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Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 3:16 pm

Hi,

this might come off as very depressing so count yourself warned as of this moment..

today is one of those days where you are not just depressed, but you are very self aware that you are depressed and i was thinking as i was doing the dishes as i do nearly everyday:

my life seems more like a job then anything else, i mean i get up and i eat, i go to university and then i come home and eat, while i watch Star trek episodes (or some other series) and surf a little, then its suddenly bed time and i go to sleep after a quick workout... this i do nearly everyday and nearly always the same way.. i do it that way because, well because its the most efficient and most tolerable way to lead this life..

and so i was thinking, why am i depressed? should i be, for what reason ect...and i realized that my life was more of a duty then of anything else...i mean i dont see why other people find enjoyment from the things they do, but they seem to do so... i can try to lead such a life, but i dont find much enjoyment from it other then short bursts (these bursts never last and i cannot repeat them as then they lose their effect), but that is nothing close to what i can see other people having.... most people i meet have lives they enjoy...

i wanted to spell it out much more clearly, but my brain is so tired now...i just want to walk out into the snow and sleep..i need a vacation from my full-time job...my life = my job....

anyone got any good tips? ive tried everything from Drugs to medication, i eat healthy, i workout when i have enough energy, i try and socialize....i mean ive tried most of what i can think of....but i fear i am running out of options....is this really how i am suppose to live? is this the great thing called life? or am i getting it wrong somewhere?



"live long and prosper" <----- what is prosper?



garyww
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12 Feb 2009, 3:30 pm

Life can be a drag but 'living' can be exciting, These are two very differnet aspects of the same thing but neither one is a specatator sport.


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Tinki
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12 Feb 2009, 3:48 pm

Well, do you workout, eat healthy because you want to, or because you feel you should/have to. What do you want to do?

I try to live my life the way I want it to be. Not the easyest thing to do all the time, but I belive it`s the only way to like myself and my life.

My english isn`t good I know that! :oops:



grain-and-field
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12 Feb 2009, 3:58 pm

Vulcan wrote:
I just want to walk out into the snow and sleep...


I can relate, I feel just like that sometimes.

Furthermore, I also enjoyed your post, well written and interesting. I don´t have any advice or anything like that for you; but that´s a good question you have there. Is life nothing more than a duty, a job?

I guess it depends on how you look at it, I really don´t know. But I can tell you that I understand what you´re going at and what you mean.


[end of message]



Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 4:10 pm

garyww wrote:
Life can be a drag but 'living' can be exciting, These are two very differnet aspects of the same thing but neither one is a specatator sport.


thats just it, when nothing is enjoyable exciting, what do you then have?

at the moment i am a spectator...its all i know how to be...



Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 4:16 pm

Tinki wrote:
Well, do you workout, eat healthy because you want to, or because you feel you should/have to. What do you want to do?

I try to live my life the way I want it to be. Not the easyest thing to do all the time, but I belive it`s the only way to like myself and my life.

My english isn`t good I know that! :oops:


Hei,

i workout because i want to, or rather because i feel better and my mind operates better if i am somewhat in shape... i am not the hardcore workout kind of guy, but i do some sit ups every night and i take long walks almost everyday...

in what way do you live your life the way you want to? i think i too do that in most respects, there are times "i wish i did something else then what i did", but i dont see how i could live my life in any other way, its a matter of finding the balance between what you have to do and what you can do...

Engelsken din er veldig bra forresten:) men vist du er i tvil kan du laste ned firefox og legge til englesk ordbok, det bruker jeg:)



Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 4:17 pm

grain-and-field wrote:

I can relate, I feel just like that sometimes.

Furthermore, I also enjoyed your post, well written and interesting. I don´t have any advice or anything like that for you; but that´s a good question you have there. Is life nothing more than a duty, a job?

I guess it depends on how you look at it, I really don´t know. But I can tell you that I understand what you´re going at and what you mean.


[end of message]


thanx, having someone who can relate makes me feel a little better actually... its very lonely in this world, i mean when one thinks like i do...i really do feel like an alien these days...need to find some of my own kind...maybe that would help?



garyww
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12 Feb 2009, 4:18 pm

There must be one small thing?


