Insecurity in social settings

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I'm really curious about a few things related to Asperger's. First off, I think that I definitely have some form of autism, but I don't feel like I lack a few things which are 'traditionally' lacking for an autistic person. Namely, I don't think that I lack trust or an ability to connect to people, or empathy for that matter.

That's not to say I don't have a problem with those things, though. Might as well mention that I'm a 17 year old guy, and I could see that causing some particular issues for me, especially socially. But onward...

I'm curious to hear everyone's take on how a natural born Aspie compares to someone who has just gone through particular situations in childhood, or whenever, causing them to have autistic traits. For me, I feel like deeply I very much love, care for and empathize with my family and close friends. I suppressed those feelings for my parents and replaced them with coldness for many years (between the ages of 5 and 16), but the feelings still persist and the suppression has caused me a lot of tension and grief. I find myself randomly crying for my mother sometimes.

I do have an issue, though, and that is in actually expressing those feelings of love and caring. It's like I start to feel very insecure with how I am coming across, and if what I am doing might hurt the other person or be the 'wrong' thing to do. I'll feel like if I do the 'wrong' thing and make a mistake, the world as we know it will suddenly and violently implode. The feelings are right there most of the time, and I'll get incredibly upset if I hurt someone or see someone hurting, but still have a hard time taking the right actions to help. Sometimes I get so scared of the situation, and so unsure with myself that I truly bury the feelings I have for other people (like I did with my mom for so long).

I guess the situation could be summed up in one word - neurotic. I get really obsessive over what's happening and what I'm doing, like it has to be perfect or I've failed. Even during sex I can be neurotic, obsessing over if I am doing the right thing for my partner and personally enjoying it like I 'should be' (sounds ridiculous but I hope someone can relate).

Outside of social situations, I often feel like I have no motivation, and very depressed. I often even get obsessive over whether I am doing the right thing alone, with my own life.

Thing is, I was raised in a very fearful and anxious family. Trust and love was at a minimum, yet my mother also smothered me with over-protection. That gave me a strong and stinging feeling of stifling, and of being held back. Even now that ill feeling returns and haunts me at the worst times (like just after sex).

Just wondering if anyone has any input on what would be truly autistic, what would be caused by upbringing and what might be caused by my age? Any hints on how to tell the differences?

Also, if anyone can relate to some of the things I say, please share.

- Jogi

Been my experence, a situation makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. Thats why I totally avoid as many large social gatherings as i can.

If people expect you to go, tell them its nothing personel, but you don't like these things.

Nothing you've described experiencing requires or indicates autism.

General rule is 'If you suspect you've got it, you've got it'.

Best way to find out is to invest some time Googling, or on these forums (fora for the Latin purists).

There are no medical tests for Autistic spectrum disorders, but you may have a dose of Asperger's.

Aspergics have a strong predispositon to anxiety, depression and neuroticism.

Jogi, the feelings and experiences you describe point strongly towards chronic depression rather than anything based within the autisic spectrum. I can understand you feeling that some of your experiences might have resulted in you gaining 'autistic traits' but if this is genuinly what you are thinking, then your assumptions are possibly unfounded. Asperger's is a condition one is born with, not something you 'develop'.

But if you want clarification the best advice I can give is approach your Dr, explain to them that you feel you may have AS, and push for a firm diagnosis. Don't just assume you have AS because some of the facts point that way, some of the symptoms of AS and common mental health issues are very similar. And what's the point spending the rest of your life worrying about a disorder you might not even have? If you were to know firmly one way or the other, only then could you truly begin to move toward proper recovery.

Hope this has helped and good luck.

I do not know is supposed to have formulated or imposed this general rule to which you refer, but unless you can offer some substantiation, I'm disinclined to trust its validity.


The large majority of people who have anxiety, depression and/or are neurotic, do not have any form of autism.

But the large majority of people who have autism specturum disorders do have anxiety, depression and neurosis.

You sound as though you're trying to keep Autism an exclusive club.

Awkward childhood situations and Aspergers are completely different things, but for those, like myself, who've had Aspergian awkward childhood situations, it just seems to make it worse.

The best advice I can give you is go to your doctor and push for a definant diagnosis.

Thanks for the input, but I don't know if I agree with that. In my experience, often the things I want to do least are the things I should probably do. To each his own, but I'd rather learn to overcome what's making me uncomfortable, rather than avoiding it.

I think being able to tell whether a situation is potentially dangerous or unhealthy is different from just being uncomfortable, if that's what you mean.




Thanks a lot. I could see it being chronic depression, yeah, especially since my dad seems to have that very badly. He also strikes me as somewhat autistic, however... Also, I'm not trying to say that my experiences caused me to 'develop' autistic traits, I definitely think that whatever I have I would have been born with. I'm trying to differentiate between being raised with some autistic traits in an unhealthy and scared family and simply being raised neurotypically in an unhealthy and scared family.

