Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, now they disintegrate completely after a year.

I wish for England to not sink into the ocean.

Granted, but England experiences the worst earthquake on record. Everything is destroyed.

I wish things wouldn't disintegrate.

Granted, but now they liquefy.

I wish for England to not be hit by a devastating earthquake.

Granted. England gets flooded. Better get yourself an ark if you wish to go there.

I wish bathrooms cleaned themselves.

Granted, but they prefer to not be in use again. They are vain about their cleanliness.

I wish for England to not be flooded and for me to not need an ark there.

Granted, all of the fast food restaurants are replaced by sit-down places that serve the exact same food.

I wish there were more stores down here where I could actually find macadamia nuts.

Granted, but all the the macadamia nuts are rotten.

I wish I was ambidextrous, and that when I write with my left hand, it didn't look like a 3 year old wrote it.

Granted, you are ambidextrous. Now you can write like a seven-year-old with both hands. You will also find yourself trying to shake people's hands with your left hand.

I wish we’ll have Korma and Jalfrezi today rather than what we have in the fridge. (It’ll only be picked up on the way home if my mother won’t miss a subway for getting it, and I can’t be bothered to venture outside in the cold when we do have food at home.)

Granted, but your mother will actually miss the subway.

I wish creepy old guys would stop hitting on me.

Oh no, I’ll never hear the end of it…

Granted, creepy old guys will stop hitting on you. Now they’ll stalk you instead.

I wish she won’t miss the subway.

Granted, but she is stuck in the subway for hours because of power outages.

I wish payday was this Friday instead of next Friday.

Granted, but you’ll have to make it last for an extra week to make up for it.

I wish no-one would bother to post YouTube videos if they aren’t gonna speak intelligibly.

Many people wish that.....including me.

Granted, now Youtube videos are a thing of the past. They are no more.

I wish it didn't cost so much to get a decent haircut.

Granted, but the hairdresser will still cut you, despite their skills.

I wish for YouTube to not be a thing of the past.

Granted, but it is filled with stupid people doing stupid things.

I wish I didn't do my best editing after I hit send.