My feelings about my Aspidity : -
What I'm loving : -
- An end to the never-ending wondering about just why my life is as it is. I always used to joke that if at the end of my journey, I were granted one wish - it would be to have a sit-down with God (despite not believing in him) for a good question and answer session.
Other things : -
- While enjoying a greater understanding of myself, a growing sense of resignation to the condition sometimes feels like I've abandoned hope, conceded defeat and given up trying.
- I know nothing in my make-up has changed, but knowing what I am has made me feel less a part of the world than I used to ... and for now, I think I miss that.
It used to give me the drive to strive.
I used to feel that I was playing on the same pitch as the rest of humanity, which made me feel more a part of it.
Now I almost feel I'm part of a lost cause.
Yes, it's released me from the frustration and futility of the constant and largely fruitless effort to succeed socially.
It almost feels as though something inside me has been laid to rest - finally put out of its misery.
- I almost feel that I now have carte blanche to behave as disgracefully as I want.
- It's like .... the race is over, you can take your foot off the pedal now.
Sure it's relaxing, but it's also kind of tough dropping out.
Either way, it's the biggest milestone in my life.
17 Aug 2008, 2:35 am
