Where is my..... [Game]

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Replaced with a metal one, I hope.

Where is my will power?

Your electricity supplier cut it off.

Where is my motivation to get on with the work that is due.

Playing hooky with mine!

Once again ... where is my scullery maid?? The sink's full of dishes!

If you look in the mirror you will see her staring back at you.

Where is the television guide?

Guiding a more generous tipper than your television.

Where is my next home?

Cardboard box under the bridge. (I sincerely hope not).

Where is my health card?

Hey, at least you live in a civilized country with public health service!

Where are my Medicare benefits?

(Unfortunately the bureaucrats here in France are determined I'm not going to be allowed into their health system. The latest gag was to send me a health card with my name incorrect and incorrect date of birth - all of which makes it useless. They have fouled up consistently for the four years I have lived in France).

You benefits have been passed on to the bankers instead, can't deprive them of their bonuses.

Where is my Spring cabbage?

On the stove, with cream and caraway seeds.

Where is my asparagus?

It hasn't come up this year yet, too cold, should be long though now.

Where is my garden cultivator?

Swimming the Atlantic ... by the time I get there it should be time to cultivate, n'est-ce pas?

Where is my nice dark loamy soil?

I've stolen it to mix with my clay soil. It bakes like rock in the Summer.

Where did all my garden compost go to?

It's riddled with slugs.

Where is the end of the rainbow?

Next to a pot of gold.

Where is my Matrix DVD?

You sent it back to Netflix (do you have Netflix in France?)

Where is my pot of soup? No seriously, lunch is over, I need to go MAKE the soup. Back in a little while.

Your soup is work in progress. (Bye for now).

Where is my cup of coffee?