Aspergers, Autism, Socially Inept or Other?

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Hello there folks,

This is my first time on any kind of site like this, so please be gentle with me.

I am trying to determine whether or not I am suffering from some kind of disorder or not. I have read a few things about Aspergers and Autism which I think may apply to me, and may have gone unnoticed when I was a child.

I did not see the need to socialise a great deal when I was younger, therefore did not go out of my way to make any friends. I never used to understand the point of socialising, and felt compelled to follow the example of those in authority ie my teachers, therefore, I did not make any decisions for myself, I never was led by others, I got my head down in to my class work and absorbed myself in that. I never shared in a joke (I never understood some of them), I never told jokes, I never joined in 'horseplay', I was picked on a lot, but never retaliated becuase I saw this as the right thing to do.

I had developed an intense interest in trains as our school was next to a depot and the main line ran by school.

Around my late teens, I started to feel isolated and lonely. I had a few friends within school, but I ever saw outside of school. I just went home and played on my computer. I had one regular friend that used to come over but he was the only person I saw outside of school regularly for some years.

To try and fit in with others, I took a very strong interest in football, to the extent that I compiled a folder of team news by the day, and started to buy and wear an awful lot of football shirts (Not one specific team, but many teams). I supported the local team, joined in a lot of the crowd chants, (and even started some of them), but is very unlike me in my earlier years.

It did not work terribly well as I still had no friends to go out with or hang out with.

Eventually though, I managed to get to someones house party, got very drunk and became quite a nuisance by all accounts. I got invited again, struggled with socialising again, so got drunk and became a nuisance again.

I was seen as eccentric/weird by my peers at school. I did have a small circle of friends, but they were considered outcasts too.

I studied very hard on my favorite subject which was Maths, which I went on to do at university.

By the end of school, it was time to go to university which I did.

I had not set foot into the big wide world before, so I was filled with terror when I went to the halls of residence for the first time.

I did not get on with my flat mates from the outset, because I did not know how to. I struggled with small talk, talked about the same things over and over again, it was a disaster.

Then it was time to meet my classmates, which was also a terrifying experience. All I had to talk about was my summer job, and football. I struggled to make small talk with any of them, so I started taking 'stabs in the dark', until I got on with someone. It took the best part of a month, but I found some friends at last and we started going off to the pub together which was great!

The moment I strayed from these folks though, I floundered socially.

After observing my friends and socialising, I started making up a rule set in my head as to how to behave, largely of the form if (situation arises) then (act like this), and I stuck to it rigidly.

As time moved on, I made more and more rules like this, but again stayed exclusively within the social group. I did join a couple of social clubs at uni, but with little success, as all that happened was that I would perform whatever activity (Football, writing etc) to the best of my ability, and little socialising would take place.

These 'rules' became more natural responses to situations that arose and I could apply them quite happy to those within my social group, and was making headway interacting with others outside of the social group for the first time by the time I graduated.

I was going to student parties meeting a lot of people, talking with them, but it was in a semi-rigid manner in that if an exception cropped up to the rule set I had created, I would not know how to react, so would say something possibly inappropriate or unexpected.

I managed to get a part time job to tide me over financially working in a convenience store, something I had long aspired to do. Where I came from, jobs were very scarce, and on one occasion I was refused an application for an unspecified reason to work in a sports shop.

By this time, I had overcome the majority of my social problems. I would be ok with minimal interaction (such as customers), or if I was in my social group.

When I had graduated three years later, I had amassed quite a few friends and was socialising regularly. People were coming to me to arrange things which was good. However, people outside my social group still proved difficult.

I tried to talk extensively to friends of friends when we met up. For a while I cracked it somehow, but I can not tell you how, but I seem to have lost that skill again in a very big way.

Anyway, I was made redundant from my job and was forced to return home to the folks which was not nice. Again, the job situation did not improve, it took me about three months to get one!

If you have got this far by the way, very well done to you!

I joined a team of people and got on with them very well. It was a part time position, which lasted for 6 months before I was offered a full time one, but I had to go on to another team, and did not get on with them so well.

I know it is a case of "either you do or you don't" but this has become so erratic that I have no control over it seems.

It became very frustrating as I remember feeling anxious just to approach someone and engage them in small talk. Again, my social group was split into those that I talk to regularly and those I don't.

From time to time I would bump to the people I used to work with and that would feel very awkward for me. I do not understand why, but I lost the ability to talk to them.

This is happening more and more in life to me, and I am finding it harder and harder to control.

I have had several jobs since then, the above has happened so much it has become so frustrating.

In my present situation, I have been moved from one town to another, and I have been here for two years. In that time, I have moved from one office to another and back with the same firm, and although I got to know the people the first time around quite well, because I had that short stint away from them, it feels like they are strangers and I get very anxious just to approach them, and can feel myself getting very very frustrated with myself.

By now, by the way, my interest has shifted from football to computers.

As I said, there are a couple of bits and pieces that are consistent with autism/Aspergers, but not quite, such as the changing interests, inability to grasp jokes, difficulty with frienships.

Is it just me being a bit inept/hypochondriac?

Thank you very much for getting this far. Please be honest with me.

Shaun

As much as I hate online tests there are two or three that you can take to get a ballpark idea of your disposition to a learning disorder and then from there you can take it to a higher level and get a professional evaluation. Somebody here will post a link to the tests as I don't have them handy.
Welcome to WP by the way.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Stick around and talk to the gang for a while. You'll figure it out.
I really believe that you can be self-diagnosed for Asperger's.
If you think you belong here, you probably do.

One observation, beyond the ones you stated:
Who else would write such a long post about something like that?
That strikes me as an Aspie trait right there.

