The insult thread (not personal ones)

Post Reply New Topic

when kitty kelly wrote her unauthorized biography of frank sinatra, he said about her, "i hope she's walking down the street one day, when 4 blind drunks driving cars come by."
an old western insult to posterity, was uttered by many a sheriff about many an outlaw, "what i'll do on his grave won't pass for flowers."

did you get dressed in the dark?

to a person who asks whether you like their new expensive dress:
"wow. i didn't know you had a sewing machine".

to someone who remarks that you are very quiet:
"sorry i can't think of anything to say that won't go over your head right now"

this is not an insult, but it is nonetheless annoying to say....

a person hands you a paper they wrote for you to read, and at the time they hand it to you, it is oriented right way up relative to them. you take the paper as it is handed to you and look at it and say "well it's all written upside down. that's the first problem".
(that is a development of a stunt i played at work one day when i was complaining that everything that day had gone wrong for me. i placed my newly bought newspaper upside down on my desk to read and i said "christ!! ! i even got a dud newspaper! it's all printed up side bloody down!! !"

another thing that makes people very angry is to suggest they spelled their name incorrectly.
once there was a particularly irritable girl who did not like me who was applying for a job at the company i worked for, and she almost lost her temper with me a few times before she even filled in her application form ( i was involved in assessing her). i walked up behind her as she was filling out the application form and looked over her shoulder, and i said "errr... i think you'll find that 'michelle' is spelled with 2 'L's'" (because she spelled her name "michele"). she freaked out and asked if i was serious and i told her i was and i then decided i went too far, but anyway, that is a good way to irritate a person.


another thing that infuriates people is to ask for their ID when they introduce themselves to you.
i have tried it out in a bar one night and it was spectacularly disastrous.

man: yeah g'day. Terry's the name.
me: yes "g'day" Terry. errm ... i don't suppose you've got any ID on you?
man: what?
me: just to be sure you are in fact "terry" as you claim.
that was to a man that wanted to sit at our table and i did not like him and he introduced himself to all of us. no one else saw the joke but i was privately amused, and that resulted in more angst as i broke into an unshared uncontrollable fit of laughter.

another thing i thought of to cause anger (i have ODD) to someone one night was that i hopped into the first cab on a cab rank and said "are you headed towards Cronulla?". when he said "yes" i said "damn!! i wanted to go to roseville" and i got out and walked to the second cab in the rank and hired him to go home. the first cab driver was very angry about that. i know that is not a nice thing to do and i am older now and i would not do that any more.


i have very many ideas of how to get people angry and when i was younger i used to imagine ways to make people lose their tempers, but everyone i know said that it is an ugly aspect of my personality, so i do not do it any more.

i know these are not all strictly insults in the vein that you are talking about, but i included them as they are also ways of eliciting anger from people.

i have always known that it is vastly easier to make enemies than it is to make friends and for some reason, i followed the path of least resistance.

Montana colloquies:

Dumb as a box of rocks.

you take to it like a fish to air.

my dog's got more sense than you!

But my personal favorite (since i coined it)

It's Hard to Be a Smart Girl in a Dumb World!