Why would asking questions be considered offensive?

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Who_Am_I
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12 May 2009, 11:19 pm

I was on a train today, and there were a couple of girls on the seats near me, and I could hear their conversation. During the course of the conversation, one of them mentioned someone that she'd met, and she said

[quoteHe kept asking me all these questions, and I was like "Why don't you get a notepad to write it all down? What are you, the police?"[/quote]

and

Quote:
It was so rude, I shouldn't have to put up with being interrogated like that. I went right off at him.



Why do some people react like this to questions? I've always thought that asking questions was a way to show interest in someone.


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pensieve
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12 May 2009, 11:46 pm

Maybe she just wasn't interested in that guy. If some random guy that I could tell liked me but I didn't like him at all asked me a whole lot of questions I would feel uncomfortable too. And you don't know how he was asking the questions. Those two sentences don't give you much to go by. You don't really know much about the situation.

Asking questions is a good way to show you're interested, but overdoing it can come off as creepy.


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Danielismyname
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12 May 2009, 11:46 pm

Yes, it does sound like a good way to learn to know someone; how else is there?

Perhaps said individual thought there were too many for the context? Or perhaps she felt that it was intrusive.... It would have been better for her to tell said individual that the questions were making her feel uncomfortable, rather than bitching about it behind the person's back; when people don't do this, it leads the other party on.

I'm sure when she said, "'I was all like ..., '" it was all in her head at the time, as I've found most people to not speak what's on their mind, and they expect you to somehow read their thoughts (perhaps nonverbal communication is in play?).



Who_Am_I
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12 May 2009, 11:54 pm

pensieve wrote:
Maybe she just wasn't interested in that guy. If some random guy that I could tell liked me but I didn't like him at all asked me a whole lot of questions I would feel uncomfortable too. And you don't know how he was asking the questions. Those two sentences don't give you much to go by. You don't really know much about the situation.

Asking questions is a good way to show you're interested, but overdoing it can come off as creepy.


It might have been the way he asked them. By her report, she was offended after he asked only 3 questions. I don't see that 3 questions is excessive.


Danielismyname wrote:
Yes, it does sound like a good way to learn to know someone; how else is there?

Perhaps said individual thought there were too many for the context? Or perhaps she felt that it was intrusive.... It would have been better for her to tell said individual that the questions were making her feel uncomfortable, rather than bitching about it behind the person's back; when people don't do this, it leads the other party on.

I'm sure when she said, "'I was all like ..., '" it was all in her head at the time, as I've found most people to not speak what's on their mind, and they expect you to somehow read their thoughts (perhaps nonverbal communication is in play?).


It might have been that she thought they were intrusive, they were, apparently:

What's your name?

How old are you?

Where'd you get your jewellery from?

I don't see how they were offensive, but I'm probably missing something.


I'm sure that the "I was all like" thing refers to it all being in her head.


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-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


fiddlerpianist
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13 May 2009, 6:40 am

It could have been the way the questions were asked. If they were fired off in a row like the OP suggests, that does end up sounding more like an interrogation than a conversation. I don't know the context of the conversation, but if the first words out of the questioner's mouth to this other person was: "What's your name?" it's an abrupt question to ask. Usually one engages in some small talk first, and possibly at the end of a conversation asks the person's name.



protest_the_hero
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13 May 2009, 7:14 am

It all depends on the situation and the questions. It's easy to make people uncomfortable if you do it wrong. I'd think aspies would know.



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13 May 2009, 7:20 am

I have always come out and just ask questions the honest aspie part of me, often can not help myself... others none autistic people that is seem to like playing polite games, chit chat I could never understand or truly want to and at my age given up pretending so just continue to be me, as they are them!


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Fudo
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13 May 2009, 7:21 am

i don't understand this, i generally love being asked questions as long as they don't seem suspicious, like a stranger asking if i have money or something, even then i'd feel compelled to answer & truthfully.. fortunately i'm really "skint" at the moment though.
if someone asks, i assume they're interested & try to answer as best i can. i'm not so good at asking questions though, even when i'm very interested in someone etc.



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13 May 2009, 7:27 am

Fudo wrote:
i don't understand this, i generally love being asked questions ........ i'm not so good at asking questions though, even when i'm very interested in someone etc.

When younger I hardly spoke to anyone, eyes to the floor etc... I guess as have got older have gain more confidence in self and partly that is I feel with totally accepting, understanding and allowing self... I never use to feel comfortable because I tried to hard to fit in, pretend , be what I am not.. but now happy and proud to be an autistic individual and with that has come bucket loads of confidence, I just drive all the none autistic individuals crazy now :D


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Fudo
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13 May 2009, 7:41 am

it's better to ask.. :) i'm not worried about fitting in etc i just struggle to think of anything to say to start a conversation & inquire about someone.. i dunno:(
i'm kinda lucky in that i'm (relatively) comfortable on stage playing music, i imagine that would appear as confidence & maybe be a good "ice-breaker" type thing, unless i play really bad lol but most people just assume you meant to..



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13 May 2009, 8:47 am

It depends on the context and how well the questioner is known. Some people I discuss things freely with and others get the "Who the fukc are you? Geraldo?" response.



fiddlerpianist
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13 May 2009, 9:25 am

Fudo wrote:
it's better to ask.. :) i'm not worried about fitting in etc i just struggle to think of anything to say to start a conversation & inquire about someone.. i dunno:(
i'm kinda lucky in that i'm (relatively) comfortable on stage playing music, i imagine that would appear as confidence & maybe be a good "ice-breaker" type thing, unless i play really bad lol but most people just assume you meant to..


Musicians generally give off a self-confidence that many find attractive. I have often been told by my bandmates that someone in the audience was flirting with me. However, it is beyond my cognitive abilities to figure this out. Some I think expect me to initiate the first conversation, and I absolutely don't do this. Others will approach me, and, while I'm much better at accepting appreciation than I used to be, I still cut the conversations pretty short. During breaks, I'd much rather find a quiet corner and fiddle than talk to people I don't know.