getting others to understand what its like to have aspergers

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what have you found is the best way to get this across. I feel like sometimes no one really gets it unless they have it. Are there any examples that you would give to describe it?

I, personally, would not make too big a deal out of it. The reason, is that I wouldn't want people to define me as autistic, unless I'm either trying to make a point, or I'm talking to someone who already understands Autism.
It is difficult, and only somewhat possible, to make a nuerotypical understand, because we can't define ourselves by their terms. We see ourselves from our own perspectives. To us, we are, in a sense, normal.
The best advice I can offer, is to consider something Temple Grandin said. (this is completely paraphrased)
This is autism
Imagine going to a foreign symposium. You have enough of a grasp of the language to communicate. However, your language is shaky, and you are not sure about a lot of social customs in the country. You could easily find yourself not knowing how to communicate or understand something. You could easily offend someone by violating a social custom you don't even know about.

I always tell people (thanks to my son for this great analogy) that having Asperger's is like playing cards in the dark with cards that only have faces (the backs, no numbers or letters) with blinders on and everyone else knows all the rules and didn't tell you what they are & smiles WAY too much.

This is a good analogy because it addresses alot of things about AS. I often feel like I'm doing things "in the dark", i.e. not really having a clue about it and just feeling my way about. I often think that I have different "cards" than everyone else, maybe ones that don't have the right things on them. I often feel like I have blinders on, just in general. I definitely feel like everyone else knows the rules and I have no idea. I definitely feel like people "smile too much", i.e. that I have trouble reading facial expressions and matching them to what is going on. Things have to really match up for me to get them. Faces have to match actions and words.

This analogy makes sense to NTs too because they get games and rules and all of that.

Wow, I likened it to playing a card game where you have some cards you don't know about, and your hand doesn't look that good. It is a pretty similar comparison. After all, people don't make it clear what they CAN'T do, so special abilities you have may be hidden. They ARE quick to ponit out that they have strengths that they DON'T have.

It is like the time I was in a geometry class and, for the final, EVERYONE cheated but me! That was like 30 years ago, and I should have always thought about that. BTW it was OVERT cheating that the teacher pointed out to me. I just sat down and did the test. THEY copied from a completed copy of the test. I got done FIRST, and got a 100%, but I was the ONLY one that didn't cheat!

Stab out their eyes, lop off their ears.
Now tell 'em to see, and tell 'em to hear.
Cut off their fingers and see how the feel.
They might have trouble balancing if they've got no heels.

Ah, rhyms. Sadistic ones, too.

Yeah, I have bad motor co-ordination and very poor sensory faculties...
But I look normal, so... nobody seems to be able to understand why I get frustrated.

To me it kind of feels like being on a stage with the spotlight on you and not knowing your line.

The card game analogies are good ones.

I like the card analogies. I'm not really sure if there is a way to get people who don't have AS to understand. They are able to cope in a world that was meant for them. Now maybe if they were put in an unfamiliar environment where no one or nothing around them is recognizable. That might be a good way to start.

An example my friend came up with years ago:

Imagine that everyone's brain is like a set of highways.

Imagine that some people's have a higher speed limit than others, and that determines how fast they think.

Then imagine a set of highways where you could have an incredibly high speed limit, even like the Autobahn, but every single intersection suddenly and without warning narrows to a one-lane dirt road.

And of course that last example is like an autistic person.

oftentime i dont have alot of time to fully explain autism :/ so i just say "social wonkiness"

I'd say AS (Autistic Spectrum) is like knowing your about to be put on the spot all the time, and then worrying over if what you said was the right answer.

Hm. I thought AS was the abbreviation for Asperger's Syndrome. Is it the same for Autistic Spectrum?
I think the effects of being on the spectrum were the most obvious during childhood and this influenced how I reacted to everything around me and shaped my future as an adult. Now I understand better what motivates others, why they think a certain way, am not as self centered (still working on that), am much, MUCH more patient (and am very glad about that!).

The effects of growing up different from everyone else are far more long lasting. I bare the scars and search constantly for ways to turn them into positives. More than anything else I would like to be supportive. My anxiety and excessive worry plus fear of rejection hold me back more than anything. I wish no one else had to go through that!

What I miss most from my youth is being so fascinated and interested in drawing. I had this intense interest in drawing but it waned as I grew. Now it doesn't hold my interest much. Plus, I thought I was a lousy artist because of ridicule. I think having the interest and the drive were the most important things, more than having the innate ability. My hand eye coordination was lousy but this drive gave me the determination and the tenacity to improve my skills. This is my most outstanding characteristic, the desire to better myself, constantly.

I tell the people that I feel want to know about my AS this: I have trouble reading people, getting socical cues, body languge, ect.. When you say something I NEED you to be totally clear and upfront. Don't say one thing when you mean the oppisite, because I can't get the message that way. If you say it, I think thats what you mean.

I tell people it is like I am missing a part of my consciousness.

When needing to explain our thinking patterns, I describe it like a spider web. An initial thought is the the spider, then the spider starts building the web, these are the patterns of how our thoughts go. Instead of one thought leading to the next thought and then the next and etc., it's more about one thought leading to 50 more that are loosely connected all together.

I also decribe how we must deal with social interactions as a kind of rolodex. One card with the picture of the interaction and several cards with the possible outcomes behind it. Once you find the right card, then you find several more cards with more possiblities and so on.

It seems to work pretty well on most neurotypicals. They don't usually understand why it takes time to figure out how to respond to things, and so telling them that I'm looking for my social story card for the interaction usually works. It also brings a little bit of levity to the situation.

It's like living in Asia as an Aspie. Imagine we have it difficult already her ein the West. And how cultural and social skill difference there is bewteen Europe and the USA. Then imagine Asia where saivng face is the most important thing in one's life. A socila lie to keep your face. In Japan you can say ten times yes and still think no. Everyone is a friend or a brother in Asia. I South America everything is 'tomorrow' or mañana adn make promises to meet and no one means it .
How many of us have traveled and been able to cope with a culture alien to ours with whcih we have difficulties with?

I think I have managed to learn more social skill by large through my nomadic life (58 countries) and trying to blend in (not that I always could or did), and i have been good a simulating NT behaviour, but more than once I had sever meltdowns in Asia and South America.

Maybe we can explain to NT's that As is like going to China (don't understand their language or culture and cannot read their faces)

I always thought living in Asia was so much easier than living in the US. There, it was expected that I wouldn't get it and that I would do weird things and screw stuff up, because I was the anti-Korean(non-Korean, whatever?). It's much easier to assimilate in a cultureal where they already accept that your fit will be ill at best.

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