Corrupt A Wish

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Granted! hes so heavy he crushes you to death

I wish i could get hugged by 2 female sumo wrestlers at the same time

did you have a birthday scents this morning???
now i don't have to be so careful
GRANTED!!!but the wheels of your chair gets stuck between there....
i just wish i was there to see the mess you got your self in to

granted, you are squashed beetween them as well

Granted, but you forget your glasses so all you can make out are two large pink blobs with a blue streak in the middle.

I wish I had a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

You do....but only 50% of the chocolate chips are actually chocolate chips...if you know what I mean

I wish I had a PhD

Granted. The "Mint" is all organic Poison Ivy.
Mmm...minty.

I wish I had a faster processor than 400mhz Intel Celeron.

Granted, you now have a 401 MHz Pentium.

I wish that I had sufficient funds for all my desires.

Granted, but it is the currency of Zimbabwe and by the time you read this is completely devalued.

I wish I had a selective mute button for other people so I didn't have to listen to their prattle.


M.

Granted! But the prattle turns to spittle.

I wish I had something fun to do this weekend.

Granted, you are going on a rattle snake cuddling weekend Snakes need love too.

I wish I had an imperial bolt slightly smaller than a metric 10mm one.

granted but your lawn mover still won't run because its 2mm,
sometimes it is just too small.
i wish i had unlimited long distant service

Granted, but it only applies to telephone calls made to the planet Mars, off peak hours and on Christmas day.

I wish my lawn mower didn't need so many repairs.

Granted.

Your lawn mower runs perfectly, but you rarely get to use it because your lawn has died.

I wish that my employees would take responsibility for their screw-ups.

Granted, one admits using all your business capital to play online poker and has lost the lot, however, he has taken responsibility for his actions and will pay you back one cent per week.

I wish I had a new lawnmower.

Granted. They all feel so compelled to take responsibility for their actions that they all resign the same day.


I wish I could be paid to be a hermit.

Alright! A Twofer!

Granted.

However, the smell of your new goat prompts the neighbors to lodge formal complaints with the ASPCA, the Air Quality Board, and Animal Control.


Granted.

Now put this crab suit on and wave this sign in front of that Red Lobster restaurant if you want to get paid.

I wish that everything that tastes good wasn't bad for me as well.