I need advice about my son

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My 8 year old son who has AS is wanting to play baseball on the little league that is now forming at his school. The last day for sign-ups is tomorrow. There are two choices we can take with him. 1. Regular little league. 2. Challenger League for children with special needs (everything from wheelchair bound to Asperger's). We (my wife and I) don't know what to do. We feel like if he goes in regualar little league he might end up like I was when I tried baseball in the 1970's---very frustrated and quit (We didn't know about AS back then---I have AS). But, if he goes on Challenger League, will he wonder why he is playing with some kids who can't even walk. He does have an AS friend who plays on the Challenger League, and another friend (NT) who plays on the regular league. We just don't know what to do. We are really struggling with this. Any advice?

Hqve you asked him what team he wants to be on? Try talking to him an see what he wants

I got into the same quandary with my autistic daughter and gymnastics classes. Ultimately we wound up in a special needs class but she did start out in a mainstream class. That went pretty horribly. This could really go either way and you won't know until you try. Either one could lead to failure or success.

However, since he has a friend in both leagues, that gives you something to base a decision on other than which league will most likely lead to his enjoyment and success (which is completely unknowable). My advice is to base the decsion on which friend he seems most strongly bonded to. It is a complete crapshoot which league is better suited to him. But you may be able to reasonably figure out which friend will make a better teamate to him.

My wife gets kind of frustrated about this because she sees him as perfect (as most parents perceive their children). I did arrange for her to talk with the mother of his AS friend (this mother is a guidance counselor at our school). My wife still leans toward regular little league. But, I have AS like our son. I know what is was like for me back then. I don't want him to get frustrated. He quit soccer a while back.

So yes, that does seem like the best thing to do---ask him---trusting he truly understands what the two leagues are like. Then comes the next problem. To give him the choice means I must tell him that the Challenger League is for challenged kids. He doesn't know he is challenged.

But to ask him seems like what I must do. Thank you for your advice ASdogGeek.

Hi Janissy---thank you for your input. I feel he is closer to his NT friend because they are in the same grade. The AS friend is three years ahead of him---but on the Challenger League, they would be playing together. I should ask him about the friends too. Thank you.

Must he sign exclusively with one or another league?

That is, if he signs for "regular" league, is he eligible to switch to "challenger" league if the other is too much?

If he wants to play (I never did), let him.

you should put him in the regular league exept if he specificly says what he wants to be in the challenger league. i think it would be more fair to him to give him a chance to play like the other kids.

The mother of the other AS boy said he would be able to change from regular league to Challenger League if it didn't work out. Thank you.

That does make sense. That is what my wife wants to do. Thank you.

I think putting him in the regular league would be a good idea because he would be able to have experience with engaging in somewhat social situations with NT children.
This is not my opinion, I am simply saying what I think other people might be thinking when they say you should have him play in the regular league.

Hey Glider,

This isn’t a direct reply to your question, but you may find it useful.

When I did sports as a child, I didn’t know what the rules were to the sport before joining a team (soccer and football). I didn’t know the rules, because I never really followed the sports on TV. Playing them was fun, but watching them on TV wasn’t interesting to me. As a result, I was trying to learn the rules, while practicing skills, and trying to fit in with the other kids all at the same time. It was just too much.

I suggest spending some one on one time with your son to explain the rules of the game before practices start. You can also let him know what kind of things to expect at practice. Knowing a bit about what’s coming helps me prepare myself and feel less anxious. “Knowing is half the battle.”

If he knows the rules a bit and some of the activities to expect, there may be fewer things for him to worry about before/during/after practices. I apologize if this information is obvious. It wasn’t obvious to me or my dad when I was younger… so I figured I may as well play it safe and share.

I hope little-Glider has a great time

Maybe you guys could go to sign ups, and ask the people for regular league about... if it doesn't work out, can he switch over?

I don't know what to say, as I am not in your situation. My son is 8, and I told him when he was diagnosed and all, and told him not to worry about it too much, it just means we need to work a little harder to make friends from time to time-it helps a lot that he knows I have it, too, so he doesn't feel alone and can vent if something happens that he doesn't understand.

None of my business if you don't want to answer, but is there a reason you guys haven't told him about it?

Thank you Ursaminor---I believe you are right.

