Aspies DO THINGS During Conversation?

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NeantHumain
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17 Jan 2009, 11:34 am

I have noticed one thing that separates people with Asperger's syndrome from NeuroTypicals (NTs) is that we do things during conversation! Often enough this is probably because our interlocutor is a boor, incapable of stimulating our minds, so we stimulate ourselves elsewhere. For instance, I've noticed many aspies will unabashedly spank the cercopithecidae during a discourse on American Idol (Pop Idol in the UK) or whatever else might be on the idiot box this week. Others will very evidently "tune out" and start humming some tune or other that must delight them; many will begin whimsically rocking in a back-and-forth motion that I equate with the need to find one's "happy place." All this is understandable, but it may be causative of our social-skills deficits because, as it turns out, "NTs DO THINGS with conversation..." (Greentea, 2009). If we can find the will power to desist from these mannerisms, we may find ourselves paying more attention to what the NTs are saying and moreover what the NTs are doing with the conversation; what is most crucial then is that we learn to "break the cycle."

As a follow-up, what things do you do during conversation?



Acacia
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17 Jan 2009, 11:51 am

NeantHumain wrote:
what things do you do during conversation?

all sorts of things which others perceive as insincerity, disinterest, contempt, or just... oddness.
I suppose most of it is due to anxiety.

behaviors like:

shifting from foot to foot.
glancing at everything except the speaker.
staring at the ground.
tapping feet, hands, or fingers.
overtly staring at the speaker.
holding my body in uncomfortable positions.
keeping my hands in different places because I don't know what to do with them.

pretty classic stuff, I guess.
I can usually get a handle on it, if I can stay objective, but that is a hard thing to do in the middle of a conversation, especially if it an unexpected, impromptu conversation. I do better if I know that I am meeting someone and what the general topic of conversation will be.


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kip
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17 Jan 2009, 12:06 pm

I'm always doing things during a conversation... unless I'm quite comfortable with the person. It seems that if I know someone well, I'm more willing to sit and listen. Could just be that if I know them that well, they must intruigue me or I would have already ignored them... who knows.

But I've been known to take things apart, like pens and such, or to just wander off in the middle of a chat. I'm always expecting the other person to follow me, but they often don't catch on. Usually this only happens when someone asks where something is though, so it's treated as more odd than rude.

I did have one lady snip at me for my weird conversation habits... then once I schooled her on AS 101, she tried snapping her fingers every time she thought I wasn't paying attention. Damn near took her head off before she left...

Thing is, I'm perfectly aware I'm doing 'odd' things during a conversation, but they are normal for me, like taking a breath at the end of a sentence. I find it difficult to stop doing something I've done my whole life.


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17 Jan 2009, 12:19 pm

For the past few months I've been trying to pay close attention to what the person is DOING rather than saying with their talk. I find it hard to concentrate, though, I really have to remind myself and make myself do it. I've always been very little naturally inclined to pay attention to others during common conversation that doesn't interest me. I wonder if we Aspies / NLD are egocentric as they say, or that as you Nean say we need something interesting, stimulating to get us out of our (more interesting, more stimulating), thoughts.

I know that my mind needs constant stimulation. Boring conversation makes me feel like my head aches.


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Sora
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17 Jan 2009, 2:18 pm

I think in that particular point my ASD may be overshadowed. I always do something. Can't keep still. But I personally do not do anything during conversations besides the 24/7 too much activity that I just as much do outside of conversations.


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17 Jan 2009, 2:54 pm

I listen. Usually. I don't always make good eye contact, but I certainly don't hum in a disinterested manner or glance around the room at everything but the speaker. I have been on the receiving end of similar behaviour from other Aspies and I can understand why people perceive it as rude or disrespectful. If I feel I HAVE to do something - and it's often due to nerves, not only disinterest - I'll try to keep it as discrete as possible, such as shifting my hands or wiggling my fingers.

The funny thing is that often the more comfortable I become with others - and this can take some time - the more likely I am to feel free to do "odd things" during conversation.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Jan 2009, 3:00 pm

Most of the time I don't pay attention unless it's something I am interested in. I care more about causes than I do small talking or selfish indulging. I have a different view of the world.
I try to change people's minds and point out others ways of looking at things, other points of views, other possibilities other than their limited scopes. This doesn't make me popular but it's a lot of fun.
I like debating more than small talking.



Homer_Bob
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17 Jan 2009, 3:46 pm

When I get into conversations I'm into, I tend to rub my hands, shift back and forth sometimes and stand up(if sitting down). I don't even think of doing those things but it happens.



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17 Jan 2009, 4:04 pm

Acacia wrote:
NeantHumain wrote:
what things do you do during conversation?

all sorts of things which others perceive as insincerity, disinterest, contempt, or just... oddness.
I suppose most of it is due to anxiety.

behaviors like:

shifting from foot to foot.
glancing at everything except the speaker.
staring at the ground.
tapping feet, hands, or fingers.
overtly staring at the speaker.
holding my body in uncomfortable positions.
keeping my hands in different places because I don't know what to do with them.

pretty classic stuff, I guess.
I can usually get a handle on it, if I can stay objective, but that is a hard thing to do in the middle of a conversation, especially if it an unexpected, impromptu conversation. I do better if I know that I am meeting someone and what the general topic of conversation will be.


yup i do that


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17 Jan 2009, 4:27 pm

If the conversation is uninteresting, my mind tends to go somewhere else- (usually, on my special interest)- while I look and act like I´m listening; (not sure how successful I am at this, though). If the conversation is interesting, or about one of my interests, I´ll be totally focused, intense, and rapt with attention.


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poopylungstuffing
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17 Jan 2009, 4:53 pm

Conversation is usually secondary to whatever activity I am working on at the time.



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17 Jan 2009, 5:43 pm

Unless conversation has a specific purpose then I tend to feel like I'm wasting time by just talking. However, adaptions to a world where conversation is everything, if I have to play nice I tend to make lists of typical conversation to tick off such as weather, etc. Whenever I'm not interested or people leave pauses, I tend to figit and want to actually be doing something instead of nothing.


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17 Jan 2009, 5:48 pm

When I am interested in a conversation I tend to stand to close to the speaker, stare to much at them and speak to loudly back. Sometimes even to eager to get my point across that I butt in.

When I'm not interested my mind will wander off or stare at a object in the back of the room. Sometimes I play with a small object on a table.

How does one change these behaviors? Like I've said before I feel that I think to fast to be able to have a normal conversation or notice body language.



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17 Jan 2009, 6:10 pm

Yes! I'm known for my pacing when I talk and otherwise, which will annoy everyone (I really wish I knew why that's so disturbing or whatever but..) Also I am known to rub my arm sometimes when I'm in a conversation but not as much as pacing.



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17 Jan 2009, 10:21 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
As a follow-up, what things do you do during conversation?


I've taught myself to stay rather still and look at the speaker's mouth and eyes. I still tune out, but they don't notice. I tend to move my toes around (folding my toes is one of my stimming habits) but since I wear closed shoes this doesn't bother anybody.



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17 Jan 2009, 11:05 pm

tune out
wonder how long this will go on
get amazed by people's presumption that i think or feel exactly like them which is probably the expectation of 'mirroring'
wonder why they expect me to humour their foibles when they don't humour mine.