I am exploring why or what is it that 'makes' me. To what extent was it a socially undeveloped father and crazy cow mother coupled with moving to an unforgivably bleak environment (ie 'pretty' summer coastal village - a SHITHOUSE) at age seven and to what extent asperger (self diagnosed aspi) that blocked me from being able to socialise (mix - I hate that word) with kids at school.
My environment is critical to me - I have a sort of spooky sixth sense to the vibes of a place. As is controlling my exposure to other humans. It has to be at my speed, my terms. With my business hat on I'm okay'ish and with my dogwalker hat ditto. Without either I'm crippled.
I don't think I encountered other children before school at five (or perhaps avoided them at all costs) therefore I wonder at my language development. I could talk 'little professor' style tho had no sharpfire banter with peers. That has remained with me to a lesser degree thoroughout my life.
What triggered the question of language development (and ability to fit with a group of kids, ie attend school) was visiting my remaining relative, my ninety year old aunt. During the last couple of visits she started talking once I was a word or two into my speech, this visit lasted nearly two hours - i got next to nothing across. I am sort of clever and micro-successful so my conversation is not bland. Odd she does this. Four months later the next visit there is still a good bit of this going on, I'm fifty years old tho cannot get a word in!! ! I was tempted to walk out, no time for this crap.
I said it once to her before - "you are the double of my dad" meant as an insult, she is his sister.
This was a horrific throw back to thirty five years ago. No wonder I was a social cripple. It seems so obvious now that this trait of that side of the family DOES NOTHING TO HELP DEVELOP YOUNG PEOPLE. I feel nothing for her.
10 Jan 2009, 4:39 am
