How was life pre Aspergers?

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Has your life changed since becoming aware of the name Aspergers? If so in what way? Has it been positive or negative?

But let's not stop there. What about other conditions such as anxiety disorder and depression? Before these terms were even part of your vocabulary, how much of an impact did it have on your life. Sometimes I wish I could just be oblivious to all terms and forget that they even exist. The only reason I found out any psychological terms and conditions was my need to answer why I was so different.

So before you had any idea of these certain terms, how was life in comparison to now?

Before I was diagnosed people around me always thought I was depressed, mostly because of my lack of facial expressions though.

Anxiety and depression have always been a part of my life because they run rampant throughout my family, everyone on my mother's side has battled with depression and/or anxiety at some point in their life.

As far as how my life has changed after the diagnosis (or more like after the possibility of having an ASD was brought up), I think that I've let myself induldge more in my quirks. It feels liberating, knowing that I'm not just weird or abnormal but that there's a reason for it and that there are others like me. I no longer fake interest as much as I did or present myself as someone I'm not, I'm very quick to share the details of my condition (partly because AS is my current interest) and in some ways I wear the label proudly.
Other than that my life has changed very little, although I've moved on from slightly resenting myself to a calm, content acceptance of who I am.

Positive. Could be more positive still, but I can't say anything bad about having the label so far.

Support from people who know AS/HFA well and all... that's finally a piece of quality of life leading me within reach of equality.

I know where to stop now too, where my autism limits me. Though I usually don't and just keep going to exhaustion because I want to try hard to learn what all these other people can do. And I want to do just that what everybody else does too!

But even though I'm frustrated about failing, the knowledge of being on the spectrum has given me the opportunity to gain awareness about how others see me.

It's also given me a lot of insight into the world. I thought I was perfectly normal all along. I never knew that others were so different - how many things there are I cannot see! And it's all so amazing to hear about normal people, how they develop and learn and who they grew into. You know - people who did all the normal things as a baby, communicated with others in their childhood already... very fascinating indeed!

It's as amazing to hear about other autistic people who didn't have a similar development as mine and those many other people with lots of other conditions.

It amazed me that human nature and experiences can be so different.

There's a whole new world opening up and I can see no end to it! Very fascinating for a person like me who's ever curious about things and never to be satisfied.

I think that's the hugest gift the diagnosis has given me so far - a new dimension to explore.

Before knowing the terms, everything would be attributed to character flaws. Even when I was the most conscientious person in the room, I'd be blamed for not trying hard enough, being deliberately difficult, and being deliberately unsociable. This message gets deeply absorbed, so you end up saying it to yourself and believing it. This obliterates confidence, resulting in trying to conceal the "flaws", which in turn increases the anxiety. Knowing what actually underlies the experiences and behaviors can be a release from this burden.

from as early as i can remember i was considered to be "special". i was diagnosed with autism at a very young age (at about 18 months there was much consensus that i was autistic, and by 3 years old i was fully diagnosed.)
i was told i most probably have an "asperger" variety of autism when i was 12 (1984).
this was long before the syndrome was officially recognized.

when i was 3, i was diagnosed as autistic and thought to be MFA. my complete disregard for all manners of social intercourse led them to feel that i was rather severely affected. not to the point of LFA however, because i was able to interact when i wanted something.

later, when i was getting good marks in class, and exhibiting some intelligence, they re-diagnosed me as HFA.

that was the top of the line back then. "high functioning autism".
but i also had ODD (still have it mildly) and i was very difficult, so i was committed to an adolescent unit where behaviorally difficult people went to get fixed. it was a psychiatric institution essentially, but i had a great time there.

there i had a psychiatrist and she was very much into researching asperger syndrome and she was trying to define characteristics that differentiate AS from HFA.
she was doing this research funded by a grant from the NSW government.

so i knew (or believed) i was AS from 12, but i was officially diagnosed in 1996 after a drink driving charge. my lawyer suggested i get officially diagnosed, and i did.
it took 4 weeks. they had to have all my school reports and they interviewed my parents and subjected me to many tests.

one of them included watching a short movie with a laser pointer (on a pair of glasses i had to wear) aimed at my iris. the reflected beam was captured by a sensor and my visual tracking sequence while looking at the scenes was plotted.
they noticed things like: when someone in the movie gasped and pointed, i looked at the tip of their finger, then i looked elsewhere in the room that was entirely unassociated with the scene (eg: the skirting board to see what type of power outlets the house had).

i was affirmed AS, but then i did not want to use it as any defense, because AS did not make me drink and drive. idiocy did.
i was interested to get the affirmation that i was AS, and the government paid for everything.