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garyww
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12 Feb 2009, 4:18 pm

There must be one small thing?


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Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 4:27 pm

garyww wrote:
There must be one small thing?


at the moment i am stuck between over exciting and cotton soft depressing...

the tiny things i do find bearable does not give me much to go on, its like i get enough to keep me going, but thats it and i dont go above that level...i can smile and i can laugh, but its just short burst and not something you would write home about....maybe i am just spoiled, i cant enjoy what i have?

to give it to you straight: i dont know if i enjoy sex any more....some girls try to pick me up when i go out, but i just dont feel interested any more... i think that is a warning sign being a man and all...

right now my biggest enjoyment would have to be Star trek as then i can escape my world for the duration of the show....but when its done i go back to where i was....



Huskywolf
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12 Feb 2009, 4:36 pm

I used to feel like this a lot, and still do from time to time. There are periods of time when I feel that with everything I have to do like going to school I am merely "surviving" but not "living". I remember a while ago thinking that this was because I felt like I lacked a "purpose". I'm not sure if what I meant by "purpose" was best described by that word, but that was the only way I knew how to describe it. People told me that going to school was my purpose so I could get a good job someday, but I told them that wasn't my "purpose" because I needed to go to school. I tried to explain what I meant by "purpose" but I don't think they understood and I realized that what I meant by "purpose" wasn't their definition of it.

I eventually stopped feeling like this when I suddenly got a new idea for a story related to my current obsession, and because of that school didn't seem so hard anymore-I had something to look forward to and a goal for myself to work towards that I could enjoy. This seems to be the way all of the problems of feeling like this have been solved. Not always with stories, but any sort of goal that I like and want to work towards. My goals, while pretty much useless to most other people, help make me happier and help me focus better in the things I have to do. These stories and projects were what I had tried to describe before and called "purpose".

I don't know if this helps but it certainly helped me to make some sort of goal for myself that had a reward I liked (like completing a story, or making stuffed animals of all my favorite pokémon or characters from my stories so I would be able to have my own unique stuffed animals, or making a slideshow that tells a story out of pictures I draw on photoshop, etc.). So maybe you can think of hobbies and things you like to do, and plan to do whatever it is you like for at least a little bit every day so you have something to look forward to. And maybe set a goal with a reward you want to work towards involving those hobbies.

I hope this post was of some help! (Sorry for rambling...)



Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 4:49 pm

Huskywolf wrote:

I hope this post was of some help! (Sorry for rambling...)


it was very helpful, thank you... it has been lurking under the surface for me... but i have yet to find that all encompassing interest...i mean i chose to study Classical history because i find it interesting, i also choose to study Genetics/population history in my free time, i also choose to Watch SCIFI shows and not Ugly betty... but sadly none of these give me much more the satisfaction there and then... wish they did save me...



Postperson
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12 Feb 2009, 4:51 pm

I seem to have lost the ability to take enjoyment in things lately, i think it's called 'anhedonia'. everything bores me and i feel dull. hopefully it will pass, i don't always feel this way.



Vulcan
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12 Feb 2009, 5:00 pm

Postperson wrote:
I seem to have lost the ability to take enjoyment in things lately, i think it's called 'anhedonia'. everything bores me and i feel dull. hopefully it will pass, i don't always feel this way.


yup, that seems to fit pretty much... but as with you its very up and down.. but i notice it most when i am down...but its still there 24/7 for me....

Anhodenia

i guess i should ask the Doctor to run some more tests....was some options there i should look into...



Tinki
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12 Feb 2009, 5:04 pm

Hei :D

Takk for tipset med ordboka.

I meant for example, I also used to eat healthy, but it took so much time and energy, and I wondered why I did it. Now I eat what I feel like, when I feel like it. By eating food thats easy to make, I get very little dishes. Just heat it in the microwave.



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12 Feb 2009, 5:04 pm

i think it would be classed as a form of depression, so you could try the usual medications if you find it particularly troubling or if it's been going on for too long.

in my case, i just wait for it to pass. the medications available come with a whole range of side effects i don't like. i don't get it very often.

it's good if you can get out of your rut, get out of the house, go for a trip, just make some change so you can mentally shift gears.