I am 15 help me with this... please.

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My Mom told me the same thing five times before I got in the car with her, each time I answered her back with no, I didn't want to go to this aspie-group thing, each time she would go on and on about it.

Then in the car, while she was driving she started it up again, I said no I didn't want to go again. I was still trying to be calm but I was starting to shake.

Then on the seventh time that she started to try and get me to go, her voice was just so loud and she hurt my head and I got scared and I just started to scream and try to get out of the car only it was moving and the doors do not open if the engine is running.

She kept on talking about the group. I was screaming, then I just freaked out all together. Even though it was a five hours ago I am still freaked, because I realize the danger of where I was now when I melted down and I could have got my Mother and me both killed.

I also don't know how to stop it when she just wont shut up, even though I ask nice the first five or so times to not talk about something. I even try to warn her to stop. Everyone else in the house respects me when I tell them I can't deal with something at the time. My Mom just wont stop complaining at me. She always keeps it up until I scream.

I try to control myself, but I can't and then I scream to make the sound of her voice go away. I don't know how to control myself when this happens, please help.

Oh, I am 15 if that helps.

Your mom needs to go to the aspie thing without you then. And the reality is, they will tell her she was way out of line. Noone can put up with that kind of badgering, and anyone would freak out. You were trapped and had no place to escape. With that said, your behavior was deffinately out of line which you admitt too. I got alot of wonderful advice from here on how to calm down a meltdown, which you will recieve. However YOUR MOM already knew her behavior was button pushing so I don't get why she went this far...and as a mom myself, I feel she needs to get some serious counseling on how to deal not only with you but with her own issues. With my own kids, if it wasn't an option there was no arguing, I followed through, end of story.I really hope you speak to school counselors or even maybe compromise with your mom and have you speak to the person who runs the aspie thing over the phone. Why do I say this....because seriously, your mom pushed this, and these people need to know this. I am involved in a aspie meetup with young adults...well I'm there to give rides, and thats it. And they would so let her know to chill out. So send her without you for now, and you talk to them on the phone. At least thats what I think you should do....you know, take it slow, they can earn your trust, and if you like them, great. If not, at least your mom knows you gave it a try.

It sounds like your mom might also be autistic as well if she doesn't listen to others disinterest and keeps obsessing about something.

I think both of you assistance, if you can get it.

I know I take anything I can get.

i am a mum. and i have AS. If i did that to my son i would tell me to F#@K off.
geez....mad this arvo........

My mom is like this. The only answer was getting away from her. I avoid going out with her in the car!

I think you said she provokes you until you scream, and THEN she stops it?
did I get that right?

Merle

It does not sound good what happened with your mum and the trip to the "Aspie thing".

Did you go in the end to the "aspie-group thing" or not, depending on who will be there and a series of other factors it might be

1. The best thing since sliced bread for you
2. A waste of time
3. A very nasty experience for you

I imagine you like me do not like the idea of being someone's "pet aspie" or a "self-narrating zoo exhibit"

Perhapes you should gently ask your mother how she would feel if she was living on a planet where very large and smart domestic cats were in charge, and 1 in 200 of kittens were human babys. So she would now be one of the minority, she would have to face problems such as

1. Not being able to understand cat society
2. Not being able to climb trees (I guess that she would need to use a ladder to go many places)
3. Not being able to land on her feet (I guess that falling from high places would be a greater problem for a human in a cat's world)
4. Bigotry becuase she walks on two legs not all four
5. Needing to wear cloths becuase she lacks fur
6. Not being able to eat the same diet as the majority of the population

Then ask if how she would react if her cat mother choose to drag her "pet human" to the "human group" or parade it in public as a rare object.

My father still does that to me and I'm 28. The only difference is that I usually say "yes" over and over again as he badgers me with the same demand ad nauseam. Responding affirmatively in a reluctant tone is never good enough for him. I simply refuse to believe he's that hard of hearing. Apparently he wants me to sound chipper so he can believe that my "yes" is genuine - f*** that.

Eventually I end up losing it and yelling "YES! Now leave me alone damn it!". Then it turns into an ugly fight. Argh!

Tell her it annoys you and to shut up about it.

Recently I had a similar situation where I went to the barber's and the person cutting me hair kept trying to give me a shave, I said again and again I didn't want one, she asked about 10 times then she got my dad to come and ask again! In the end I just shouted "NO SHUT UP!!" and they did, luckily.

As aspies we sometimes have to bite our tongues so that our comments do not upset those around us. However, once in a while SHUT THE F**K UP!! is the only thing that people understand. Maybe this was one of those occasions.

Vanilla Slice

She seriously doesn’t listen. People have told her to chill out before. It lasts for about three days. What I need is just a way to stay calm around her because she refuses to modify her behavior.



She is not. She was tested NT. So is my brother, but I get along with him fine. My dad was never tested but the neurologist that tested me said he was possible Aspergers. I get along fine with him.



If I had kids and thought I couldn’t handle them, or that I needed help, I would try to make things better. I would also tell myself to F#@K off as well.



I try to avoid it as much as possible.



Yes, even if I am shaking and I tell her that I am stressing out, she usually doesn’t stop nagging at me until I freak out. She does that to my older brother too and he is NT.



Sorry, I wasn’t clear. I was in the actually on my way to a book store, when she was yelling at me about the aspie-group. She thinks I need ‘people like me’ and ‘more friends’ I actually have quite a few good friends. I have some friends ‘like me’ on the internet. She is popular and goes lots of places with her friends. I like some time with my friends, but sometimes I need to be by myself. My Mom fills her life 24-7 (Almost anyways) with people. She thinks I need to do that.

I am going to ask her about that cat thing as well.



Your Dad sounds like my Mom, only originally I told her let me think about the group, she gave me less then thirty seconds to think, so I just kept saying ‘No’ to shut her up.



That is what my NT brother tells her.

Maybe you two should go to counseling to get some better communication skills on both of your behalves.

It's a difficult situation. When at home, maybe you could immediately escape to a room that has a lock on once the complaining begins, and remain there until things calm down. Might be useful to have ear defenders available or music.

Another thing you could try, though I cannot predict the outcome, is to make an audio recording of when it happens. Your mother might realise what it's like for you if she hears it herself, and you might notice whether there is anything you are doing to escalate the situation. Some people get very embarrassed when they have an objective frame of reference to clearly see their behavior.

I agree that your mom needs to go and as soon as possible. Right now, she is the one who needs some education on Asperger's. Asperger's is a family issue---it affects everyone. I hope she sees that does not put everything on you. She may be trying to help you, but right now her behavior is abusive.

She refused saying everyone in the house would just blame her about everything. Dad took me and my brother, and honestly other then mentioning Mom in that she was difficult to deal with we didn’t talk about her at all. When we got back, she accused us of talking about her.



The first part is a good idea, I am going to try that.

I tried the recording, she got mad and refused to listen.



My Mom has actually said… “Aspergers is just an excuse for you to act like a brat! I wish your Father hadn’t gotten you diagnosed because now you have an excuse to be the way you are, so now you have more of an excuse to just be a brat.

(I am seriously not a brat! I do my chores without being asked twice, I keep my room clean. I do my homework every night, I obey curfew. I get good grades and am on the honor role at school even. Because I do not always understand her, she says that I am a brat.)

I hate when people don't listen, like they they think they know what you should want better then you. You would know if you wanted a shave or not right? I would have yelled at her too, she had no right then asking your father after you already told her 'No'.