My mom doesnt trust me because im autistic

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Ok, so i am going out tommorow. But my mom is making my sister (My YOUNGER sister may i add) walk to the bus stand with me, when its basically at the bottom of the street!

I told her im 14, and i can do it myself, and she screamed that "You cant do it on my own, YOU are autistic!"

Ok. I am REALLY offended. NOT ONLY has she insulted my condition, she has also made a mockery out of me.

My sister is 12. And my mom thinks i cant do anything for myself EVEN THOUGH i can go on hour long walks alone no problem

How do i change her attitude! Shes making my life a dull misery!

Help PLEASE?!

Have you stated the fact to her that you can take hour-long walks by yourself no problem?


Has she ever trusted you with anything before?

I have told her but she still doesnt listen

No she doesnt trust me with anything

Before my Dx she trusted me alot

But after my Dx she stopped trusting me

Have you got a cell phone? Your mom might feel better about letting you out on her own if she could call you. (Double edged sword, though; she may bug you ceaselessly.)

That said, you're right--she's being unreasonable. Unless there's some precedent for you getting hopelessly lost or hurting yourself or some other incident or near-incident that might make it evident it's dangerous for you, there's no reason she should think you're any less capable than your sister.

And if you take hour-long walks by yourself, the bus stop is almost certainly not a problem.

Your mother seems to have the idea that autism means some sort of automatic set of impairments. Maybe she thinks you will take the wrong bus, or something. If she's really so closed-minded that she thinks you can't do things for yourself when you obviously can, then I don't think there'll be any talking to her, and you're better off doing whatever you can do so that the second you turn 18 you'll be ready to live on your own. (Don't sign anything. Some parents want to keep custody.) The more you can do, the more you may be able to prove to her that you are able to do things independently--but there is no guarantee that you will ever make your case. That's why it's so important to be as independent as possible, because when you are an adult, you do not want to depend on somebody who thinks you are incompetent.

Make a list of things to learn. Learn them.
--Household chores, like laundry and cooking
--Getting a job, and keeping it
--Work on your grades; college is a good transition to independent life, and you'll want scholarships so she'll let you go
--Transportation--using public transportation, driving a car, or riding and maintaining a bicycle
--Managing crisis situations: What to do about a public meltdown, for example
--Learning to find help when you need it: Medical help; finding a therapist or counselor if you need one; finding teachers for the skills you don't have; hiring service people like repairmen
--Managing a budget
--Keeping a house organized
--Getting places on time, and keeping an apponitment book or organizer

You have four years to learn what you need to know to live independently. Start now. You don't magically turn into an independent adult when you're 18, and you need to know these things more than most because when you're autistic, you can't depend on other people to help you--you have to do things for yourself.

Last edited by Callista on 19 Feb 2009, 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She doesn't listen to the words you say...

So write/type her a letter.


Explain to her that if you are capable of walking by yourself, you can wait for the bus by yourself. Mention to her level of trust before and after the diagnosis.

Provide some information links on high-functioning Autism, to relieve her of her ignorance (no offense intended).
Quote useful information from those links, to further support your case.

Explain how her lack of trust makes you feel; how it insults you and your condition.



If you try to talk about it, she will just drown you out, interrupt, and not hear what you have to say anyways. But if you write a letter, she HAS to read it all the way through, without interruptions, and your words are made very clear to her.

Try it! This very method had some effectiveness with my mother when I could not get through to her via verbal communication.

Last edited by CleverKitten on 19 Feb 2009, 2:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.

that is awful. i don't really have any advice, but hang in there..

thats horible i hope u he gets beter for u soon

I'm just curious as to what she thinks you can't do.

This probably sounds like a daft question, but do you know what the protocol is for getting on the bus?

Have you ever ridden on a bus on your own before?

There are procedures you have to follow such as queuing up, asking the driver politely for a ticket to your destination, paying the right change, then taking the ticket. They are micro-tasks that you have to do right in the order and manner. These activities require social interaction that solitary walks do not.

Catching a bus is a deceptively simple activity, it actually requires a lot of thought, preparation and the ability to remain calm. I still find catching the bus stressful, even today. Getting into a crowded vehicle is not something that I enjoy doing.

There are also the issues of waiting at the right stop, being able to read a timetable etc.

There's also the safety aspect of where you're going and how long you're expected to be out for that your Mom might worry about. She'd probably worry that something might happen to you while you're out. Whenever I go out, I always take a cellphone with me so I can call home in case anything happens.

Perhaps a compromise could be reached?

Maybe your sister could wait with you the first few times just to make sure you're okay.

I'm saying this because I'm still nervous of public transport myself.

It's a practice thing, the more practice you have the less nervous you'll become.

Bear in mind that buses aren't always reliable: they can break down or be too late/too early sometimes. It's best to have a back up plan or remain calm.

Last edited by AmberEyes on 20 Feb 2009, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your mum makes you walk up to the bus stand with your 12 year old sister, even though you're two years older than her? That is a dull misery . I sadly don't have any advice, but I hope it is sorted out eventually.

2nd what amber eyes says, im curious what exactly it is she thinks your uncapable of. identifying the correct bus? getting on and off correctly? :S

Oh, here's a thought, though--Would she make you walk with your sister?

If so, it may be that her idea is strength in numbers rather than "you're autistic, you can't". Two people walking together are always safer.

It still doesn't explain her comment about you being autistic, though, because that doesn't have much to do with being able to walk to the bus by yourself.

Can I just say as someone who's been shuttled around and overprotected, overpressurised and overscheduled for much of my life (due to public transport being so awful in my area, educational circumstances etc.), that this does happen.

When I was 16 I was still forbidden from going out on my own because my parents were afraid that I'd be kidnapped after they'd seen all of the bad reports on TV. There weren't many obliging souls offering to take me out anyway. Even if I walked up the road, my parents insisted planning everything for me like it was some military assignment. I'd be over-equipped with maps, instructions and phone numbers stuffed in the pockets of my warm coat like I was was taking an expedition to Antarctica.

My parents still don't trust me to go out on my own that much.
They want my sibling to take me out.
And my parents don't think that there's anything "wrong" with me!

I don't know what it is like to have AS, but I do have a son that has HFA. I don't know how long ago you got your diagnosis, but your mother could very possibly be scared for reasons that you haven't thought of. If she is overprotective by nature, then the autism probably freaks her out. I'm sure she is concerned for your safety more than she is concerned that you are not capable of taking a bus by yourself. I know with my son, the biggest fear I have is that he will be manipulated by some wacko, kidnapped and tortured. If you are with someone, older or younger, it may make her feel better because these people like things easy and they will more likely target someone alone. Also, you are only 14. I know that seems old, but to us it isn't. There could be so many things your mom is worried about.

My advice would be to ask her what you can do to earn her trust. Come up with some kind of compromise and work each situation out, and ask her to please don't limit you by your diagnosis. It probably wouldn't hurt to try to help educate her more about autism, but educate her about YOU too. Tell her you want to learn to be independent and you need her to help you do that. I wouldn't be insulted. She obviously loves you and she is being a mother and doing her job.

One more thing...it sucks to be 14. You are in between a child and an adult. You want to be independent, but you don't have the life experience your parents have. It causes this type of conflict for NT kids too, all the way through adolescence. Hang in there. It'll get worse before it gets better.

Has your mother seen any behavior changes in you during those different moments in time? Did she think you acted any different from the time you weren't diagnosed?

maybe could get some books written by teens around the same level as self and let her read them.