so.....
how do i feel after being diagnosed?
i feel the same way i always have felt.
in my case, the most severe diagnosis was when i was just coming into understanding that i am alive. i lived with that and then was relieved of some burden with the HFA diagnosis (relieved of people trying to talk for me and take control of my intentions).
then i was further relieved by being considered AS when i was 12.
i was relieved of anyone interfering with my intended pursuits.

i do not care what label sticks to me. i will brush it off because i hate the feel of tags.

i never think to myself about my AS. i just feel it all the time in that i so totally disagree with how other people think, and what they want. i know i disagree, but i never ascribe it to AS, because when i am not on an AS forum, i do not let the fact i have AS intrude upon my thoughts.

Before I knew what Aspergers was, I thought I was different. I just assumed it was because I was so intelligent and beautiful and I'm kidding. I'm just really creative and thought that was why.

As far as depression and anxiety, I was never diagnosed anything like that. My mom always thought I was a manic depressant. But I figure, to quote Wayne from Wayne's World, "once I thought I had mono for an entire year. turns out I was just really bored." I do get bored a lot, so I can see how people assume I'm depressed. I really do spend a lot of time doing things I don't want to do, and that's boring. It's only depressing when that's all I do. What's funny? when I do feel "depressed" like it's becoming an issue, nobody believes me. Ain't that some s**t? But my depression that I think I go through once in a while now isn't Asperger related. Ever since I had kids, my hormones have gone crazy. For about a week in the month, I'm depressed. Then I have a week where I can't sit still or sleep much. Even though I do have a week where I'm a total witch, that one I can't blame PMS. I blame my husband for that one Seriously, I only get that way in the later stages of sleep deprivation. Even though 9 times out of 10, my kids are the reason I don't get to sleep, i blame my husband because he should be sharing the load.

Knowing what Aspergers is, I've had a dramatic improvement in certain areas of my life. Why? I approach things differently now based on that knowledge, and it being right on has helped. While the Ritalin energy high would be nice in helping me keep up with my kids, I doubt being diagnosed something I'm not (like ADHD) would help me at all. And that's why I hate labels. Especially when it comes to kids. I will be so livid if a teacher or principal tells me my kids can't attend their school unless they are on ritalin like they are qualified to make that kind of judgment. I was just having a conversation about this recently with my mom who is a guidance school counselor. My daughter is overactive (2 years old). I think she's Aspie and that's just related to it, but my mom thinks some ADHD might be involved. I'm sick of that too. I know a kid, four years old, taking Ritalin (an amphetamine cocktail) and some sort of Antidepressant and sleeping pills because he's diagnosed Aspergers, Bi Polar, and ADHD. I asked the mom why they thought ADHD, and she said because he's hyper and he doesn't pay attention when you talk to him. I asked, you mean like no eye contact, and she said yes. I said those are both a part of Aspergers. Why Bi Polar? She said because he has problems sleeping at night and because his temper tantrums are crazy. Hmmm, more Aspergers stuff. The poor kid walks around like a zombie half the time, and the only thing that has improved with all those meds, he's too doped up to misbehave now...while at home. I think he gets more hyper after the Ritalin, but that's just based on assumptions.

Either way, this is why the shrink world is a joke and most shrinks are quacks. So when it comes to an actual diagnosis, your best bet for accuracy is to read up the info yourself and make your own determination. My best therapy for myself regarding Aspergers came from a massage therapist. Sometimes you can find one who's good at reading people and common sense to act as both your head shrink while giving you a full body. Guess what? they are even cheaper by the hour. Outside of that, unless you are a kid in school, nobody has to know your label. Keep that to yourself, but let people know in cases you think it might benefit you for them to know (like cases where you are being treated unfairly for no reason and need a reason if you decide to fight it...like employment, the EEOC--equal employment opportunity commission-- won't help you unless you are a minority, really old, or have a disability otherwise its not discrimination...women is only equal pay, nothing else, and harassment in general and hostile work environments is not illegal like a fat person being constantly made fun of is only an example in EEOC's training against harassment, but they won't represent the fat person unless he's/she's a minority, really old, or has a disability). The more I think about it, EEOC discriminates about who they will try to end discrimination for, so what is that, irony, oxymoron, hypocrite?

