question, to think about

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There are 3 of us at work here. Me and 2 NTs, we are doing data entry work (yay) . there is no work to do. None of us are speaking to the other because it has transpired that none of us get along. Not only not only me but the NTs don’t like each other either. It is a weird but toxic situation.

Which begs the question. Do NTs actually like each other, or are they just pretending.

We spend a lot of time thinking that we are not accepted by N NTs but actually I see little evidence of them liking each other in office situations. They are nice to each others faces but then when someone leaves a room the rip into the preson who has left like a pack of jackals, . and the person they are attacking is NT.

The question im asking is,

Do NTs actually like each other?

Its the same with aspies too. Do aspies like each other? Well it depends on the person, same with NTs.

The reason why people are nice to people even though they dislike them is because that's the way society is. You're supposed to treat everyone with respect rather you like them or not. Disliking someone doesn't mean you can be mean to them. My mother taught me this while I was growing up. I used to get confused too when I see my mother being nice to someone and she didn't even like that person and she tell me just because she doesn't like him/her doesn't give her the right to be mean to them. But when they aren't around, then she will be saying negative stuff when we are talking about that person.

Plus at work, you're not allowed to be mean to anymore, you're to treat everyone with respect, work policy.

In adulthood its real hard to tell who likes you or not because everyone is nice to you rather they like you or not vs in childhood, kids are mean to you because they don't like you. But there are some adults who still do it and those ones aren't the nice ones.

Another thing that I find confusing is someone is mean to you and then they act nice to you. What the heck? I learned it's called passive aggressive behavior. It's very common in bullies. They do it to get something out of you, but I think another reason is to confuse you because they enjoy seeing you being baffled.

All generalizations are inaccurate, including, probably, this one.

Ok it is a generalisation. But my point is that a lot of aspies worry about NTs liking them and imagine that NTs are all getting along famously and we are the ones unable to get by,

but actually there is a lot of conflict going on between NTs that we can't see.

you may think "Well Duh" but it took me many years to figure this out.

I always thought that if people were being nice to each other, it meant that they liked each other.

Very good question.

Quantity is not quality. NTs relate a lot more than us, which doesn't mean they get more satisfaction than we do from all that relating. They feel safer in numbers than we do, which doesn't mean they like or enjoy each other that much.

In my workplace, there are a lot of women including myself. I don't know if gender has a lot to do with it, but some of the men I work with do things differently. I've had a similar situtuation to yours with some of these girls. We're all polite to eachother, we have to be espeacially when our residents are coming in. After the day has almost gone by, I hear nothing but griping. I sometimes find myself doing the same thing. So it's a habit I'm trying to get rid of. There's so much talking behind everyone's backs too. Funny thing is, I'm usually the one they vent their anger to about someone else. I literally get sick from what they say and try to be polite about their "dilema." I mean this is a work environment and one of us could get fired for something we said about the other. As for some of the men in our work, I usually see them confront eachother when they're POed about something or talk like a team. I don't think all of this relates to NTs since I myself am a little guilty. However, I consider myself very sensative when it comes to psychological warfare. I wonder if Asperger's has something to do with that part of me.

In school, I eat at lunch with a group of "friends" all of whom hate at least one other in the group behind their backs.

Thx for your thought-provoking replies, all. Yes it seems that NTs do have more of a safety in numbers thing, and yes its true that ASD people can backstab too.

I am just thinking of the NT model of social interaction in general. The more time I spend with them the more I realise that they are feeling a lot of social stress too, but in a completely different way to us...

C
...

ditto ^

White lies, saying only what the other will enjoy hearing, politeness empty of genuine intention, passive aggressivity, all these make NTs as isolated and lonely and frustrated socially as we Aspies are. The only difference is that they have people to hang with so that they won't be seen alone. I find the biggest pay-off NTs get from their kind of socializing is the being thought of by others as not alone.

In my class there is a boy who seemingly gets along fine with the other students... but the second he isn't present it seems all of his friends turn on him.
Talking behind anothers back is something I just do not get. If you dislike someone why pretend otherwise? But it seems that most others think it accepteble to pretend to like someone in the name of being "civil". I can overcome my dislikes if the situation requires it, but I will never play that kind of game.

(I might add that this boy is an arogant idiot, the very worst sort.)

when i worked, i hated when people flirted. its like hello what is this? love connection or your job? and no nobody flirted with me because i was the smelly bastard who was always grumpy all the time who tried to grow facial hair even though i couldnt.

Does every person with glasses like eachother?
Does every person without glasses like eachother?
What about those with braces? Those without?
and what about the animals that live in the wild?...do they all get along?

The answer to your question is...no.

mm..i do feel that all aspies keep together when in same room nobody talks..when in msn/online no one cant shut up

NT's love to appear as if they're freinds!! They chat about meaningless nonsense, and compliment each other, and 'share' their feelings, BUT they can't wait to stab each other in the BACK!! And then twist the knife.
Not that I have a lot of ASpie friends, but it's a scary thing to see, NT's tearing into someone who's not around to defend themselves.

Well anyway I think I have been thinking about all this because of my work situation.

Anyway the conclusion I come to is that I dont want to talk about NTs and backstabbing to imply that they are terrible people, especially because AS people can also backstab at times. But NTs do have more of a social mask and I think it is because they are stressed out by each other. I think that because they are not intimate enough with people they dont know incredibly well to confront them about stuff, they instead save it for later to vent to another person.

It is effective enough in resolving conflict in the short term and that is why it is done so much. But many AS people feel uncomfortable with this method and so do many NTs probably.

And I think they do genuinely enjoy each other's friendship, its just that they want to avoid conflict and also, bond with others over griping too.