Basic social skills and having learned vs. knowing

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Sora
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10 Oct 2008, 8:33 am

When you ask someone a question, you listen to their answer.

That really sounds simple to many, is simple for me to understand and all, but...

When I ask people questions and do not pay attention to how I should behave, I may just turn around, walk away and start chatting with another, while the person I asked something before is currently answering me.

People I want to chat with then tell me: the other person is answering you, pay attention!

Anybody have learned better, can do better when thinking about it, but is basically still lacking in that 'automatic' sense of various basic social behaviour?


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oblio
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10 Oct 2008, 8:44 am

maybe you're still a bit too much guided by your signature


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Sora
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10 Oct 2008, 9:16 am

oblio wrote:
maybe you're still a bit too much guided by your signature


I don't understand what's that supposed to mean/how it's supposed to relate to my opening posting.


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donkey
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10 Oct 2008, 12:27 pm

yes AS learn responses intellectually not necessarily intuitively.

you need to learn to act/behave appropriately.
it sounds like to me you may have difficulty with attention span issues.

but asking someone a question and not waiting for an answer is irritating to others.


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NocturnalQuilter
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10 Oct 2008, 12:45 pm

I feel as though my entire youth and young adulthood was spent simply learning the correct behaviour through observation. I still catch myself (or my partner does) interupting a conversation or even myself with a completely different line fo conversation.



Sora
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10 Oct 2008, 1:08 pm

donkey wrote:
yes AS learn responses intellectually not necessarily intuitively.

you need to learn to act/behave appropriately.
it sounds like to me you may have difficulty with attention span issues.

but asking someone a question and not waiting for an answer is irritating to others.


I do know all that.

I am socially successful too and such mistakes are easily forgiven because I made up for it before.

I was just wonder how come most here don't report such issues with basic interaction

Maybe they were born with the ability to intuitively acquire these to some level already despite their ASD or maybe they really don't notice that such rules exists in eh first place.

I was amazed how I easily socialised from 9 am to 5 pm all week long, was perceived as funny, friendly and entraining, got closer to some lovely folks there, but made this mistake at 1 afternoon when asking a guy a question. To mess such basic stuff up was dumb, I thought. But of course, I realised, it won't ever stop happening - making mistakes, I mean - if it's all learned but not (yet) automatised.

How annoying, I never thought about that before.


Anyway, I don't see any of that being discussed here.

So I wonder whether either

A) most here had the ability to acquire some social skills at the normal appropriate rate as kids or so or
B) many people don't know you are expected to listen to other people or
C) most people here don't even talk to others all that much or
D) peole here are perfect in acquiring social skills and never once make a mistake in their life or
E) most don't care about socialisation/social rules or
F) ...

no idea. There'll be more options, but I can't think of more right now.


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Aquamarine_Kitty
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10 Oct 2008, 1:44 pm

Sora wrote:
donkey wrote:
yes AS learn responses intellectually not necessarily intuitively.

you need to learn to act/behave appropriately.
it sounds like to me you may have difficulty with attention span issues.

but asking someone a question and not waiting for an answer is irritating to others.


I do know all that.

I am socially successful too and such mistakes are easily forgiven because I made up for it before.

I was just wonder how come most here don't report such issues with basic interaction

Maybe they were born with the ability to intuitively acquire these to some level already despite their ASD or maybe they really don't notice that such rules exists in eh first place.

I was amazed how I easily socialised from 9 am to 5 pm all week long, was perceived as funny, friendly and entraining, got closer to some lovely folks there, but made this mistake at 1 afternoon when asking a guy a question. To mess such basic stuff up was dumb, I thought. But of course, I realised, it won't ever stop happening - making mistakes, I mean - if it's all learned but not (yet) automatised.

How annoying, I never thought about that before.


Anyway, I don't see any of that being discussed here.

So I wonder whether either

A) most here had the ability to acquire some social skills at the normal appropriate rate as kids or so or
B) many people don't know you are expected to listen to other people or
C) most people here don't even talk to others all that much or
D) peole here are perfect in acquiring social skills and never once make a mistake in their life or
E) most don't care about socialisation/social rules or
F) ...

no idea. There'll be more options, but I can't think of more right now.


B.) I don't usually know when I'm expected to listen and when I'm not supposed to

E.) I don't care about social rules. The ones that I do understand are usually ridiculous.

I don't really talk to another person when someone answers a question but I will maybe go back to doing what I was before or look away at something else.

I guess I don't mention specifics about my basic socialization blunders because it is hard for me to identify them, and additionally hard to analyze them enough to write about them.