Do you need a logical reason

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Today my boyfriend and I were at the bus stop coming home from The Dollar Tree. He stands outside the cover to fart and then he came back under and then I smelled it. it smelled like rotten eggs and I made a comment about it and then I said maybe they should make those fart bags. You put it in your a**hole and when you fart, the smell goes into the bag and it holds in the smell. He said "No thanks." I asked him why and he said "I don't want to try it." I asked him "why?" and he said he doesn't want to try it. I kept asking him why because I wanted a valid reason. There had be an explanation why he would never want to try it if there were such a thing. I told him there has to be a reason why he doesn't want to try something or it's an invalid reason. He said there doesn't have to be a reason why you don't want to try something and I told them yes there has to be. There is always a reason why people don't want to try something or do it.


So does anyone here always need a logical explanation about why people don't want to do something or try something?

To me if there is no logical reason why someone doesn't want to try something or do it, it doesn't make any sense, it drives me crazy. My boyfriend and I had a long argument over a fart bag that doesn't even exist just because he wouldn't give me a logical reason. To him "I just don't want to" is logical to him while for me it is not because it doesn't tell me why he doesn't want to do it. I told him my shrink told me when I was 17 there is always reasons why people do things or don't want to do them. Saying 'because I felt like it' or "because I wanted to' because I don't feel like it' or 'because I don't want to' is not the answer. There is a reason behind it. People with AS do things but don't know the reason why they did it is because they don't understand their actions or their feelings my old shrink told me. People with AS who don't want to do things but don't know the reasons, is because they have troubles understanding their own feelings or don't know how they are feeling.
perhaps my boyfriend has that problem there.

That sure ended the argument there with him. He said just "oh."

LOL....I like your story about the fart.

I also harrass people for a logical reason as to why they do or do not want to do something. This drives my kids nuts. I need an explanation for just about everything and I dont stop looking for it. Also this reminds me of something....Dont you hate it when people get mad and refuse to tell you why??? I can not deal with the silent treatment, I need reasons darn it LOL.

Yes it makes me mad. I don't understand why people get mad at someone and then refuse to tell them why. Why be mad at someone and not tell them why? If you tell them why, then maybe they will understand your feelings and apologize for their actions. If you don't even tell them why, then they will never understand why and not apologize for whatever they did wrong so they will seem cold hearted but really they're not.

shrinks have a few learned skills to engage us couchies ( patients)

they will often repeat the last three words you have said to encourage you to talk more.
they will skirt around a subject offering you opportunities to find problems for yourself...once these have been identified by you they will suggest solutions but they rarely will tell you what the problem is...they let you do that. they just let you see it, which is what they are good at.

and they can say vague things like..."everything happens for a reason"

in an attempt to get you to think, or to help you to see an explanation , or even if they do not know an answer and it is a flippant off hand remark to give a non commital verbal response.

i would say that if i had someone pestering me for an anser that wasnt forth coming i woulndt be too pleased.

not to offend you or dismiss your conversation, just adding my observation.

i gues my point could be......while everything happens for a reason, not everything has to be justified.

please i am just adding my point i do not seek to offend or annoy you.

We need not overanalyze in such trivial matters.

Ha. Sounds quite familiar.

I would agree that it's overanalysis. I wonder if it's something "more" however, as any statement that is left "open" drives me nuts in general, which makes me wonder if theres a bit of "satisfaction" that Aspies crave. Things just have to "make sense," not necessarily a "logical explaination," although that usually covers the bill right there, but more a feeling of "completeness."

good observation.....i find open ended statements annoying as they are...well....open ended.

closed end statements have closure and we can move on....while there is any room for interpretation, AS will overinterpret.

the closure is important, in my opinion and i try to communicate in a blunt manner, that isnt rude, doesnt offend but gives closure to the point i am making with no lose ends.


you will know when you have lose ends in any As forum.......someone alwys picks them apart.

the perseveration and communication are , in my opinion linked.

close a sentence , without being blunt and rude, keep explanations short.

if there is any confusion , always apologise... and repeat and your messages will always get across.

a great skill for AS to learn.

I often dont give a reason for why I feel a way, either I would feel embaresed to say what I think, or that I am not completley sure myself, I will often ponder on things to get an idea of what is the real reason. But I thought that mostly males in general were like this. But I can uderstand wanting to get a logical reason for something, when I learn something, I dont want just the fact, I want to know why is that fact there, like the reason behind an equition, not just the equition itself. And at times I have felt that my search for this reason often puts me a head above everyone else with thinking, but the weakness is that I often reject unjustified answears giving me a hard time in remembering things like equitions without a proper explanation of what it is for.

I have heard a joke about shrinks meeting the AS criteria and they have condition when it comes to their job. Shrinks also want a logical explination do just like we do and they will keep on asking till they get the right answer. They do not want "Because I felt like it" "Just because" "I don't know" "It was on my mind" etc. They want a reason why.

I think the general issue with people not knowing the full reason is they simplify the reason before they even bother to remember it. The boyfriend didn't want to say "well I just think a fart bag would be a stupid idea." But in truth, his mind initially would have thought "inconvienent + impractical + likely ineffective = stupid" and thus stored "stupid idea." He also probably thought it was a joke, which it could have been in a sense, and didn't understand the humor of overanalizing a humorous idea.

Often a refusal to give a reason is just that there is a reason but they just don't want to discuss it. Sometimes they don't want to admit to you what the reason is; sometimes they don't want to admit it to themselves. I would imagine in the case of the fart bag example, your boyfriend was embarrassed that you'd drawn the fart to his attention, and he was refusing to be drawn into the conversation in an attempt to get you to drop the subject.

Whenever someone refuses to explain the reason behind their words or actions, I find that it's because, as the above post stated, they just don't want to admit it to anyone or themselves.

When someone refuses to answer a question, it's because:

1. They don't know the answer.

2. They do know the answer but saying it could somehow put them at social disadvantage.

3. They do know the answer, but they believe it is too inconvenient for them to take the time to actually say it! They're just too lazy.

4. "It's none of your f***ing business!" (My mother once yelled this at me, when I asked her what she was cooking for dinner one night! And I had only asked once! Crazy, huh?)