Thank you folks for your replies.

So is there a genuine test for this? I am afraid to go to my doctor incase I shall be rejected as some kind of nut!

Are you sure? Surely if doctors have misdiagnosed people, then how can the average person self-diagnose? It is impossible! Just ask your local government lackey.


Anyways, as I typically say to people looking into a diagnosis, and is ALWAYS IGNORED: focus on the symptoms, not the label.

Does it really matter what you have? REALLY? If I talk to nothing, and hear voices.. Is it important that I get diagnosed with schizophrenia? NO. What is important is that I recognize what my problems are and deal with them in a positive way.

Some person who doesn't even know you, who tells you, "You have Asperger's Syndrome" isn't going make you more aware, it will just give you a label you can toss around to quickly define yourself to others (or to mooch off whatever government plans you can).


I understand the desire for recognition if that is your case. I'd like to know for a fact, but as I said earlier, even professionals misdiagnose. I am satisfied with my current position: pretty damned sure I have AS, but still aware that I could be wrong. Getting a professionals opinion wont help me with that, because they might be wrong too.

All in all, don't let it get to you. Read as much as your willing on autism and Asperger's Syndrome, come to your own acceptance, and continue being yourself!

[/quote]

She didn't say that she HAD AS, only that she could have. I agree with that assessment.




You are right there.

I was actually making fun of professionals. You can tell it was a joke by three indicators.

1 - "Surely" if doctors...

People who actually believe this are brainwashed. It is actually a fallacy (faulty logic!), and is the opener to the joke

2 - "It is impossible!"

Over emphasis! Emphatically stating that is another indicator towards humor. Bah! Get it!? (over emphasis!)

3 - "Just ask your local government lackey."

As if asking them will produce a reality? Notice as well that I didn't give any specific kind of government worker. I used the word "lackey", which is making fun of them! The final indicator!

Roll it all into one, and you got yourself a bunch of poppycock! Oh wait.. Humor!

I am not seeking recognition or labels or whatever. All I am trying to get to the bottom of is the question at the start of the post.

Is it social ineptitude? Is it Autism? Is it just me? Thats what I have difficulty understanding.

I found an online Aspergers Quotient test (I can not post the link as the site will not me for now!) and got a score of 39/50 which is apparently quite high. It was the test created by Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen if thats any help.

It is getting to me because I am finding I am struggling in life due to the inconsistent way in which I socialise.

Since I haven't seen anyone else give you any links to the tests, here are some which might be instructive for you:

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
http://www.glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/MaleFemale.asp

The first test is the longest, but perhaps the most instructive in its analysis of the results. The 2nd link has 4 tests within it.

Thank you nephesh for that, they were quite thorough!

Both point to Aspie traits and Neurotypical traits.

For those that suffer from the inconsistent approach to socialising, how do folks deal with it?

When instinct doesn't work, you need to look it as a system/math problem and calculate.
When trying to understand the lunatics around you, study psychology, sociology, anthropology... for general principles, but don't take anything too seriously.
Do the best you can. It will often come over as calculated and insincere, because it is.
Do not attempt any of the more subtle stuff (flirting).
If you try too much, it will seem sarcastic, creepy or insulting.
Whenever possible, go with your strengths and celebrate the inner geek.

I do the 'rules' thing, they accumulate over the decades, tho...

It's certainly possible.

As for a diagnosis, if most or all of the symptoms you can relate to, and you know yourself better than anyone (though sometimes I'm afraid that I don't... a diagnosis is just a confirmation.

I think...

Wow, your adolescence was incredibly similar to mine, bubblechunk. Except for the trains.

I get what you mean about not knowing how to deal with the same people in different settings, or how some days you can be more socially suave and other days can't really come out at all, if you know what I mean, and how unpredictable it can be: even if it feels like you're on fire and ready for anything, something totally unequivocal can pretty much shut you down. I don't really have a solution, I've just kind of adopted a "what the hell" attitude towards it myself for now, but I suppose it should be said that it looks like people like us just have a rockier slope to deal with when it comes to sociallizing, so even though it's tougher and more resiliency might be necessary than average, it's technically not impossible. There's "cognitive councilling" for developing social skills in people with autistic spectrum disorders, (Mebbe when I'm employed/have cash again I should look into it, too) and probably other professional services, too. Although you may just as easily be able to figure out things yourself, since you sound like you have a fair amount of self-efficacy.

Yeah, the problem is the settings are not that varied! For example, I know I blow hot and cold with the people in my office for no reason, but I want to talk to them and get very anxious if approached for conversation. Consequently, people just leave me be now, unless they need some work related thing doing.

The rules I devised about 7 years ago do not seem to hold any more, it makes me wonder if perhaps, socialising in general have evolved with the times and I haven't?

There's definitely something to that. I really believe it's both:

A: I think the culture changes faster and faster with the mass media pushing their mindless crap and aiming for the bottom as never before. TV is aimed at people who respond to commercials and buy stuff that they don't need. But if you don't keep up with the latest nonsense, some people think that you don't know what's going on. (On the contrary, I do know what's going on, precisely because I don't fill my head with that stuff. I'm just not impressed.)

B: Age expectations. For one thing, I used to be hot. I didn't know it at the time, but there is a real difference in how strangers treat me now. A pretty young woman gets away with a lot more than an older woman or a man. It's not just about flirting situations. It's interactions in general, for any purpose. I imagine men would get a little of that, too. For another thing, younger people are not expected to be as good with social skills and little mistakes are more forgivable.

This is very true with the media... I pay as little attention to it as I can, I do not even buy newspapers as they do not report the news so much as make it up!

I have booked an appointment with the doc on Friday, so we shall see what happens.