In the end, i guess, a diagnosis is only helpful if you choose to let it be helpful. For the same reason, it can be hurtful (like just using it as an excuse for unwanted behaviors --which it is but isn't). Now, if the diagnosis includes pharmaceutical therapy, then it can be very hurtful, and sometimes long term hurtful. Even if your diagnosis is accurate for the drugs you take, most of those drugs are pretty hard core and more often than not, the cost outweighs the benefits. I only suggest it for extreme cases (like you are really trying to kill yourself) and then, monitored incredibly closely at first like in a hospital for the first month as most antidepressants prescribed to treat depression has side effects of increased depression and increased thoughts of suicide. Makes no sense that it can cause what it's supposed to treat, but that's the world for you. Maybe the EEOC should buy up some of the pharmaceutical stocks...hah.

its been a year for me. umm to be honest i am still trying to get to grip with it and i often get very depressed.

i used to think i was consciously in control of my life and the choices i made, the way i acted. i was really popular and confident once, since then i noticed my whole identity was based on playign normal... now i cant play normal without noticing the anxiety it creates for me. i am not a natural socialiser, but im hyper emphatheic and a really good mimic and i didnt realise i was acting all the time. now i watch myself and i dont know yet to to express the real me. i lost touch with that when i was young when i started to work hard to fit in.

i think it will get better, i really want to learn how to daydream again, how to play with stuff i like as i stopped doing all that cos i was abit ashamed to be so imature. i just want to learn how to not be so judging towards myself, not to abuse my ego and fear to stay alert enough to look socially adept and be happy for just being me.

Before my diagnosis I was the "naughty" one and teachers at school would say I was dificult or stroppy, yeah I was dificult but not intentionally bratty. And I'd get told off for being unorganised and stuff. I did have friends though and was quite sociable, I thought I was more popular than I actually was because I didn't recognise my quirks or faults.
After the diagnosis I recognised more of my traits which is both a good and bad thing, good because I could take control of it and bad because it made self concious and I now have no confidence and aload of social anxiety, woopy!

I spent all my time posting in ADD boards.

Also...I thought I was the way I am because of head trauma...or that it was the result of substances being used by my mom while I was in her womb.

An explanation and not an excuse.
Most of the mysteries of my life are now simply explained.
Prior to my dx i was a mystery to myself.
the world of people terrifies me for the most part. Even here on WP - the fear is due to a lack of understanding of half the exchanges that occur. this fluctuates.

I prefer paint, studio, drawing, dog, cat, guinea pigs, and as little to do with people face to face as possible.

What has changed is that i have actually become much more content with who I am. As Outlier points out, the messages that you are weird, or somehow "faulty" are internalised and became self-accusatory in my case. I absorbed criticism into my own self-perception. IT was as much a part of me as a special interest. A dx has freed me from that. I know who I am and what I am and how I am. i don't have to berate myself anymore. I can just be me and be comparatively free and not so darn angry at myself and the world because I do not fit in. The only place I fit is in my own skin. that's all i need.

Positive. Because of language like Melt-downs, stims, special interests, I can deal with these things in a more concrete way. They're not just etherial odd traits. They're something I can talk about, think about, do something about. I also know that some of my weaker habits are not just me being lazy. My poor handwriting is because of poor fine motor skills. I can feel good that I've improved over the years, not bad that I'm not like everyone else.

I can understand better what I'm doing wrong in a conversation because of my NLD. I also know why I learned to just stop talking after a minute or two. Because I was usually talking about a special interest and boring the heck out of people. I learned to arbitrarily stop talking to try to gauge them by what they say next.

I also know why despite being smart, I am totally frustrated by some simple everyday things. To me a job interview is like the interviewer is mentally raping me. It makes me feel sick and angry. I know why that is now.

I could go on and on.

when I was little I always thought that when I died that the G-d of my understanding would reveal to me what the hell was going on in my life. It seems Dr. Asperger beat the G-d of my understanding, though. I have had a 'thing' with suicide all my life, something in me wanted to die when I was disrespected, and being disrespected happened a lot in my life. Now I still have the suicide 'habit' (i.e. I think it became my only way of changing myself, to 'die' to the old results and to change my habits so I can change my routines)

at any rate, I am not dead yet! Now I am just breathless to know what will happen next!

Well I can recall "life before AS". I knew that something was not quite as it is for other people. As a kid I was blamed by others and myself for not fitting in, I made attempts to fit in but I oftein got things wrong.

After working out that I have AS or a closely related condition, I found out a lot more about the workings of the human mind. It has been quite an education.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Before I understood how to recognize being overstimulated, I just thought I was horribly tired all the time. I knew that coming home and chilling out in front of the computer for a few hours would seem to fix it, but I didn't know why. Now if I just lay in the dark for 10-30 minutes and stim I feel much better, if not completely better.

It's also improved my parents' relationship with me because they understand why I act the way I act.