Why we are bad at chit-chat...

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Something just occured to me that never occured before concerning why aspies are bad at chit-chat.

We, and most definanetly I, have the tendency to just talk at people. We have this big complex idea and thought. Or we have put a whole bunch of thought and contemplation into something and we will just unload that huge thought on someone. And that will be that, everything concerning that topic will be said, communicated and done with.

If someone asks us something about ourselves, we will have a large complex explanation and description that we can unload in one go on the person, and no chit-chat would be necessary for the other person to figure out what they wanted to know about us. Because we had probably already thought of what anyone would say, and integrated it into our response to our initial unloading on the topic. So we don't need chit chat, because we are so thorough up front.

Something always precluded me about chit chat in that, why chit-chat? What is it exactly are people doing?

Well it stems from the fact that NT's don't construct large, intricate, thoroughly planned and thought out explanations of things. If someone wants to get accurate information out of them they have to keep probing, back and forth.

Thats really the base instinct behind chit chat, is like group thinking, group self-analyzation. Whereas we do that all by ourselves and internally, so the function of general chit-chat is foreign to us.

What do you all think of that idea (making chit chat here )

A theme I'm getting here is that an Aspie's conversation and statements will strive to be purposeful. Essentially, an information "payload" that tries to be thorough.

On the other hand, I think often "Chit Chat" is free roaming and non-purposeful. The worst kinds of chit chat can seem very banal to me to the point I want to leave the room or seek refuge in headphones.

One other thought I have on this is the quote from Marshall Mcluhan "The Medium is the Message". What this means is the medium information is transmitted in often affects us more than the information itself. In this case, informal chit chat or friendly banter. For many people, the chit chat or gossip they are spewing is really secondary to their experience of the Oral Communication medium itself.

I bet you could hire actors who speak totally different languages and can't understand eachother to demonstrate this as an interaction of vocal inflection, body language, and facial expression.

I do think two foreign Aspies could communicate non-verbally, but they would probably do it with pen and paper drawings or try to illustrate first.

Chit-chat = Small talk

Small talk = Chit chat

I can't speak for everyone, but personally chit chat frustrates me, and I tend to avoid it not only because of this but because I assume on some level other people, no matter what, like to "get to the point" as well. I'm fully aware that a lot of people enjoy small talk, but I think the 'information dump' style of conversing is much more effective and easier to understand.

Some very good points all around. I often get accused of lecturing about things. When people ask me how I'm doing, it's a mighty struggle not to tell them everything that's happened in the last 24 hours in excruciating detail. If it's someone I know reasonably well, I can usually attempt the small talk, and have gotten to the point of almost being able to pull it off most of the time. (It really wears me out, though. Why can't we just get to the point and be done with it?) With someone I don't know, especially someone with whom I get the feeling of not being able to discuss anything interesting, I usually just clam up.

Makes sense. I agree.

"Logically organized full sentenses with a specific purpose in one go" rather than "disorganized conversation with some spices in it that might/might not eventually start forming some meaning with/without a specific purpose"

The thing is, I only talk to people I'm either interested in or need something from. I've never understood this "obligation" to talk to someone just because you're both in one room, or have a certain relationship or whatever. I use talking to get or give information or - seldom - to feel close to someone. Never, however, do I use talking as a pastime or because I feel that I have to.

I am always wondering why people are bored with aspie special interests and not bored with talking about nothing.

Even if I try I can barely keep a "small talk" conversation going more than a few sentences.

I just get bored of it, what's the point of small talk when you already know what the other person's answers will be and you've already been through the conversation countless times with other people and you aren't talking about anything interesting...

Just showing that you know the social rules and aren't a weirdo, I guess...

This.
I would love nothing more than to talk to you about contemporary classical music, analog recording techniques, ancient history, linguistics, philosophy, or my newest special interest, home brewing. I may even be interested in your special interest, if it's something cool. I've even been known to get into talking politics or religion, if there's some serious analysis going on and not just dumb slogans and inane soundbites.
But must we talk about the weather, sitcoms, fashion, or other people? How is that interesting?

Same for me. I am very curious about world and I like gathering new information from many different domains. But chit-chating is usually talking about the same.

ditto, ditto

I once shocked a nurse by saying the same thing when she asked me why we exchange such mundane courtesies. She'd never realized it was for social stability, to show acceptance, to acknowledge another person's value. It had really never occurred to her.

You could be like me, when someone brings up one of the small talk catagorys you mention I usally try to turn it into an intelligent topic or give an intelligent explaination.

example if someone complains about the weather (-5 minor snow in canada) I tell them its Canada, its winter, its Januray its only -5 it could be -30 and a blizzard, if you got a problem condos in Florida are cheap right now becouse of the economy. That statment will either kill the small talk altogether or transform it into a real exchange about something worth talking about, at that point I can do the fore mentioned information dump about politics and current affars.

Took me years to learn that trick.