What is "The Wall" to you?

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I've been thinking about just how much control people can have over undesirable AS traits.
(Some of mine include problems with: anxiety, relationships, verbal communication, employment, executive functioning, etc.)
I want to believe that with practice and support, I can improve or even overcome some of these symptoms. I do not want to resign myself to disability and helplessness.

But I want to understand how you feel about the idea of inherent limitations with ASD's. In other words, "The Wall". The point you come to where, in a given situation, your progress stops, you shut down, and cannot continue on.

This is a broad topic, so my request to you is this:
Give an example of a particular situation in which you feel that ASD's totally prevent you from functioning. Tell me about a scenario where for you, ASD's mean that you CAN'T do something.

Thanks for your input.

Well.. I know for one.. I can't raise my voice in public. Like if I was meeting a friend somewhere and I saw them in the crowd but they didn't notice me... I can't call them. I would chase them through the crowd until I could tap them on the shoulder. That's one example. I know there's more serious ones but that's the first thing that pops in to my head when thinking about things I can't do.

Oh another thing is just.. spontaneous enjoyment.. eg dancing or just running around and playing in the rain or something like that. My husband's friends do random things like that all the time. I can't do it. I don't know 'what to do' since there seems to be no defined rules and you're just supposed to let go and be carefree. If I 'let go' and 'do whatever I want' I stand still lol. So I can't 'play'.. if that makes any sense.

Last edited by mitharatowen on 20 Feb 2009, 1:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Walled-in topic

My answer is somewhat broad, but true.

I can sit in a classroom and learn anything theoretically but if I was put in a co-op situation to practice "skills" I learn I cannot do it. You call it a wall, I call it a disconnect.

Having this happen over and over prompted one college to send me for evaluation (thinking it was a learning disability). Nope. AS.

I absolutely cannot take something back to a shop and complain about it. I think it's because I'm pretty good now at working out what people want from an interaction and acting accordingly. That works well as long as I can keep it brief, but complaining means deliberately doing what the other person WON'T want to happen. So I have no guidelines at all and I absolutely cannot make myself do it. People try and bully me into standing up for myself which is always REALLY helpful , but it is 'the Wall' for me.

I think it's interesting that "wall" and "disconnect" can mean the same thing. They are both boundaries, or barriers, separating one thing from another. But a wall is a physical thing and a disconnect is an absence of a physical thing

i cannot work with people.
i once worked in an office for a few weeks one day a week. I perceived the normal day to day office antics as unfathomable and cruel scenarios that required attending to by the head of the office.

I go so distressed and worked up and i reported a host of "issues" to the boss.
I was a kind of "whistle blower," attempting to make things fairer in the office context.

But i was completely clueless about things as everyone was happy in the office and it was me who just did not understand the way people go on face to face and behind each others' backs.

every group situation is like this for me. I spend inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to work out how and why and what people are doing.

so, i spend most time just one on one with people and even that gets pretty difficult in the early stages of knowing someone because i do not understand the natural flow of things between people. for me it ends up being a great, but CHORE of weirdness with mixed messages, confusions, worry, and heaven forbid if there is any change in routines.

^ Lol that's kind of funny, Miss Millie becasue I'm not even sure I would notice such things. I tend to avoid office socialization if at all possible and I usually don't get involved in (or even know about) rumors/gossip that is going around. At my last job there were apperently all kinds of rumors and back biting and cliques that I didn't even know about lol.

Wow I am EXACTLY the same way. My friend will yell across a crowded room to a store to get someone's attention, but I will actually chase the person down rather than to yell for them. I also don't like to honk my car's horn if I'm waiting for someone in the driveway. I would rather call them on my cell phone from the driveway than to honk for them.

^ Yeah! It's not like I just don't like to. I've tried a couple times... I can't.

ASD prevented me from graduating high school.

My school had this dumb art requirement. To fill it, you first had to take a general art class. Some art supplies are so aversive to me that I wouldn't be able to do the projects and pass the class. The admin people wouldn't get their heads out of their butts and waive the requirement.

For that, and some other reasons, I quit school.

(The story has a happy ending. I got my GED, went to college, and did fine. Take that, stupid admin people.)

[quote="mitharatowen"]Well.. I know for one.. I can't raise my voice in public. Like if I was meeting a friend somewhere and I saw them in the crowd but they didn't notice me... I can't call them. I would chase them through the crowd until I could tap them on the shoulder. That's one example.
quote]

I'm exactly the same!

i love this place.

i didnt even know about aspergers two years ago, and i thought i invented "the wall" in my FEW and utterly pointless chats w some gvt appointed teen-therapist.
he tried to make everything into manical-depression, while i kept protesting "for the last time, there are no voices in my head..."

anyway, the wall is everywhere, i cant exactly pinpoint when it appears, but for example, social services sent me to many a "motivational program", where i would attend a few times, before - - - hitting the wall

I can't connect with people otherwise than in a one-on-one conversation, I *hate* being in groups of people, I just feel the need to flee to solitude asap.

I can't be in a relationship.

and I can't eat raisins. they are filthy, disgusting things. there is a huge effing wall between me and those little wrinkly b**tards

AS prevents me doing many daily tasks consistently, and that's "the wall". I cannot think of something it prevents me from doing totally, as in never; it's more complicated than that. For instance, I can on occasion do grocery shopping and prepare a meal, but not consistently enough to maintain health (and I lose too much weight when left to my own devices too long). I can do a speech or perform a role in front of a roomful of people; however my ability to do this varies so much that I'm unable to function in my intended career without accomodation for this. Before diagnosis, I'd consistently push myself to my limits--I'd always be figuring out ways around my difficulties--but still couldn't get near to the same level of functioning as most.

About the shouting in public thing; initially I thought that was an example of something I could never do, but can already think of 2 occasions when I did. The first was when I went searching the streets for my baby brother, who'd toddled off while no one was looking. I found his toy and instinctively started shouting his name, even though no one was around. It turned out the people in the house I was standing outside had found him and left the toy in the street as a sign. The second occasion was outside the school building when a boy pushed me out of the way to get past; I just lost it, unexpectedly, and began yelling at him in front of everyone.

I hit the 'wall' when something like an appointment come up. I just go really quiet, like shock. I have boarderline autism btw.

It's my shyness. It stops me from making new friends and socializing to people I don't know. They have to make the first moves. I have to be the follower. I am also afraid of coming off wrong and saying something wrong and upsetting people.