Inappropriate Comments and Dealing With Rudeness

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I have two questions and they probably contradict each other and you might all think im a really bad person.

I am really awful at making what I'm told are inappropriate comments, I've learnt to say everything I have to say not to loud and only to my mum because she's the one I'm always with and she's told me I need to be quiet.
My latest day out was to Wisley Gardens, my main passion/obsession is photography so that was perfect, but there were a lot of people there which really annoyed me as it was a week day.
I heard a woman say she only liked her daughter to drink water but she didn't like it so she made it more exciting by adding ice...so then I starting talking, about how mean that was etc.
I also made these comments about another photographer who stood in the way of a picture I was trying to take for 15 minutes which I couldn't understand because im always intently aware of everyone around me. And people who kept walking in front of my camera. My mum kept trying to explain their behaviour but it didn't make any sense to me.

Am I the only who has this problem? Thinking things, saying things that get you in trouble.
I don't know what to do about it. If this is just me im a really really bad person.
I don't say it to them, I remember at school listening to the girls do that 'bitching' thing and im not doing that, I don't know. I don't think im even judging or talking about the person.
I don't know.
Anyway, am I on my own?


Secondly how do you deal with people being rude to you?
Im going on holiday to Salzburg in Austria but I've been getting my words muddled and today I nearly said to my hairdresser im going to auschwitz she's a friend and knows everything so it was ok and I told her I've been getting it muddled with swastika as well, when we went inside I said to my mum I've been getting it confused with those words so she can help me remember. This woman who was in there, never met her, its a private home, where Dawn cuts hair so there were four of us, and she said 'I get tired of these children and teenagers, always lying and making things up, just for effect. How disgusting.'

She didn't even know me and I wasn't lying or making anything up, I was telling my mum so she would make sure I didn't go around telling everyone I was going on holiday to auschwitz which would be really bad. I stared at her with my bad face but she wasn't looking at me and my mum told me to stop.

How do you deal with people being rude or mean if you can't pull a bad face?
Please don't think im a bad person, I don't mean to be.

I am usually passive because I am always afraid of being the bad guy.


Walking in front of your camera? mmmm, sounds like they were the ones lacking social rules. Whenever you see someone having a camera set up and they are behind it, you should know not to get in front of it. My mother taught me that cue. I can't help you there because I don't know what I'd do either.
When people are rude to me on the internet, I am usually rude back to them. I say nasty things to them or call them names, do combats, make hurtful jokes. On another forum I just called someone a Richard because she didn't believe what I said and then I said at least my post will show who the dumb asses are.

In case you don't know who Richard is, he is someone on the internet I know and he is a real jerk and he doesn't believe what people say and there isn't even proof they are lying.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 13 May 2008, 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We don't think you're bad.

Im passive as well.

But yeah, my mom constantly tell me i shouldnt snap because people do this or that. Both those things you described, about that woman and the guy that stood in the way of your picture would have annoyed me too. If i was with my mom or bf, i would have commented pretty rudely on it. Im like you, very aware of the people around me. I would not have confronted those people today about these issues though, but it would have made me annoyed and uncomfortable. Sometimes stuff like this can send me into a huge depression cause i dont understand why people behave the way they do, and i start analyzing it and most of the time it seems most people think im an idiot. But i still dont understand... Sorry this got very messy...

In both those cases, it sounds like it's the other people who are being rude, not you!

I thought Richard was just the formal form of Dick. So I understand completely why you call people you don't like Richard. It's even funnier when you can insult someone and they don't even know they're being pi**ed on.

Personally, I tend to be pretty non-confrontational in public, even when people are exceedingly rude. Though I must say, rudeness is an epidemic these days. Our society is devolving. In a few generations, people will be walking on their knuckles again.

I'm surprised you knew what Richard I was talking about. I didn't even say his WP name. Any guy's name can be Richard is what and not have that name in their WP name. Oh well maybe I stated the obvious.

You can't just improvise your own ideas about politeness. Chances are, they're wrong. Politness is a communal standard, not some arcane personal secret. Politeness comes from correctly understanding society and how it functions. If you don't know, ask! Someone had to teach me how to be polite, boys. I sure as sh*t didn't spontaneously acquire good manners.

What you perceive as rudeness from others in fact evidence your insufficient understanding of social customs. "How the world works," as my old man likes to say. Aspies, we can't really understand rudeness before we understand politiness. How to know when something is wrong if you've never see it right?

I write this mainly for the younger & less-experienced Aspies on WP.

My parents went through hell to teach me good manners when I was a kid. I hated it, but now I understrand why they were so unrelenting. I'm able to function as quasi-normal human being now, indepedant of my parents. I really believe that the AS comunity is too lenient with itself sometimes. Our community's problems are perpetuated because we either refuse to deal with them or deal with them incorrectly.

Whew!

I agree.

I say things all the time that I really should keep to myself. I'm often considered rude and callouswhen I honestly don't mean to be, so most of the time when someone is rude to me in return, I ignore it, with the assumption that I've probably done something somewhere along the line to deserve it. I'd hoped I'd outgrown the tendency to blurt out the obvious (something most "normal" people find annoying and offensive somehow), but nope, I still catch myself at it. It seems that the older I get, the less I care about holding my true self back, so more and more often I find myself just speaking my mind regardless of what other people may think. There comes a time in one's life when it's too tiring to dance around other people in such a way as to not offend. After 40 years, I can't keep up with what offends and what doesn't, so why try?

You're a virgin aren't you?

A good answer to a rude comment is, "Why do you say that?"

A good answer to a rude question is, "Why do you ask?"

It puts them on the defensive instead of you.

Not by a long shot, dude.

Why do you care if someone is a virgin? I dont see what that has to do with this anyway..

It has nothing to do with anything.

Thats what i thought