Was this wrong to say?

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Okay my bf is leaving for the bus to head to work. He got switched back to graveyard. I told him "It's 9:14" and he says his bus leaves in eight minutes. I told him he better get going because he walks slow. He said "Thanks a lot."

Now when he says "Thanks a lot" that is sarcasm and it's a cue I said something wrong.

I don't understand what I said wrong. He has bad feet so it makes him walk slower. I asked him what was wrong with what I said. He said he had no time to explain it. It must be a long explanation then. Is telling someone they walk slow an insult? I don't see how it is, it's the truth because his feet are bad. I can walk faster than him. I would hate for him to miss his bus because he left too late so I told him he better get going because he walks slow. He does need to allow himself some extra time to catch the bus. I always leave ten minutes before the bus comes in case it comes early but it was eight minutes before his bus came and he was still here.

Was it a wrong thing to say or is he just over reacting?

Luckily he didn't get upset with what I said. He just giggled when I asked him what did I say wrong.

People don't like to be called slow, even if at times it is the truth.

I remember when my mum yelled at me because I pointed out how forgetful she was. It was the truth and I said I was that way too. It was just a friendly joke that got taken the wrong way.

Before my dx people told me I walked slow and I got a little defensive.

He's probably just a little self-conscious about his bad feet. Guys don't like it when you make fun of a weakness, even though you were joking. It sounds like he took it well though.

But I wasn't making fun of his weakness.

No, I know you weren't. But what do you think popped into his head when you mentioned him being a slow walker? He knows that his bad feet are what make him slow, so he is conscious about it. That's why he really didn't get mad, because he knew you meant no harm by it. It will always bother him to some degree though.

I have no idea what he thought. He knows his problem so I told him he better get going because he walks slow so shouldn't he think "She's right I better go I don't want to miss the bus?"

No, he was thinking "Oh man, why did she have to remind me about my feet?". It didn't bother him a whole lot, but it made him think about his problem.

even if it's the truth, being reminded of your problems can hurt your feelings. none of us like to be reminded of our shortcomings, right?
and when people are hurt, they snap back. even you didn't say it with the INTENT to hurt him, it still did by accident, so he snapped back.
"I really should get going, she's right" would be the logical thing to think/say, but people don't usually run on logic, they run on feelings, and that's where it gets complicated.

No, I'm puzzled as to what could be wrong with that. You were simply stating a fact. I would have thought it would be being helpful, if anything - reminding him that because he walks slowly, it would probably be better for him to leave a little earlier to make sure he gets there in time.

If he was slow because he was very, very fat, and you said something like, "You'd better get going - you know how long it takes you to waddle your way down the street," then, yes, that could be insulting. But not just saying that he walked slow, and it being a fact and no fault of his own.

Spokane_Girl - is it possible that he's just messing with you (good-natured teasing)?

He may know your thought processes well enough to understand that you are inclined to take things literally. So his sarcastic response (which he normally uses to indicate you have said something wrong) this time was simply intended to make you *think* you said something wrong (probably referring to his slow walking.)

If that's the case, then he just wanted to fluster you a bit (and apparently succeeded brilliantly.)

Different people, different reactions. I, myself walk pretty fast.

Perhaps reminding him of something that he's obviously gotta be well aware of already, something to do with an inability on his part, may have 'felt' insulting. It's sort of like when my supervisor at work comes up to me and asks how my blood sugars are (I'm insulin dependent) ...I tell her they're fine. She says "Well, could you check it anyway, you look a little pale."

I realise she's trying to prevent a bad outcome from happening, a low blood sugar, but the fact that she won't take my word for it like she's been living with my diabetes longer than I have 'feels' insulting. Anyway, I checked it, it was a little high, but certainly NOT low, so I (maybe defensively) reminded her that you can't estimate someone's glucose levels based on the colour of their skin alone. I also reminded her that my blood sugar test strips cost a dollar a piece.

He likely 'felt' a little sensitive about his bad feet, but if he giggled, I don't think it was anything YOU did wrong.. it likely has more to do with how HE recieved it.

Had something similar happen to me out on a club when i was 20-something:

A friend of mine said "this is X, you guys should talk" (he was probably a computergeek like me and my friend wanted to help me make new friends) so i asked him "Do i know you?" (i really wanted to know) and he bolted off throwing cursewords at me!

I didnt know that this was an insult that said "Go away" until a few months later when i brought it up with someone else.

Thinking in the reverse, i would have not gotten the insult at the time and would have said "No, this is the first time i have met you" (and i have a good memory so i would have been sure that he didnt know me).

Maybe it wasn't to do with his feet but more with you telling him to go.
I think most people would prefer to let them self go, as opposed to someone hinting them. So rather than him saying he's going now and you giving him the conventional kiss and goodbye, it's a 'you better go now'. That's what I think.
I still think he could have been more rational about it though.
EMZ=]

I wouldn't say you said anything wrong. Even if it was taken by him as a little too reminding of his feet then it was simply an accidental slip of the tounge which I'm sure he would have forgotten about during his journey towards the bus seeing as he had to hurry.

The thing I think you should take from this is that he wasn't hurt by your words, and even if it did remind him, then it can be easily rectified with some quality time together.

Yep, people don't need to be reminded of all the ways they are less than perfect.

Saying, "you had better get going, then" would suffice.

Keep references about "why" impersonal. Saying "you will probably need more than 5 minutes to walk" is far less pointed than saying "because you walk slow." Phrase A could be true for anyone; phrase B is true only for him.

Make sense?