I don't know about you all...
But sometimes I feel like I can't get away from the black cloud that hangs over my head.
ALMOST, everything is a negative.
Even the good things turn out poorly.
No matter what choice i make it seems to be the wrong one.
I know that everyone has bad times, I understand that. I see that.
However, my life has not been about the occasional thing being bad, it has been about one bad random thing after another... (my step-daughter being burned in a house fire, my 1st husband leaving me & 2 infant daughters because he could not be faithful, my current husband (my wonderfully understanding, accepting husband) diagnosed with and presented with a terminal case of Cancer(Aug 2008) I am over simplifying the situation as to not bore you with the emotional upheaval these situations have/are causing. Being unable to stay at a job for more than a year or so because office politics & BS are so physically & emotionally draining. Obtaining my nursing license only to be unable to work as a nurse due to a work related injury, ruptured discs in my spine (May 2008). A childhood I barely remember, and the parts I do remember are better left forgotten. Now I feel, again I am adrift, not know where to turn, not knowing what to do.
I understand the correlation between making a poor choice & suffering the consequences of that choice...
This is not the same thing.
I can accept certain things because I know that they are inevitable, such as my beloved Grama dying... It hurt (s) & I will always miss her but it was expected, she was old, she was suffering... this is not random. A temporary position being terminated... I understand... but all this other crap...
Is it me or does everyone have a chit cloud over their head & I just handle it poorly.
Do I just handle these situations poorly?
Do I become too sad/depressed?
Being Dx'd ASpie later in life makes me question every aspect of my being?
04 Sep 2008, 10:51 am