My mother seems to lack oxytocin very strongly. She actually seems to be able to empathize, but it's like she can't personally trust or connect with other people in a meaningful way. She also had a lot of problems with birth and breast feeding (she couldn't do either, I was born with a c-section and had to be bottle fed). This, I think, makes her lacking in a lot of social ways, and she therefore strikes me as autistic.

At this point, I can't say that whatever it is is debilitating, though I don't think I could have always said that. Anyway, I definitely may go to a doctor and ask. I was already thinking of picking up some anti-depression pills.


For the others, thanks a lot for the advice.

I'm aware that there is an increased risk of such conditions associated with AS. I'm not aware that the vast majority of persons with AS have all or any of the comorbids you refer to. I do not state that the premise is erroneous, but rather that I am not aware that it's true, and would need to directed to the evidence to review it before I would accept that it is necessarily true.



I do not know why resisting the spread of misinformation would, to you, sound like an attempt to 'keep Autism an exclusive club'.

The information presented in the OP seems plausible without considering autistic spectrum disorders. Depression and anxiety are not indicators of autism. The vast majority of people with diagnoses for the number of disorders not inconsistent with the information in the OP, do not have an autistic spectrum disorder.

None of this means the OP does not have an autistic disorder. I'm not qualified to determine if someone has an autistic spectrum disorder, and so far as I am not concerned, it's not plausible for even qualified persons to diagnose someone they've never met. If the OP would on presentation to a suitably qualified practitioner, qualify for a diagnosis of ASD, it will not be for the anxiety, depression, etc issues described because these are not the qualities targeted by ASD diagnoses.

The best advice in the thread has been to find a doctor who can give advice. This can be daunting, and people sometimes come here to be a bit better informed before they take that step. The last thing someone needs is to show up at a doctor's office and try to get them to take autism seriously in a near-adult (hard enough) while claiming depression and anxiety are indicators of autism. If someone has AS, then they need to be taken seriously if they seek diagnosis, and this will not happen if they are obviously misinformed. I make no apologies for wanting to see people are not misinformed.

What an arrogant statement.

It presumes a ridiculous amount.

How seriously do you think this guy is gunna take the comments of a few people from a single forum ?
As if he's gunna take that as his only source when there's a vast repository of information on the web.

You have zero perspective, a very closed mind and quite evidently, little experience or worldly wisdom.

I suggest you temper your arrogance a little circumspection.

You pontificate like you're the font of all knowledge in this area.
But the truth is you're actually rather blinkered and pedantic.

I'll have to side with pandd on this one, I'm afraid, especially since what he says makes no assumptions and makes a well-balanced argument.

I can't speak for him, but I will say I have it on a very good source and Jogi is here to further his own knowledge of the options available to him, and has already explored the possibility of being diagnosed. I personally think there's little hope of him being taken seriously, considering he's already talked to two therapists about it, but there is no such thing as too much information on the subject, especially the personal experiences of others, when it comes to narrowing down some possibilities and finding the best route to take. That is, I assume, why he asked for personal stories and input.

The unfortunate thing is that there's a lot of information being left out on his part, as would be expected, mostly because keeping all of the issues together is very overwhelming. I would chime in but I don't feel it's my place.

Side with who you like, the guy's still gunna make up his own mind based on much more than he gleans solely from members here.
It goes without saying that the more input he gets, the better.
The fact that you've gone to the trouble of actually pointing it out comes across as an inference that I was suggesting that this isn't the case.

What I take exception to is pandd's contention that I'm disseminating misinformation due solely to the fact that she has yet to encounter said info.

The arrogance is breath-taking.

Last edited by MemberSix on 24 Aug 2008, 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You're entitled to your opinion.


If you wish to argue that anyone is served by the spread of misinformation, I'm not too fussed either way. You have view on the need for information to be accurate, I have mine.

There really is no need to engage in personal attacks.


Aha...


This is a forum where people post their views. Fortunately there is no requirement that you read the comments of any particular poster; there will be no pop quiz and participation is not mandatory although refraining from personal attacks on other posters is.


EDIT

There is a difference between not accepting something as factual in the absence of evidence, and stating someone is spreading misinformation. With regards to the other sundry facts I asserted earlier, I feel widely enough read to feel confident standing by them.


Everyone has an opinion.

Last edited by pandd on 24 Aug 2008, 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I said it once, I'll say it again. Go to a doctor for a difinitive diagnosis.

Also, keep in mind that you're the only one that knows yourself, and sometimes you'll be the only one who'll know for sure.

Who the hell are you to go bandying about accusations of misinformation ?

You are not the font of all autistic information, nor will you ever be.

Your arrogance is simply breath-taking.