Do your family/friends ever underestimate your AS?

Post Reply New Topic

I have a lot of problems with trying to convince my dad about how bad I really have AS. He seems to think it is one of the less severe forms of AS and tells me that I can easily overcome my difficulties. It is a nice stroke to the ego to hear him say that it might be easier to overcome my AS-related problems (lack of communication, being a loner, not driving, etc.) but at the same time it seems that he has no understanding of AS. I have been on my own most of my childhood in dealing with it.

Now here is the question

Do your friends/ family underestimate your AS?
Do they tell you that you can easily overcome insurmountable difficulties, such as communications deficits?

They never heard of AS nor would want to. For them, I'm lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, crazy, useless, etc., which would all be easily solved if I just tried harder.

After many years on welfare, I swallowed my pride and asked my unsupportive parents for my inheritance up front, so I could invest it and live on it. My father said (1) what makes you think you'll inherit anything? and (2) you can always work from home over the internet. As if I was living in dire poverty because I was too stupid to know that (I can't work for other people except on a short term basis every once in a while when I have the energy to gear up). I'm pretty sure he knows nothing about autism. I know he and I have never talked about it.

animeboy, I hope your dad is just clueless and not totally dysfunctional.

Greentea, sounds familiar.

My mother, when I told her, said "Riley (a neighbours grandson) has that, you don't." And that was that.

She seems to think everything is just a personality quirk. Doesn't want to know anything about it.

My partner is very good, however. She is totally supportive of my limitations, and understands when I can't deal. Mind you I am very strong willed, and on medication to help with anxiety and my anger and frustration, so I hold down a job (not a very good one, but not terrible either).

I have one NT friend who thinks she understands what Autism and Asperger's is because her brother works with Autistic kids but she doesnt understand me. Lately she has been wanting me to come to visit her on the train....EEEK alone???...and sleep in her absent roomates bed....EWWWW! I finally, after being stressed and pressured, got her to understand that I was not coming...she is mad BTW. I talked to my Psychiatrist about it and he asked me if she knew that I had AS...and I said that she did...and he said "Well she obviously doesnt understand, then".
This is the problem...people just arent well educated....I have even had comments from Doctors that even my 3 year old Autie doesnt seem "that" Autistic.
So this same NT friend of mine said to me when I was complaining that people arent that well educated that I should do something about it. So far I have covered the back of my car with Autism bumper stickers. Considering my level of social anxiety, I cant go out and preach too much but at least Im trying to raise awareness.

i feel that they do but they might just be wording it awkwardly

I've never told them, so yes, they underestimate the effects that AS have on me.

The all just think I'm wierd, rude, uncaring, unfeeling, and generally unpleasant to be with.

Fnord, I find you are a very pleasant and interesting person.

Wow ... thank you! I usually hear things like that only from my wife!

It's true. And this coming from an obnoxiously picky person regarding appreciation of other humans...

People in North America hear the word autism on a near daily basis, but virtually no one except those of us who experience it and a handful of mental health professionals have any clue what it means. Problem is, for AS at least, it's difficult to explain in conversation, because it's a rather complex set of issues and effects. I've been trying to get it across to some of the people I work with for months now and the only one who has even a vague grasp that what I'm talking about is a genetic, hardwired, permanent atypical brain function that cannot be unlearned, ignored, or cured, has an employment history in the mental health care field. I get so sick of remarks like "You'll get used to handling these customers, you just gotta get out there and work 'em, talk to 'em, find out what they want, suggest something to them. You'll get over that shyness." ::sigh:: I am not shy. I'm 49 years old. I got over shy in high school. But you can't get through to some people when you tell them "I cannot process multiple social signals that come at me simultaneously. When several strangers talk to me at once I can no longer understand what they're saying, not because I'm stupid or I can't hear them; because my brain can't interpret all the spoken language and non verbal social signals at once. I cannot 'work' customers, because under pressure it takes my brain several seconds to process statement A. By the time I'm ready to reply to that, they're already on to statement C, D, or F. But I found a coping mechanism. When a potential customer annoys or overwhelms me, I simply quote them an outrageously high price and they usually go away.

Back to point, there has to be a long-term education program before NTs have any understanding or compassion for those of us with AS. It's not as obvious as low spectrum autism, so they don't see it as real. Like dyslexia, they have to be given an oversimplified thumbnail definition that they can't digest with little or no effort. Awareness is a good thing, but unless you can condense an explanation of Asperger Syndrome into a phrase that will fit on a bumper sticker, just putting the name of the disorder out there is not enough. And we're already fighting uphill with a word like Ass-Burgers to start with. It doesn't lend itself to spontaneous sympathy.

שָׁלוֹם עֲלֵיכֶם

Peace be unto you.

oh u guys speak Hebrew in Pantopia?

Yeah when I told friends and family about my DX most said that I couldn't have it because I am so high functioning, that was until I pointed out I have probably had 15 jobs in the last 12 or so years (being a chef makes it very easy to change jobs) and I am now self employed, I have only just moved out of the caravan I lived in with my 4 dogs on my 5 acre block alone for 7 years, the various meltdowns that they have all witnessed.


They all understand now

Pantopia embraces all peoples, as well as their languages and cultures. It's where the Aspies run the government, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the British are the police, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Swiss make everything run on time.

(Dystopia is where the Neurotypicals run the government, the British are the chefs, the Swiss are the lovers, the French are the mechanics, the Italians make everything run on time, and the Germans are the police.)

Loved it!!

Hey, hey, I have a Peugeot and I'm very satisfied with it!