unsure whether or not son has it...

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I was researching aspergers syndrome and found this forum. I really don't think my son as AS, but he a lot of the traits. I wanted to give you some of the things that make me wonder and see what some of you think.

1. He's almost 12. He's always been very smart, straight A student. But he never gets asked to be on the academic teams. Because he's so slow. It's like he's unsure of himself. He wants to be on the teams and can't really understand why he can't be. Last year his teacher told him it was because he was too slow. That really hurt his feelings.

2. He's in 6th grade now and has never really played with the other kids that much at recess. Every once in a while he'll join in with them but most of the time he's off to himself playing some make believe game. Making weird noises and stuff. He says he doesn't like to play with the other kids because they don't like to imagine the same things as him. It's never really bothered him that he doesn't have any friends.

3. He's gets obsessed with things. Right now it's digimon. All he wants to do is watch episodes of it on the internet. He'll write down research on the different digimon characters and take his paper outside and jump on the trampoline while playing digimon. I'll watch him from the window and he's just talking to himself and having fun. He doesn't want anyone out side listening to him though.

He's been obsessed with Avatar in the past, the Titanic, Dinosaurs, Volcanoes. He's very scientifically inclined.

4. He's a little shy and doesn't communicate well with other people. Sometimes it seems rude but I talk to him about it and he tries to be better at it. I've had to tell him in the past if someone says something to you, you have to answer them and in a voice where they can hear. He's really getting better at doing that.

5. Just recently, he poked himself in the hand with something and caused little circular bruises on the back of his hand. Like 9 or 10 of them. He says he doesn't know why he did it, it just felt good. I told him not to do it again.

6. He has told me before that he likes being different, not choosing the same things everybody else is doing.


Most of the things I read about aspergers doesn't seem to apply to him. He's just a little different that the other kids and I don't see the problem with that. But then again, sometimes I worry that I'm just trying to convince myself there's nothing wrong. My grown daughters say he likes being a "nonconformist." Whatever the heck that means.

I'm just wanting some feedback. If you have questions, I'll try to answer them. Yesterday he came up a little upset with one of the teachers. He had taped a hand puppet to his arm made out of napkins and wore it to lunch. She made him throw it away in front of everyone and it embarrassed him. She then told him he was the "goofiest" kid she knew. He was trying to not make a big deal of it but I could tell he was bothered by it and quite frankly so was I. Then I think well if he didn't act so weird, people wouldn't say things like that.

What do ya'll think? I'd love some responses.

That does sound like aspergers. He's almost 12 right now and may think it's all his choice and doing but may find out later on in life it really is not.

When people act exclusive like that teacher (reminds me of a few teachers and how they treated me for not being great socially) sometimes instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you try to shrug it off by saying you don't mind but really it's upsetting. It's his way of being strong.

It really does sound like from even the small amount you posted it is aspergers. Don't go overboard with psychiatrists.

Your son also sounds like he has alot of creativity. Very creative types are shunned alot out of jealousy and the same goes for very logical types. People are very competative and don't want someone who could possibly make them feel inferior even if that is not the intent.

Welcome to WP!

I don't think anything is wrong with your son, but he may well be AS.

AS isn't a problem by itself. The problems can be in related conditions (which it does not sound like your son has) and how other's perceive the person with AS.

I generally note that a label is only as good as what it can get you. I didn't read anything that struck me as something your child needs specifically until the comment about the napkins. A little more understanding on the part of the teacher would have been great, and a diagnosis may be able to force that out of her. Or not. Depends on the school.

AS is a spectrum and some children are very lightly affected. Does he have any sensory sensitivities as well? Odd fears? As for working speed, that is a common issue. Our children think brilliantly, but it takes an extra for the wheels to start turning. Once they are turning, however, WOW. My son's IQ test had a very low score in the processing speed component, but some off-the-charts scores in other areas.

Ah yes...this sounds almost exactly like me as a child. I find my own child is a bit different than I am. I did my own thing and told myself that I enjoyed being different. I was purposefully different. However, as I grew older it became harder not to conform, and frankly, I never really did. This led to me being on the outside for most of my life.

If a teacher embarasses him, it really is your duty to speak to them. I wouldn't let anyone do that to my little guy, as he really is more sensitive than he lets on.

Read up on it, and explore how you can help him. If you feel like it, try and get him diagnosed, it may lead to the teachers understanding him better, and making allowances for him.

You sound like a great mom who is trying to understand her child better. I'm sure he will accomplish great things. Just love him to bits.

He sounds AS, but he also sounds comfortable with himself. If he's happy I wouldn't bother him. It's nice to have variety in the people department.

