Omg I made such a mistake.

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I wanted to hang out with someone during break at college so I decided to join them, but sometimes i feel nervous when I'm around people and then I get agitated and stuff and I ended up pushing the person and running off.... -_- there was no reason for me to do that but all the more reason I probably should just be by myself.

The incident you describe reminds me of so many things I've done. I can't remember an incident where I pushed someone (although I probably have) but this is a typical sequence of events:

1. Do something stupid for no good reason
2. Upset/hurt someone
3. Realise what you've done and make a quick exit.
4. Worry about what you've done and how to fix the problem
5. Conclude that a good way to avoid reoccurance is to stay away from people.

As I've gotten older I'm getting better at apologizing as soon as possible at step 3 (ideally) or step 4.

If I don't apologize at this point I find it gets more difficult to apologize as time goes by.

A few times, I've done something similar. Somehow feelings just got too intense. I don't mean romantic feelings, I just mean feelings in general.

One thing I remember that horrifies me to this day was when I had a male friend at work. We joked around all the time. Once the jokes just kept on coming and it was too intense for some reason, I couldn't handle continuing to laugh like that, and I kicked his car. It left a small scratch. He was able to fix it easily but he was horrified and so was I.

Another time my mother was one-upping me on some sort of banter or other...I don't really remember the exact circumstances. Anyway, I was laughing, but the next thing I knew, I half-slapped her face. IOW, it wasn't a hard slap, but more than a tap. She was furious and I was totally confused.

I think it's a "pushing away" of too-intense feelings of some kind, at least for me. It's like, "Make it stop...somehow!" And...that's how. Unfortunately.

I was sitting with my ex one day and he was being an idiot which was annoying and he started poking my leg in a way that hurt and i dont like people touching me anyway so i hit his hand away and he like totally freaked out at me later after he left texting me "you hit me" "you were poking me" "YOU f*****g HIT ME" (it was definitely not a real hit)
So like every other situation in my life it was 100% my fault for getting irritated and being unable to figure out how to get it to stop with words. We shoulda broke up a lot sooner but thats what finally did it

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I like the skull smiley

Lol I'm glad it's not only me who hasaid done stupid things. I will apologise next time I'm at college

There's always redemption in life. Really, as long as you didn't damage anything, it should be all right most of the time. People are pretty tolerant, once they get past high school age.

I´ve learned to use the short word, "Stop". Explanations can come later. It doesn´t sound very polite, but it does buy time to think out a more elaborate protest.

I don't want to hang out with anyone anymore when this happens.