Thank you JOsh---I may have to let my father (who played professional baseball in the 1950's) help him. As for fitting in with the other kids, he will want to. As for me when I was his age, I could have cared a less. I was in my own world. I had one close friend and that was it. To this day I don't understand the social aspect of people/children wanting all these friends. I can explain rules to him. There is a tryout on the 27th of this month. I surely hope they don't think they can cut kids of this age from playing ball---that would be terrible. I hope he has a good time too. I can remember the feel I had when I was his age trying to play ball. I hated every minute of it. But it was too awkward to tell my parents I didn't want to play anymore. So I suffered through two or three years of baseball hell. I will scan a picture later on this evening of me amongst my fellow baseball players. Thank you JOsh for your reply. I will take your advice.

Hi Anxiety25. I am led to believe he can switch to Challenger League if it doesn't work out---but I will verify that tomorrow. Your question is one I will answer---but it is tough. When we went for the diagnosis last year, the child psychiatrist who specializes in autism looked right at us (my wife, son, and I) and said he has Asperger's Disorder. My son never even questioned or acknowledged it. After the lengthy appointment, my son didn't even question why he was there being evaluated by a doctor. We then joined an autism support group for children. We have gone to several meetings, a Christmas party, and autism friendly movies, and he has never asked about why he is there. He can get upset about things easily, and my wife has led me to believe it is best to just let him figure it out later (at least that is my impression of her opinion on this---but I often misread her). So it's become a "I will tell him tomorrow" sort of thing---and tomorrow never comes. That may not be a good answer---but it is the truth. Thank you for your concern.

Oh no problem, and it makes sense-it's not easy for everyone to do, so it's perfectly understandable. I wonder if he doesn't seem to acknowledge it simply because he accepts it?

Might wanna talk to your wife about it, since she knows there is a concern on which one to put him on, and mention that he doesn't seem concerned about it. Maybe bring him into the ultimate decision, and just ask him if he remembers what the doctor told him, and if he thinks he could do just fine on normal league. He doesn't need the extent of the details of the diagnosis or anything, but just to make sure he realizes it might be a little harder for him-if just to prepare him even before he heads in there.

You don't necessarily need to call it a challenged group, though that is what it is, just let him know that a lot of kids have trouble dealing with keeping up in certain situations, and this might be one of them. Let him know that he doesn't have to be perfect at it and all, of course, because there is another group he could join if he finds he is getting too frustrated in the first group, that way he doesn't feel pressured to be as perfect as they are either, or work hard enough to exasperate himself, because regardless if he's great at it or not, the ultimate goal is just to get him involved in something that is going to be fun.

I'm sure it's not a great topic to talk about... I know a lot of moms unintentionally overlook differences and such, or try to not think about it too much. A lot of them, too, it isn't so much a let him figure it out on his own, but ONLY talk about it if he comes to me with it-then I will figure out how to explain. Which, isn't necessarily bad, but I know with my son, he won't tell me things half the time until a year has gone by, haha. Or he just won't talk about things unless I mention it first, so it's kind of the prompting thing going on with him.

I would give him a shot at the normal league though He may have troubles, but like I learned from my son... I let him try anything he wants to pretty much, because a lot of things he does, he has done really well in, and it doesn't bother him so much that he doesn't always keep up with the other kids. He has a lot of fun. But myself, I never was able to make it in half the situations he copes with just fine.

I wish you guys luck with it, and let us know what you decide ^^

Best wishes,
-Liz-

I think that you should let him play regular league.

I would sign him up for regular league in the mean time. If you need to switch him to the challenger league because he doesn't seem to be "getting it", then you could describe it as "competitive vs non-competitive" instead of "normal vs challenged".

That way, he'll see that there are some children there that can't walk, but he might think that they just want to have fun in a non-competitive setting. He won't necessarily think that it's something wrong with him, as he will see that there are some kids that seem just like him.

Wow, already eight and doesn't know he has AS? I know that isn't the main topic, but... man, I'd clue the kid in ASAP before he thinks he's some kind of an alien or something.

Oh, and I say go with whichever friend would be a better teammate. Unless he's like I was as a kid, which is clumsy enough to regularly trip over thin air, in which case put him in the challenger league 'cause he'll probably get eaten alive by the more graceful kids in the regular one.

Last edited by Callista on 12 Feb 2010, 7:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.