Feeling Threatened around Attractive People

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(Sorry, long post. It that bothers you, just read the first paragraph; the rest are examples.)

For most of my post-puberty life, I found myself feeling uncomfortable, or even flat-out threatened, when I'm around good-looking people. It's not exactly a fight-or-flight response, but more like feeling out of place. I've had numerous situations where this took place. I don't know why I find good-looking people so threatening, but I can't help it. If it's one attractive person is a large crowd, I'm generally OK. But if the crowd is small and/or there are a lot of attractive people, I can't help but feel uncomfortable in that situation.

Situation 1
I went to a new club with my friends. When I walked in, almost everyone there looked good, both guys and girls. Right there and then, I knew that I didn't belong in that place, and that everyone was watching me and wondering what the hell I was doing there. It was the most uncomfortable night of my life; I felt like a rabbi who walked into a mosque by mistake. I spent most of the night sitting on a bench smoking, although one of the fellow smokers seemed to like a smart-ass comment I made. My friends had a nicer time than I did, although nothing major happened either.

Situation 2
I maintain computers at the company I work at. One time, I had to go to another satellite office for a day. The manager there gave me an empty cubicle to work in. Next to me, there was a really good-looking girl, sitting and talking on the office phone. I felt uncomfortable right away. At one point, she called my name, and said that her e-mail program was acting up. I expected her to have a "fix it and disappear, loser" attitude, but since I was there on the job, I went to help her. Acting business-like, I asked her questions about the issue. Much to my surprise, she was very nice, introduced herself, and even asked me questions like "which office do you normally work at; I haven't seen you here before?". Needless to say, I felt a little shell-shocked afterwards.

Situation 3
It happened at college. I walked into class on the first day. There were still plenty of empty desks, although some of the best seats were already taken. In the third row, there were five or six good-looking people. I felt like it would be a bad decision to sit anywhere near them. I ended up sitting on the other side of the room, where the view of the board wasn't as good. Throughout the class, they generally minded their own business, but their presence made the class uncomfortable for me.

do u think you feel this way because attractive people are viewed as better then the rest of society? (by some people)

????

I don't judge people on their looks. Do you?

I only judge woman on their looks relationship wise etc. Friends I couldn't care less.

I never understood why people judge other people by what they look like. Doesn't make sense!! ! That's the shallow world we live in I guess.

Sounds like you might have self esteem issues. Maybe you have been put down in the past, etc...

Unfortunately, people subconsciously view attractive people as being smarter and more successful, even if it is not necessarily true. Maybe you feel inferior to these people? I know that i'm always intimidated by people who are more attractive than I am. Just remember that they're people just like you, and should be judged as such - don't let it bother you. I know it's a tricky thing to do, but your self-confidence will really shine through if you try.

i don't use looks as a factor in my judgements either. i don't get why people do.

I'm attractive, but it makes it even harder for me because I'm rejected after people see that my looks don't reflect my awkward personality

I get really really nervous around attractive women, does that count?

Me too.

What you are describing sounds almost like a panic attack or paranoia, especially because, in your examples, some of the people reacted very well to you. Do you think that they are thinking badly of you? Do you feel jealous? It just doesn't sound like a rational fear and usually the best way to confront a rational fear is to try to take it apart piece by piece. You could start with the question, "What is the worst thing that could happen to me in a room full of attractive people?"

I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable around attractive people, but not to the same degree as you're talking about. I don't mind sitting next attractive people but when they start talking to me, I'm uncomfortable. I feel like they will judge me on my appearance. In reality, I know they could care less and its just my insecurities. (I hope that made sense.)

Reacted well to me? Probably so. But it's backed up by sociological evidence. Studies showed that in every career field, good-looking people make more money than plain-looking people. The only exception to this is the IT (computer) field, which would include technical support. So in the situation with the office girl, the importance of being able to receive e-mail outweighed my bad looks. So it was in her best interests to treat me with respect.

Thinking badly of me? Maybe. I've never been anything close to attractive, so good-looking people seem very foreign to me. It's almost like they have an exclusive tribe or culture, where bad-looking people are excluded and looked down upon. So when I'm around them, I can't help but worry about them thinking: "what's that loser doing here; is he deluding himself thinking he looks good?". This is especially true in places where sexual competition is strong.

Jealous? Maybe. I've never been good-looking, but from what I observed, it must be amazing to have good looks. Of course I want to be attractive, even for a few hours by some magical force. But I'm barred from that for life, and knowing that unattractive people are looked down upon doesn't help either.

What's the worst that could happen? I don't know; what's the worst thing that can happen to a rabbi in a mosque? (see Situation 1 in the original post) Obviously, there's no physical danger, but more like the worry I described earlier. And having a roomful of people thinking you're a loser intruding on their tribe isn't exactly the most comforting feeling.

Most people only judge you on your looks if they don't know you, because that is all they have to go on. But mostly they don't make any judgements because they don't know you.

Once people get to know you better, they judge you on the person you are.

Sure attractive people have more oppotunities, but I think you a blowing things way out of proportion. I actually heard attractive people get rejected and treated badly because other people are jealous of them.

If you were more attractive would that make you a better person? ??? I can't see how it would

*Sigh*

I have the same problem. They don't even have to be attractive people. Just people that fit in better than I do make me nervous. I've always just sat on the other side of the room and kept to myself and play Solitare. It's gotten so bad that I generally assume that people dislike me and my presense. I have no evidence to support that claim, but I have no reason to believe it to be false.


To date: 59,421 Completed games of Solitare
73,035 Total Games

Anyway, being good looking adds nothing to your personality. It just works as a conversation starter, in my opinion.

Ok, I once again, have a great tip for ya, if yer around lousy people who look attractive:

my friend described many of them as "beautiful trash bags": they look nice on the outside, but offer nothing but waste on the inside.

Tell me now- are you STILL attracted to beautiful trash bags?

Ha. Haha.

I'm glad I understood that long ago without the analogy. Now every time i see someone like that I won't be able to stop laughing.

I hate to sound so self-righteous, but I'm glad to be the guy on the forum who can lift everyone's spirits a bit, and help 'em "cope" better with their AS