Well if he does have it, I think he is only lightly affected as you say. No he doesn't have any sensory problems such as odd fears or anything. I think he's just "different" and it's hard for some people to accept. Makes me mad though with I think he's being dissed.

Well, I dont' really want to have him diagnosed because I don't want him to feel like we think there is something wrong with him. I've always had trouble standing up to people but yes I realize I should say something. Parent teacher conferences are in October. I will try my best to do something then.

Claps!

Christy, you're a good advocate for your son. That's important for letting him know that you accept him the way he is and are willing to go to bat for him, if necessary.

It would be helpful to get an idea how he really feels about being alone. If he's truly happy, then leave him alone. If not, you may want to look into social skills training or other methods to help him be more social. Not all people crave social interaction--believe me, I know--and to force them to be would be torture. It sounds like you know that. I wish more parents of solitary kids did.

I identify with a lot of your description of your son. I have a very slow processing speed and rarely performed up to my potential on timed tests. And forget the academic teams! Honestly, your description is consistent with AS. Whether he has it or not is not in my place to say, especially over the internet.

Sounds like you're doing a great job with him. Keep up the good work.

You don't have to get him diagnosed, if he doesn't need anything that a diagnosis can bring; but I do think you might mention Asperger's to him, so that he knows that it's not his fault he's different. He may have problems with exclusion and blame himself for them... The teen years are hard; and if you blame yourself for problems you can't change (especially if they come from other people rejecting you), you start to think badly of yourself. I think it might be good for him if he knows that he may have some Asperger's traits; it could help him understand himself a little more.

Incidentally, although it's quite impossible to diagnose people who aren't living anymore, there's a lot of speculation that Einstein and Thomas Jefferson (among a big list of many others) might have had high-functioning autism. There are also people living today who have Asperger's; I remember one, Steven Spielberg, an Aspie whose creativity might have something to do with his success in the entertainment business; but there are quite a few others. Pointing that out to your son could really help him to reject the "I'm defective" idea. He doesn't seem to mind being different--which is a big plus if you're an Aspie!

Yeah, it sounds like he has it. I would suggest getting him tested, it's usually better if you find out for sure.

They would have got it by now since it became better in 94. He could just be a slow learner but get him tested. The school system could probably help!! !

Your son sounds like my nephew!! !

Except for the self-poking, he sounds a lot like me. I hate pain, even though I wouldn't call myself a complainer.

I tend to get obsessed with things and research them thoroughly. I am not particularly athletically inclined and always did well in school, although I wasn't in any specific program for advanced students.

He seems to be on the high-functioning end of the AS spectrum, as I am, for the most part. I do well at my job and have several college degrees, but I tend to do dumb things at times. This morning, I didn't close the door to the cat room all the way, necessitating a quick roundup of Peter, Paul and Prince. Those boys really keep me on my toes!

Hi Christy. I understand you're afraid of making him feel like he has a stigma, but there are some positives to being dx'd to consider. I was dx'd as an adult and in a lot of ways I would have preferred to have known by the time I was your son's age.

If he gains more self-awareness, he can learn skills to better interact with others. If he's going to do this, it would be to his advantage to do it before he enters college or the job market, or even those dreaded teenage years when it can feel so important to fit in.

People with AS can have a perfectionist streak and be their own harshest critics. I know I can be. Sometimes having the self-awareness that comes with a dx can help you to better accept you own differences. There are going to be a lot of people in the world who try to tear him down, like that horrible teacher, and the stronger his foundation and image of himself is, the easier it will be for him to cope.

Also, he might get the chance to meet others like him through AS groups in person or online. He might not like playing with the other kids at recess, but might like interacting with kids he can relate to.

Finally, if there is some way the school can help in paying for testing, it might be well worth it not to put it off. It's hard to find knowledgable professionals who test adults and the testing is through the roof because it's not covered by insurance. (I'm talking around $2,500 in my area for the formal 8 hours of testing). Just some thoughts ...

The traits you mentioned all sound like me when I was a kid, except for the self-harming. I always preferred playing make-believe games with myself to playing whatever the other kids were playing, and I always had some obsession or other.

If it seems like it's causing problems for him, you might want to get him tested. Otherwise, you'd probably be okay leaving it alone; it sounds like he's doing fairly well overall.

You might want to mention the possibility to him, if you don't think he'd take it badly. If he does have AS, chances are he already knows there's something different about him, and it might help to know the reason for it. Finding out about AS helped me a lot; it made me realize that there really was a reason I couldn't figure out things that were simple for most people - a reason beyond just "I must not be trying hard enough."

I would advise not pressuring him to act more normal. You could let him know that he has the option of doing that, if he wants to fit in more... but he should know that he has somebody on his side, who accepts him the way he is.