspie, you can feel safer with children.

I need to modify my theory:

This means that some Aspies can feel quite comfortable with children while others could feel quite awkward with them. There is no uniform response to children. But either way, they could, and probably are, misinterpreting the emotions of children. It is just that the miscommunication (or lack of communication) is not obvious with children. For instance, the difference between laughing AT and laughing WITH becomes virtually irrelevant and difficult to discern with children. (Because either way, you do not care as an adult.)

Another factor that is potentially confusing is when someone says "I'm good with animals", it could be interpreted in two different ways. Temple Grandin, for instance, is talented with observing and understanding animal behavior. This is one way of saying, "I'm good with animals." But on the other hand, Grandin has a capacity to see the animals get slaughtered without feeling much emotional pain. She can describe the whole process matter-of-factly. Many typical people could not do this, so they need to completely numb their emotions in order to deal with the cattle at all, which blinds them from seeing better and more humane ways to handle cattle.

So, when someone says, "I'm good with children", it could mean that he is good at understanding their behavior, which is different from truly connecting with children emotionally.

I've had the same experiences.

I think I get along well with kids because, as someone else mentioned, I treat them like people. I'm also real with them. I think there's something in my face or eyes or something that makes children--especially small children--just instinctively trust me. Plus they think I'm cool, like I already mentioned. And that's just too awesome.

Last edited by lastcrazyhorn on 11 Jan 2008, 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

robotto,

No worries. You said it, I feel safer/more comfortable with children; they're far more...forgiving and forgetful of my social mistakes (perhaps they're blind to them, just as I am). I'm not automatically judged negatively for the errors in social interaction I make, this negative judgment leads on to more misunderstandings as I try to "fix" the error (which takes more effort than I can usually muster).

I probably deviate some in my interactions compared to the stereotypical presentation of AS for I don't talk of my obsession to people (so I have nothing to talk about but awkwardness and social inappropriateness).

I can't stand most kids. My own son drives me nuts a lot. It's the noise, the high-pitched talk and the forever fantasy involvement. I can't stand that. My son just turned 8 and while he is very behind socially and is very girlish, we have a lot more in common now than when he was younger. We like video games, playing board games and some of the same shows.

Thank you KimJ,

Your observation makes sense. And, combining yours with shaggydaddy's, we could conclude the following:

Because "Aspies tend to lack the social prejudice that makes most adults treat children as inferior," if what you (adult Aspie) are interested in (e.g. video games) happen to coincide with the interests of the children, you would have an immediate connection. The children would find you refreshing that they are being perceived as equal.

However, if your interests do not coincide, then you have the opposite situation; you have no point of connection. You feel awkward around them, not knowing what to do with them. And you are unable to bring yourself down to their levels either.

Well, I wouldn't make any conclusions based on my input. But yeah, if there is a point of connection I might feel better around kids. But the sensory issues and personal prejudices are too strong for me to really connect. I don't intuit that a kid might want to talk with me or play games. So, I put out "leave me alone" vibes to kids. Babies no, friendly babies love to smile and wave and I can deal with that.